I am fantastic at Focus, that treasured angelic sense that allows us to go deep into an experience. I’ve mastered that sucker, having delved into the densest of the dense with singular purpose. Now it is time to expand into AND, and Adamus has been helping me open into my free senses, the ones beyond the control of my mind (which itself is a tool of Focus).
Expansion has held a few surprises. My five human senses are working mostly like they used to, albeit with a few odd twitches, and the new senses are still rather mysterious, but there is now a whole new level of knowingness overlaying my perceptions in humorous and unexpected ways. It is like experiencing a software upgrade and discovering your equipment is a bit too old to run the new system, so the bugs are being worked out on the fly.
THE FIVE SENSES OF FOCUS - VERSION 2.0
I still look out at the world and see my preconceived notions about it. I look in the mirror and see my old war wounds and new age spots. I see the four walls that house me, and the pile of dirty clothes and the dishes I have yet to wash. I am very well aware of the creative project I set down three months ago that is intruding into my peripheral vision. However, I know that what I’m seeing with my eyes isn’t the whole picture; it is only one potential form of what is really there. Magic is shimmering behind the scenes, but my eyes are so conditioned to see the reality I know, I can’t bring other potentials into clear focus.
Now, for some odd reason, my eyes have been really tired lately and behaving oddly. This is disturbing, but since I know everything is now about my enlightenment, I’m guessing it’s all just part of going beyond Focus into a different way of seeing. At least that is what I am telling myself.
My ears are working quite well, thank you. I can hear the neighbor’s dogs barking at all hours as vividly as ever, even with a pillow over my head; but now, unfortunately, I can also hear their anxiety under the barking.
I can sense the shift in energy when people slip into their stories (it feels charged, closed off, and looping). I can hear when power games are operating behind someone’s words, and because of this, I feel super crabby when I have to listen to advertisements, newscasts, dramatic programming, or anything designed to manipulate my mind and emotions.
On a positive note, beautiful music is even more beautiful than before. I can sense the sacred geometry and colors within the tones. Unfortunately, I can also hear the persona of the musician lying on top of the tune, especially if there is an agenda driving the performance. Since I have a multi-lifetime love affair with music, and several of my aspects were expert energy manipulators, this is a particularly painful awareness for me, and it’s been an excellent opportunity for benching…lots of benching.
I’ve also started to hear the incessant babble of my mind and recognize its insanity. Ironically, once I started listening to my mind without believing what it said, the screaming backed off significantly. It was only then, in the stillness, that I discovered the “Wizard Behind the Curtain,” the darker programming that was running the monkey-mind show.
The energies inside me are more harmonious now, more open and flowing, but when I hear discord developing, I know something is rising up to be rebalanced. I am listening to myself in a whole new way.
My nose isn’t particularly over-sensitive, though I have occasionally smelled things that were nowhere near me, like food being cooked on a TV show in France, for example. It was a dish made with apples and pears and it smelled AMAZING!
The biggest shift in my sense of smell is an evolving ability to detect energy scents. For example, I can smell the aromas woven into peoples’ life stories and understand, without trying, the patterns that created them. I can also smell chaos, whether it is around people or events, and can sniff out the potentials that don’t serve me.
My mind has its own ideas about what I should or shouldn’t be doing, and it is often at odds with this inner knowing. It wants to do the “nice” thing. (This is the pay-off for being named after Donna Reed.) “Nice,” I am finding, is truly a “four-letter word” that stands for No Insight Can Enter and it sabotages my ability to love myself. But the nose knows. It is not fooled by “Nice.” I’m learning to pay attention to this new sense of smell, drop the psycho babble, and like Toucan Sam (who could sniff out the fruity goodness of Froot Loops cereal) “follow my nose.”
My sense of taste is directly connected to my sense of smell. Much like the way I can smell the essence behind something, I can now “taste” the potential for passion in an experience.
Sadly, most human activities are filled with a lot of programmed doing (or doo doo, as I like to call it), and consequently are not very palatable. Most of them rank right up there with raking the elk poop out of my yard (which reminds me of the day my yard was filled with elk…a truly magical experience…until they left). In short, my life can no longer be about cleaning up messes, even my own.
My new sense of taste is revealing that my mind’s definition of passion was just need in disguise. Need has a distinctive flavor. There is no delight in it. Conditioned need-driven doing is surprisingly passionless, pointless, and pathetic.
Now, when I start to salivate about a potential creation, and chew on the idea a bit, I can tell immediately if it is going to leave me with a bitter aftertaste or a flat, passionless one. I no longer have to get involved in something before I realize it is going to bore me silly. All I have to do is taste the energy, and I know.
Because of this my guitar is sitting unplayed and my art supplies unused. Years of training is lying dormant because I just can’t do the same old things in the same old ways, and the new ways have not revealed themselves yet, though I can feel a change is brewing.
