Impatience is the first thing to fly away as you experience the And. The first one for me, at least. I have grown terribly impatient over the years, just like you may have, and sometimes I absolutely cannot stand yet another human halt or stuck energy manifested anywhere, least of all in myself! What, not enlightened yet??
But, as the glimpses of realizations keep coming in, that impatience is the first one to just disappear – as if it was never there, as if the entire world just stopped spinning in mad circles and there was a solitary quiet stream; a motion but no one dancing; a silence so rich in sounding drum beats.
Perhaps as a “fun” job-related perk, emails continue to arrive as I wake back up into my physical reality. Ding-ding-ding, emails from people I know, people I don’t immediately recognize. Ding-ding-ding, they flood in as I gradually shift consciousnesses. Sometimes, they are demanding alerts of things I should be doing that shock me right out of bed; at other times, they are the sweetest pink-hued love letters, the kind that sweep you off your feet!
As I wake up further into my physical mind, I realize they are not relevant to whatever I had been living until now. They may be from people I recognize, but as I check my accounts, these emails I was so sure just arrived are not there. Or did I just not check the right account? (I do admit to actually checking my email program for these, as I am 100% sure they would be there, waiting for my actions.)
These “emails” are bringing in experiences from other realms; memories and sensings of things that are going on beyond my currently chosen human life. They stay with me, sometimes making me feel their anxiety, at other times all the fun and games that they’re having. Sometimes they bother me, but more and more often now, they just come back to me to stay, for good.
I know that all these other stories do, in fact, exist. They develop and go on evolving without ever needing an audience beyond myself. The mind is challenged to place these into any category, so it tends to brush them to the side as figments of imagination or perhaps signs of madness. But I know they are real.
Sometimes, the mind likes to interpret these as having premonitions or experiencing a déjà vu. But it is experiencing scenes that are not necessarily ever going to be manifest in this reality. They are making themselves known in the Now, in my point of presence, and sometimes even bringing in stories I actually like so much that I’d like to try them out, here. These stories never turn out quite as expected, however, as life has a way of surprising those who don’t plan too much.
These “emails” that are coming from the characters I’ve created are all eager to show me how fully developed they are as to character, plot, and dialogue. I like the love letters and scenes the best right now; so sweet, quite elevated and yet so simple. From my visits to Theos, they are somehow so fulfilling that I have no desire to manifest them in the physical. These encounters are too fresh and delicate for this reality.
I may first wake up in a sweet lull of rest, balance and contented feelings. But then, still so often, I get up and am just terribly irritated; sound and energy sensitive, and almost depressed to have to face another day on Earth. I remind myself to take all that sweetness I wake up in with me, but, as the mind would have it, it rather wishes to remind me of all the things it has stored for its own entertainment: mass consciousness pressure, the heaviness, the slowness, things unfinished, human failings, on and on.
However, more and more now, to my utter saving grace and absolutely without any type of mental reminder from myself, I’m suddenly in the clear, accepting And. In that still fleeting moment, like this morning, it all suddenly makes perfect sense. I know what it all is. All noise disappears, all thoughts evaporate, “things” move into the background, the colours all change, the sensations are not overwhelming… I know that I know that I exist.
The sense of completion feels like the sweetest death, but a graceful one, a relief, and so a birth. The much desired end of it all. Or, indeed, the And of it all. The pressure dies out, the aches and pains are gone, and I exist in what I can only describe as graceful knowingness. It all has come to me in that moment. I feel myself so close, there, in front of my face, close to… Me.
All the stories are still there, but in such a way that it seems as if the entire world order turned inside out. I am looking at it from a perspective that eludes me amidst all the busyness of life. I am larger than life itself, expanded beyond the limited human experience; I am in this world and not of this world.
Then, it’s gone, or moves a bit further away. It’s another morning, another batch of emails as I wake up, something so distressing happens that it seems to wake me up with a bang on the chest and I feel an entire load of roaring ill sensations in my body. What a disappointment, still remembering the integration of it all just a short while ago. The Impatient Master is back, in a search mode for that experience, no longer in full acceptance.
Just that deep breath, quietly allowing, reaching out for that toolbox of understanding what’s going on. The phases that come and go, the layers, the rounds of integration rolling in just exactly at the right pace, for me. Yes, it is a pain to know all this and it is a joy to know all this! The Impatient Master wants to fix it somehow, yet, it knows that in each breath, it is already at the end of it all, in the And of it all.
So, yes, I’ll do some emails, the ones coming in ding-ding-ding into my actual email accounts, the ones I call real. Exchanges with fellow Shaumbra who may have had similar experiences that day; who may have had angry aspects coming in dreadfully close, who may be tormented by their own stories; or with those who may just be enjoying the sheer simplicity of experiencing something truly magical within. All of us in the swirls of the And of it all.