One of the perks of being Shaumbra is that the so called “veterans” are generally generous with their advice and support towards the “newbies.”
When I first encountered Adamus, I just could not get enough of him. Mostly, I was truly excited to finally connect with folks who were very comfortable with “being different” from the usual spiritual mob. Shaumbra felt real to me, truly able to walk their talk and put you in your place if they smelled any hint of makyo.
I was honored to be part of this gang, and for a long while I genuinely felt like I had to work hard to be as “masterful” as everyone else. Shoud after Shoud, within a few months I went through the entire library.
Crimson Circle literally became my life. It was no surprise that a couple of the older pirates suggested I might slow down a little. After all, each Shoud is packed with so much goodness, one really ought to take their time and savor every bit. Feel it, go back to it, let it integrate, make it their own. But I’m not one for taking advice easily, so I just politely thanked everyone and carried on my own merry way down Realization Road. I actually even thought I’d speed my journey up by taking SES and Aspectology back-to-back: I was on my way and there was no stopping me!
Fast forward a year or so. I suddenly sensed that I’d been standing on the same spot for a while. I ain’t going nowhere here, right? I thought to myself. Realization Road suddenly took a narrow turn, and I grew tired of the endless halting.
Halt and wait; wait and halt. There were days when I would have paid gold for any nugget of wisdom that would propel me forward so I could leave behind the tedious uncertainty of life. I didn’t see this until recently, but what I thought was a genuine desire to grow, often hid the need to control everything within and without me.
“If I take one more course, if I speak to one more Shaumbra, and if I just work harder, perhaps all this will start making sense,” I secretly thought. But it really never did. Despite my best effort to truly accept my humanness, I actually did not, and when I saw that, it was such a blow. I felt betrayed and annoyed.
I was mad at Adamus for being always so annoyingly arrogant and pushy. Mad at Geoff & Linda for being just a conniving and astute business duo. Mad at all these deluded Shaumbra who looked less and less like daring pirates and more like a bunch of hopeless followers.
Whatever Crimson Circle had meant to offer me, now it sounded more like pointless gibberish. After all, had any of it been true, I would not have felt the urge to keep on searching. Devoting so much of my energy on all those Shouds and classes meant I should be feeling “complete” by now. And I was not.
In all honesty, I was mad at myself for not being able to stop this endless search. I wanted a cure that would take away all that uneasiness, that would turn me into some sort of Zen monk, unfazed by the wordily tribulations. After embarking on yet a new “miracle expedition,” one day it all became very clear.
Just like that, out of the blue, I woke up to the fact that nothing would ever work, because it was not my truth. It could never be, because I never gave myself the time to “absorb” all the incredible work I have come across through the years.
Now I could see that, regardless of the belief or the Master, everything I encountered along the way was pointing the same direction. But I never really paid attention to the very clear map I had right in my pocket the whole time. I was so preoccupied with looking for anything that would take me straight to the end of the road, that I didn’t truly look around and let all that beauty speak to me.
Suddenly Adamus’ words no longer felt foreign nor harsh. I was able to go beyond them and grasp their authenticity. But the truly great thing is that I could finally make them my own. It has been so much fun to find myself repeatedly going “Ahhh, I know what he means now!!” and bring those rediscovered truths into my space in a totally new way.
Whenever Adamus stated how the global frenzy does not concern us, I always felt it sounded a bit like wishful thinking and perhaps a tad arrogant. “Let the world struggle while you Shaumbra just turn water into wine,” I thought I could hear him saying.
Now that I truly “hear” his words, I can choose how I allow whatever happens outside my front door to serve me. It may not often be what I had hoped for, and it may surely feel uncomfortable, but I have the ability to use all of it for my own growth, just like when I turned the lockdowns into a long voyage through Shaumbra-land. While the world was reeling from COVID, I spent the entire time getting to know Tobias and Adamus, knowing I had a one-way ticket and intending to stay a long time.
It was only recently that I actually experienced the veracity of what Adamus suggests: as the country faces a long recession, our business, like many others, is being greatly impacted. And while there is no denying that this is really happening, I could still sense space within the constriction brought by the sudden changes.
I sense choices and options, regardless of the unkind nature of this moment. I simply know that what may be an ending is actually leading us somewhere our mind cannot comprehend yet, but our soul is well excited for.
Is it a fun time? No, I would not call it so. In fact, it is fair to say that some moments do feel pretty intense. And yet, I am not stuck because Spirit always finds a way. Always.
Another thing I often struggled with is the idea that suddenly we are just too masterful to hang out with what I call “civilians,” (or “muggles” as per the Shaumbra vernacular). People, I mean. Other people. Non Shaumbra folks who can’t see past their nose and clearly have no idea that they are God also.
For a long time, I believed that Adamus invited us to choose a side, as we were clearly too evolved, and the rest of humanity would simply be a distraction. Same with work; having those “9 to 5 brain damaging jobs” that only pay our bills and keep us way too close to other humans. I often felt Adamus wanted us to give it all up and leave it with our good old fairy god mother to deal with.
It was a huge relief to realize that Adamus simply invites us to have the uttermost respect for the choice to reunite with our soul.
This is, in fact, so precious. Life is never really the same afterwards. Nor should it be.
When one knows that the time has come to accept their divinity whilst still in human form, they will create relations that nurture and inspire them. Jobs will provide them with the means to enjoy being in the world and with the space in which to tend to their inner life.
As we start “tango-ing” with our soul, we learn what and who does us good and we do not settle for less. Whatever gives us joy, stays. The rest is out.
Looking back, I see now why I was told to take a breather as I explored the vast library of Crimson Circle material. I remember being in such awe one day with Tobias’ words, that I felt I wanted “to stay with them” as long as possible. I wanted to keep them in my heart, let them speak to me as I eased myself into the world around. Yet, I jumped straight into a new Shoud, and then another, and another. Until one day I just felt so dry, so desperate to spot that missing link, that miracle cure to the bad disease called life.
And finally, after a little break, coming back into Shaumbra and watching the October Shoud simply felt right.
Adamus will always be mischievous and a bit pushy, but I sense now a compassion and genuine respect for all of us I could not connect with before. Because when you are searching for something, you think you know what it is you should find. But often, somewhere along Realization Road, the mind starts playing some serious tricks and you can get rather lost. And yet, finding the way back is easy enough, and suddenly you are back on track.
There is no more search to do, nothing to find. You are walking down an open road, and everything around whispers to you. There is not here or there. It is just a constant flow in and out of the vastness within and around you.
It does not matter whether we are “veterans” or “newbies,” there is a moment when every Shaumbra is called to walk that road their own way. It could be years before we see the importance of this, or it may never happen. Adamus invites us time and time again to offer ourselves absolute care and respect during our often-eventful journey. Take as many breaks as we need, rest a little and laugh a lot. Mostly, as we learn to trust ourselves, we no longer doubt our sense of direction or frantically look for shortcuts or prettier views. We stay on course, walking hand in hand with Self, knowing that the journey never ends.
Antonia lives in London UK and is an “Energy Intuitive” & founder of Evoking Grace, an online sacred space designed to inspire you to thrive & live a happier life. She has created a very unique approach which combines intuitive skills, timeless wisdom, and practical tools to help you identify hidden dynamics which stop you from living well and truly enjoy yourself. Her offerings and writings can be found on Evoking Grace, Facebook & Instagram.