In the absence of other passionate pleasures, food is the one delight that sustains me, and my taste for the good life has expanded. Sadly, as a result, so have I.
My feeling sense has evolved the most, and it is getting quite uncomfortably sensitive. I can feel with shocking clarity ALL the crazy changes happening in my body in a way that is magnified and more intense than ever.
I know for sure my ancestral body is releasing because I feel like a part of me is dying. This has been incredibly scary because I also know I am not to fix what is leaving.
Similarly, I can feel when new energy enters me and hits the walls of my belief systems and hidden traumas. Then, when things finally release, I feel fatigued and flu-ish and emotionally depressed, like a juiced caterpillar, stuck in the emptiness of my self-created void, impatiently waiting for the new to emerge.
My mind has finally surrendered to the fact that it cannot micromanage my re-invention, nor can it help me understand it. When I sense into my body, however, I feel a surprising thrill. It is delighted to be expanding beyond my mind’s manipulations. Sensing all this has been like riding a rollercoaster: chaos in motion, baby.
THE FREE SENSES
Enter the free senses. Adamus has used Keahak and Master’s Life 4 to introduce us to some of these sensual gems. I’ve noticed they are hard to define. I don’t experience them individually. Instead, they seem to swim through each other, and in and over my human senses. They give me an expanded non-linear knowingness that colors my perceptions in new ways.
Over the last 10 years, my life totally deconstructed, and it was hard to fathom I did this to myself on purpose. What WAS I thinking!!!? I came into this world as a goody two-shoes puritan fixer/saver that, ironically, couldn’t save a single soul, and instead, ran face-first into her darkest demon aspects. Really? What made me think that was a good life strategy? It all seemed rather cruel and I’ve experienced great grief and remorse.
My new senses, however, are revealing a certain beauty in this dualistic mock-up, for how else could I have let go of my identities? I was so attached to them, I had to fail with grand abandon in order to let them go. I had to grind that all to dust to discover the eternal within me. Looking back on my stubbornness with my emerging senses, I see it is actually rather funny.
After lifetimes of running away from the inevitable, I’ve learned that integrating my darkest demon and my lightest lightworker into a non-dualistic compassionate state IS the grand gift that I am giving myself. It is also the legacy I leave behind me for my beloveds to open whenever they are ready. All my karmic buddies came around this time to cheer me on, fail me, and set me on this path of self-love. I couldn’t save them because they didn’t want saving! Imagine that. It was their job to jump-start ME. I had no idea we were that creative…that brave…that wise…but actually, it was a brilliant plan, and pretty frickin’ beautiful.
Perceiving my life through this emerging sense of BEAUTY is opening my sense of LOVE, a great mystery that is still evolving through the paradoxes of my experiences. It is also expanding my IMAGINATION. I can now sense so many more potentials, and this loosens my FOCUS, making my creations much less mental and much more fluid. As a result, my sense of UNITY is expanding. There is now room for synchronicity and surprise.
With these new perceptions I am noticing a new flow of energy that isn’t programmed by my old conditioning. It brings a fresh wave of the unexpected, and I can smell it coming like I can scent the ozone in the wind that precedes a storm. It is electric and, to my mind, an uncertain thing, because it wreaks havoc on anything in my life that is still rigid or controlled. Yet I can feel the excitement when my body receives it, for it senses the beauty that my mind cannot. The best word I have to describe this energy is Freedom. I’ve been breathing it in for months now. At first touch, it is blissful, but then chaos inevitably follows. I’m learning to relax into this, and simply allow it. Trust is an absolute necessity.
Free energy creates in the moment. If, however, I believe I won’t get what I need or must micromanage the process, my lack of trust will redirect my creation into an alternate universe or bring it in a chaotic and distorted way. If I trust, I get what I need exactly when I need it in a way I don’t expect. Hardest lesson ever, but also the most life-changing.
My choice to trust is revealing how ungrounded I used to be. It is showing me how important it is to “be here now and allow.” By radiating trust, I am no longer hiding, and this allows my new creations to find me. By grounding myself in the moment, I bring Theos to me.
I’ve started to relax into this, though it is still occasionally a bumpy ride. Perhaps the biggest indicator of my progress is that I’m starting to see the grand cosmic wink and have a good laugh at myself. I can see how everything, even the hard stuff, is unfolding with exquisite timing and design. My mind would NEVER have planned this and, I admit, I’m now getting an irreverent kick out of it all. Perhaps the whole creative process is supposed to be FUN after all. Wow, what a concept!
Donna Van Keuren writes a monthly blog describing some of her most poignant epiphanies, as well as the jokes she’s played on herself along the way. If you would like to share a few laughs and read her reflections on this crazy ride called embodied enlightenment, join her at