Although time does not exist, here in my earthly 3D existence it was a long time ago when I experienced an inner response of Yes. It was direct, complete and total, without reservation. Yes, yes, yes. An inspiring and fulfilling experience that brought me to tears. Let me explain.
Do you know (of course you do) how immensely lousy it has been to live in this dimension and no longer care or even have an opinion about anything? It is to be in the midlands, in nuance country, simply observing patterns. I always experienced this dimension as overwhelming. It brought up lot of anxiety for me and I fought it; noise fighting with noise, trying to get out of the zoo but only getting more stuck.
It is so gentle now to see it simply as noise, and then get out of my way and take care of me by breathing and acknowledging the blizzard of noise that surrounds me. I can’t stop the noise, only observe it. Ha, noise – there it is, again. Not my noise, but noise nevertheless.
Perhaps the most profound change in my 3D existence was choosing not to feel guilty about not caring. It feels like being nobody, just going through my days. I told someone “I am nobody, I am only me” and the response was complete shock and resistance. She tried to convince me it was not true, but I only felt liberation. The funny thing is, to those who don’t understand it looks like depression, but it is not. I don’t care how others define it, I am me, with me, in relationship with me. I even defined myself as “in a relationship” on Facebook, but it is not possible to click on myself. The world sees you either in a relationship with someone else or not at all.
When I stopped caring, the effort, the force, the whole complicated constructions of my life – poof, gone. If things don’t work, I get out of my way and follow the gentleness. Inhale … exhale. I cannot hold on to controlling any longer.
How does it work? Here’s one example. I went to the pool to swim but had no change for the locker. I didn’t care or worry about it, and the first locker I chose had a quarter in it! This is how easy it can be. It doesn’t matter what or who or when; it is the core of effortless. This is really new.
I am discovering how to allow flexibility. I may like something and the next minute it is gone. I want something and then I don’t. I allow that and wait for what will emerge again. It is the slow death of my willpower. I am dying while awakening.
Imagine the gift of a total and absolute Yes in this house of the deceased; something so alive and vibrant in the same space as something passing away. Ah, the Yes. It is what Geoffrey and Linda talked about, the Yes from all of us for expansion. Damn, it feels so good.
The way I am in relationship with myself is so sweet and patient. The human freaks out and the I Am gently waits. Then the human invites it, giggling, “Oh yeah, I was doing the old thing again. Come here you, let’s dance.” I literally dance in front of the mirror, looking into my eyes, talking to the I Am.
About Sanne: “I am dis-covering to experiencing my authentic self and natural way of living by allowing and accepting my humanity AND I am-ness. I am a essence-iologist and word-wizzard.” [email protected]