This little story was inspired by the recent 25-word rule discussion on Facebook.
The other day I met a very religious lady, one who never lets me forget about that when she shows up in my life from time to time. I talked to her about consciousness, and she listened with interest. She started to say nice things about me, saying she had prophetic skills and that her “Father in heaven” was very proud of me. When she asked if she could give me some blessings, I said it wouldn’t make any difference to me and she laughed. But I did not expect her to stand up and put her hand on my head. She had been drinking too much red wine, and her hand felt heavy like a helmet. She said that her Father in heaven was telling me to stand up in respect for myself. She was very loud and demanding, due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed, so I stood up – and felt even more pressed down.
The situation was hilarious, and I hoped anyone passing by would understand it that way, and not take it too seriously. But I did feel a little bit ashamed to be participating in a religious act playing out in open. I had not been prepared for that. Then I began to get impatient, because the never-ending speech wasn’t coming to any conclusion; it was only an endless repetition of words. I complained, I was rude, but she just laughed and went on with it forever and ever, like she would never let me go. When she finally stopped, I immediately said good night and left.
A few days later, a neighbor called me asking for help in selling his apartment, which would include preparing, advertising, showing it and so on. He would pay me, but the amount was only a quarter of what he had offered me two years earlier for the very same job. Back then, he had changed his mind and decided not to sell, and I got nothing but the experience. All the work I did back then on the announcements and publicity would still be valid, but I didn’t mention that. I told him that he had actually helped me because, from that experience, I had refused to charitably help another person with her sale, which felt like a huge relief. Soon after that, and completely unexpected, someone else offered me a good amount of money for doing the same job, but this time I would get the half of it up front. That sounded nice! I got the money, sold the flat in a week, then received the rest of the payment. And suddenly people came to me from all over, wanting my services in the same way, and sending me money without hesitation.
I didn’t get to tell him about all that, however, because as soon as I mentioned the work I had done last time, he became so stressed out that he ended the conversation. He obviously thought I expected him to pay for it. He didn’t get it, when I said that this experience actually had been of value to me. It felt so good, to be able to tell him clearly that I was not interested in his offer. I’d had enough of patiently ignoring his manipulations. I’d had enough of letting people treat me poorly, in so many ways.
After the hilarious blessing show, I had asked myself why I so often laugh inside when I’m in uncomfortable situations with people. It doesn’t solve anything. It just makes it less hurtful when I secretly ridicule them. Then I got it. It was just an act of protection, because I had passively observed myself being treated in hurtful ways all my life. So, when I felt abused and alone in a harsh world, I turned it into entertainment, a way of being nice to myself. At least it protected me from feeling like a victim. And more than anything, I would never want to hurt anyone, no matter what they did to me. (I really couldn’t. In my teens sometimes at bedtime I imagined waking up at night by the sound of a ladder outside my window, imagining that I would be prepared to smack the fingers as soon as they appeared into my room. My only concern was that the intruder would fall down and get hurt. That really worried me.)
And then, the 25-word rule discussion on Facebook made me see what was going on. I wondered why so many Shaumbra still play the blame game when they feel limited and controlled by rules or by other people. Don’t they know they are creating it all for themselves? Every single experience! And it’s there to serve them. I liked the invitation from Tobias many years ago to dance with whatever comes to your door. What if everyone takes responsibility for their own creation? As a conscious creator, I know that whatever my experience would be, it is just my personal perception. I put it there for a reason. I attracted it to let it serve me. If it brings up emotions, those emotions might hold a gift for me. I just have to allow it. If I blame someone else for my own feeling of being limited, the last thing I need is an explanation for the mind. The limitation is personal. Own it! It’s so easy to forget.
Then I remembered the words from the religious drunk lady’s Father in heaven. She had told me to stand up in respect for My Self. That was ME she had channeled! I’m God also! But she could only trust it to be from her Father in heaven, as she had learned. I realized that my part of the experience was my own creation. I had heard exactly what I needed to hear. I just didn’t get it, because I was too busy ridiculing the unpleasant situation, which I felt a strong resistance to. In fact, I silently blamed her for holding me down while she told me to stand up in respect. At that moment, I actually could have stood up straight and told her to stop, but I didn’t want to upset her. Instead, I blamed her for it all. I stayed in the experience, unaware that I felt ashamed of my own choice.
Yet somehow, the message still got through to me. In speaking my truth to the man on the phone, I was standing up in respect for myself. By taking responsibility for what I had created for myself, there was nothing to blame. Not him, not the religious drunk lady, not any of those who appeared to have treated me badly. For some reason, there seemed to be a number of people ill-treating me in many different ways in the last weeks. Now I could see how they all played a part in getting me to this clarity about my own dignity. They didn’t even know what an important part they were playing for me.
This is how I create exactly what I need. It’s just there, on my private stage right in front of me, and people around me play their roles for free. That’s my abundance! No wonder I find it amusing, even when it feels rather uncomfortable sometimes. And yet, standing up for myself feels so much more satisfying, like a celebration of a new level of dignity coming in for integration, simply by allowing.
Elin has been with Crimson Circle since 2002. Inspired by a vision, she left everything behind and started moving around to many places, until she ended up participating in the transformation of a huge hotel in the mountains of Norway. She entertains herself by writing stories about her experiences from different perspectives. Elin may be contacted on Facebook or via email.