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As a Shaumbra parent, I don’t have the typical or traditional parental fears. I don’t worry about the experimentation, the testing of boundaries, or the heartache that comes with birthing independence. Those things are the natural evolution of how young ones move from dependence to independence, from child to young adult. My fears go deeper. I fear that my children won’t stop taking on and holding other people’s energy long enough to discover and experience their own beauty, vitality and passion within.

Our kids are natural empaths, and they absorb other people’s energy like sponges. They feel the world’s pain and respond to whatever or whoever is relevant and important in their world at the time. Over and over again, I watch as they gather the energy of friends and family, load it on their tiny shoulders and carry it around as if it’s their own. Eventually they collapse under the weight, and the fall-out is not pretty.

The consequences of holding energy like this manifest in so many unpleasant ways, including depression, anger, abusive use of drugs, alcohol and/or sex; or perhaps merely drifting through life not really connecting to anything or anyone, feeling passionless and lifeless. Then they ask ‘’What is wrong with me?” and the minute that thought enters, the door to self-doubt and self-loathing springs wide open, usually ending in some kind of emotional train-crash. I have seen it play out a million times in the beautiful humans who accepted me as their mom.

After a week of being immersed in family activities, which included bringing my fears to the surface, I sat on the etheric park bench, cigar and wine in hand, and wondered how to teach my children to undo this habit of holding energy. How could I resolve this persistent issue, both with my kids and other young adults in my life?

With one exhale of my beloved cigar, the answer came: Walk away.

I inhaled and acknowledged all that I needed to see.

 During the time spent with my family, my little Masters showed me that I was still attached to their outcomes, still holding their energy. Oh, the irony. I was still tending to their wounds and making the world right for them – precisely what I wished they would stop doing – and they no longer wanted that from me. My old role of “mom” was obsolete. I was fired.

I came to see that it has been absolute arrogance on my part to assume I could direct or control the course of their path, either by inflicting my desires on them or by assuming I know better, all under the guise of “proper parenting.” (Did I just hear Adamus spit on the floor?) All I had been doing was perpetuating a cycle, an old pattern, because I hadn’t resolved it in myself. Of course they are going to hold energy for the ones they care about! Why should they stop when their mother hasn’t?! My God, no wonder they get annoyed with me!

They are Masters in their own right and they want freedom. And I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don’t give it willingly, it will be wrenched from my parental grasp and the only one having an emotional train-smash will be myself. It’s a scary concept, this business of completely letting go, especially when it comes to one’s children. A million “what ifs” and possible disasters immediately spring to mind, until I remember my Self and the gift I would like to leave behind for my children. 

This mummy duck knows it is time to release the outdated, overrated role of being a mother and let my children go. They have the tools, they have the wisdom and they want the opportunity to flex their wisdom muscles instead of relying on Mum’s. How can they find their wings if I am always there to catch their fall?

All Angels get bruises, after all. It is how we learn to fly.

EPILOGUE
I have been chatting with my son who has now left school, moved to another state and is discovering what life on his own. I find his questions and requests really thought provoking. Questions like “I want to learn how to manage my energy. How do I do that?”

My first thought is Oh god, how to answer in a manner he will relate to and hear? I like that he challenges me to bring out the things that we take for granted – our knowledge, wisdom and knowings – in a way he can understand. But first, the teacher had to learn from the student who was actually the teacher.  Then the teacher is better positioned to remind the student, who was no student at all, but a teacher waiting to be awakened.   


Leigh has been with the Crimson Circle since 2003 and says that’s why she is able to openly acknowledge being in the ‘awesome crew.’ She states, “Shaumbra children are not children at all. They are teachers waiting to be awakened.” Leigh is interested in connecting with other Shaumbra parents and kids and possibly creating a virtual meeting place for them. She may be contacted via email.

2 comments on "Letting Go"

  • Monika Kronman on January 2, 2019 11:23 PM said:
    Yes it so resonates with me. I held the parental fear locked in my chest until my inner wisdom spoke and said; So you will not allow them their freedom to experience what they want and i then could release that grasp and just to allow them to be their own beautiful selves, to have their bumps and joys.
  • Mem McKie on November 8, 2018 9:35 AM said:
    ... "brilliant article dear Leigh ... I am on the same page, Master Leigh. Letting go ... my three have flown the nest. And I allow their journeying ... And so it is, in the words of the beloved Tobias ... "

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