I’ve always admired how cats have the ability to fall from great heights and land softly on their paws, as if the fall was a carefully orchestrated stunt. In contrast, my falls tend to be clumsy and painful. The most painful and significant of all being the fall from grace. I know I’m not alone in this; we’re all fallen angels, on our ascension back into grace (yes, even you, Lucifer).
I recently had the pleasure of participating in Adamus’ workshop Staying in Grace. Grace is tragically misunderstood. In the religious context, especially Christianity, grace means receiving unmerited forgiveness or mercy from God, thereby implying that we humans are sinful and broken until God redeems us. Doesn’t feel very graceful, does it?
So how did sin get all wrapped up in the concept of grace, and what alternative definitions could there be? Here’s my distillation of the workshop: Suffering is caused by the illusionary self-perception that one is sinful or broken, which results from the belief that we are separate from the divine. Grace is the remembrance and acceptance of God within us, which is also the key to letting go of suffering. In other words, we don’t need to be forgiven by God; rather, we need to be remembered as God. I am. Therefore, I am grace.
Grace and integration are two sides of the same coin. Grace is the natural state that follows integration; on the other hand, the more we allow grace, the easier it is to integrate fragmented aspects.
Do you ever experience a deep pain in the heart? Perhaps you experience it as a physical pain in your chest, or as a deep, inexplicable grief permeating through incarnations. It is sometimes called “low self-worth,” but it’s actually the trauma of falling from grace. My theory is that human heartbreak is so painful because it reminds us of the original heartbreak, the pain caused by soul “leaving” the home of the I Am. It’s the original abandonment issue, the shock of separation from the divine. I’m guessing that this pain of separation can be felt strongest on Earth, since this earthly dimension has been the most closed off to “higher” dimensions. That would furthermore imply that the upcoming opening of Heaven’s Cross is a sort of planetary rising into grace.
For me it was profound to remember the many lifetimes that I have lived feeling abandoned by the divine. My heart aches with the realization of how I’ve abandoned myself countless times, even in this lifetime. At the same time, I feel such relief knowing that I no longer need to abandon myself in order to survive. Or rather, that I no longer can abandon myself, no matter what. When I think of grace, I see the shape of a heart. A winged heart, forever expanding and embracing all the parts of myself.
Grace is also commonly confused with ease. Yet, like ballet, grace is beautiful but not necessarily easy. After all, we do live on Earth at a highly transformational and intense time. If you’re into comfort and ease, you chose the wrong planet. It takes a lot of consciousness and humor to choose grace when everything in your environment seems to be choosing something else. My tip: when you get tired of the world’s craziness, travel to Kona. It’s easier to choose grace in a place that vibrates with the frequency of beauty and relaxation. Just remember, there’s no guarantee for comfort (Pele might surprise you with a volcano eruption or some frighteningly forceful waves).
I recently watched the film To Catch a Thief, starring Grace Kelly. What a suitable example of someone who has mastered the act of grace; from her name to the way she moves and speaks, everything about her seems to exude grace. I tuned into her energy and had a conversation with her (always fun to chat with a dead princess). She shared that her passion in that life was to embody grace, first as an actress and later in her role as the princess of Monaco. She also revealed that although she was able to play the role of grace, there were many moments when she didn’t feel grace. In fact, she recalls having felt the most grace when she was lost in the moment – especially when she was driving a convertible, riding a horse, or discovering something new about creative expression (for example, how much fun it is to act in a murder scene directed by Alfred Hitchcock). In other words, when she was really present. Her wish for her next lifetime is to worry less about appearing graceful and just be grace. So, there you have it: you don’t need to look graceful to be in a state of grace – you just have to be present.
The week following the workshop, life presented me with abundant opportunities to integrate my own roadblocks to grace. It was the perfect set-up: I was finally meeting the man who had courageously entered my life, and I was hopefully expecting a new romance. Within just a few days, I experienced my dreams coming undone, my hopes crashing, and my own emotions of worthlessness and self-doubt being triggered. And just to make sure that I would be properly shaken out of balance, life (or my dragon) threw a bout of Covid into the mix. I’m sure I was anything but graceful during those days. While it would’ve been tempting to see those events as a “slip-up from grace,” it was really the opposite: a divinely synchronized intervention, designed to help me return to my own truth and deepen the connection to my soul. At least, that’s my side of the story. To my surprise, these events led me straight to my own grace. I could actually feel grace flowing through my body. I could hear grace speaking my truth. I could sense grace glowing in my heart.
Just as the dragon has been teaching me to accept my inner shadows these past couple of years (such sweet memories…), grace is now teaching me to accept my inner light. It is easy to be a small human on Earth or a grand God in heaven. However, being a grand human on Earth requires spunk – and so much grace. Spunky grace. Or graceful spunk. That special quality only found in fallen angels who’ve reclaimed their wings.
The cool thing is that once you see life through the sense of grace, it lights up many other angelic senses, too, like beauty, gratitude, and love. Speaking of love, here is my definition of grace:
Grace is a state of lit up self-love. Grace is being so present with your soul that even your sometimes awkward human life starts to sparkle with magic, purpose, and eloquence.
Kim is a psychologist, writer and consciousness explorer.For her master’s dissertation, she studied how dramatic techniques can be applied to facilitate the process of integration after trauma (think of Aspectology and Act of Consciousness combined). Kim can be reached through her website: kimseppala.com.