Ho was sitting on a bench and quietly sipping his beverage. The mood in the Ascended Masters Club was not yet bubbling, so it seemed to be just the right atmosphere for his appointment. Ho showed up in this location only occasionally as he so much enjoyed being on his own. Today though was assessment day. His on-going bet deserved a meeting every few months. Also he felt that his betting opponent had been having a rough time lately and required some encouragement.

Ho sensed a slight draft, turned to see the back door opening, and in came an inconspicuous handmaiden. She was relieved seeing Ho sitting so close to the back door, slipped in and took the seat opposite Ho.

Raising an eyebrow Ho said: “I know our colleagues are not that perceptive today. But it might be that this costume of yours is a bit too understated. They might be reminded of your catchphrase from back then. What was it …? ‘Only a master is a handmaiden?’”

“Only a master can be in true service,” the handmaiden said shyly, fiddling at her headscarf in an attempt to hide her facial features.

“Ah, that one. Liked it. Ranks quite high on your endless list of most favorite sayings, does it?”

“Don’t mock me. I notice you changed your name?”

“Yeah. ‘Hô’ felt so … limiting. This ^ started itching. Also it is easier for the editor. This way she doesn’t have to deal with these special characters. I mean, other than us.”

The maiden winced. “You mean they are listening in on us?”

“Sure. Just this very moment. But usually they only take it as entertainment.”

“And the others?”

Ho glanced around. “They pretend not to recognize you.”

The handmaiden relaxed a bit.

Ho continued, “So, tell me. The bet was on five. Just five. Not five million, or five thousand, or …”

“I KNOW WHAT THE BET WAS!”

“Oops, you better stick to your squeaky handmaiden voice, unless you want all the others to join our table.”

“Ho. You see me in desperation.”

“Glad you mention that. I was tempted to assume you are just playing a role to confuse me.”

“Valentine’s day is approaching. And so far – no countable results. I mean, I tried it all …”

“Like ‘Stay on earth so you can experience New Energy’?”

She shrugged. “I had to bait them somehow, you know that. Didn’t we agree that only embodied ascension counts?”

“Yes we did, and there’s no way to renegotiate this. We have enough of those die-and-ascend guys hanging around. Not to mention the ascend-and-die guys. ‘Oh, I made it seven days in a human body after my ascension.’ ‘Really? I had a full week!’”

Her shoulders slumped, the handmaiden shook her head and muttered, mostly to herself, “I was rough. I was gentle. I was pushy. I was promising. I was philosophic. I was funny. I was charming. I was even brilliant.”

“And?”

She looked up. “And?! Even And failed! When they noticed their human lives did not change, I came along with And. I said, your lives are in misery and you are ascended.”

“Good try.”

“Thank you.”

“And it failed?”

“Looks like.”

“Did you consider softening the And with a Maybe? Like, your lives are in misery and maybe you are ascended.”

“Stop trying to be funny. This is serious! I’m about to lose my bet.”

“Against me. That’s too bad.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Ho suddenly said, “That’s it, I’ve got it! Why don’t you mention the crystal caves? They are huge, they are in the earth as well as in the humans, they …” Ho noticed the handmaiden’s empty gaze. “Oh … I’m sorry. I … I’ve been on vacation lately.”

“See, Ho, nothing has changed. Humans want it difficult. You can talk to them across life times! Reveal secrets, state the most profound truths, and all they do is nod their heads, have some minutes of feel-good, then continue their human ways, whining and complaining”.

“So nothing has changed. That’s shocking, although expected. That’s why I came up with this bet. And I was so polite only asking for five. Not five thousand or …” Ho felt a sudden pain at his shin.

Another moment of silence set in, then Ho said, “Ok. I acknowledge your futile efforts. But still you have a few weeks until Valentine’s day. Even though I hold the bet against you, I would be more than happy to lose it.”

“And?”

“And therefore I will add something to the current scenery. You know, with all your discourses you might have accidentally paved the ground.”

“Paved the ground for what?”

“Well, your listeners are worn out. They’ve heard it all. They’re tired. Maybe now is the time.”

“Ho, your build-up is lame. Get to the point.”

Ho leaned forward and whispered in the handmaiden’s ear, “Imagine a simple booklet called ‘The Free Human.’”

The handmaiden straightened. Her eyes locked with Ho’s eyes. She sensed a giggling starting deep within her. It intensified until she surrendered to a fit of laughter. When she was finally able to speak again, she said, “Ho, that’s a good one! A free human. Unheard of.” She shook her head. “Unheard of.”

“The Free Human.”

“Yes, yes. And what is this booklet about? I mean, the title kind of says it, but how do you think a booklet can help?”

“It goes straight to the essence, using simple human words. No dead masters. No promises. No magic. No Saints. No …”

“No Saints? Not a good idea – from a marketing perspective that is.”

“Right. But it’s not about the market or the masses. It’s about those five.”

“Hmm.”

“See those five humans hanging out over at the bar?”

The handmaiden turned to follow Ho’s gaze. Blinking her eyes she said, “Yes. But they are just illusions. They’re not real.”

“Not yet. You recognize somebody?”

“Well, that one on the left is the Brazilian boy I mentioned a while ago. But that was only for motivational purposes, you know.”

“Sure. But if you look closely, you see some real humans flickering in and out of those illusions.”

“Ok. I can see that.”

“They show up here, but then they fall back into their only-humanness.”

“So, what about them?”

“They are currently reading ‘The Free Human.’ They go beyond the simple words, have an experience of true freedom, and in an instant, whoosh, they show up here. Momentarily.”

“So you suggest there is still hope to have five embodied ascended free humans by Valentine’s Day in the club? Simply by reading a booklet?”

“Yep.”

“And by that you imply I can win my bet?”

“Absolutely.”

“So you would lose your bet?”

“There is no way I could ever lose.”

“You mean because this ridiculous setup is just an illusion created by you to have some shameless promotion?”

“Not really.”

“So what is real?”

“Oh, you won’t get me into that.”

“Was worth a try.”

“Let’s proceed as follows. We let loose ‘The Free Human.’ It will find its way. Meanwhile you continue with your entertainment and distractions. It’s a perfect blend. By the way, what was your latest thing?”

“The Thinkers and the Knowers.”

“The No-ers? That’s not very clever. The thinkers know that they don’t know, that’s why they say no to all that is No-think, you know?”

“THE KNOWERS!”

“Shh, just kidding – the others are looking over here.”


Joachim Wolffram is a post-ascension incarnation of the undercover ascended master Hô, also unknown as Ho. As an outpost of Ho in contemporary times, his mission is to observe and push the “Just 5” bet with Saint G. You can contact him through his website www.wolffram.de.

“The Free Human” is available in print and as ebook at amazon here.

The German edition, “Der Freie Mensch”, can be found here.

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