In the Feb 14 Special Message Adamus asked me to declare what I really wanted to experience in this lifetime and why I have not yet done the last missing step. He asked, “What are you waiting for? What is holding you back?” Yes, deep in my heart I know that all, but putting it into words is whole other problem. There is a big knot in my tummy that I must unravel to get clarity.
Of course, the way into realization is my deepest heartfelt passion, in earlier years by contracts, now by choice. That was and is the still valid and relevant reason to come back to 3D for this lifetime. Adamus said that I already could have done the last step. So why didn’t I do it? What is holding me back? It really is only one last step. I can already smell the aroma of realization, and I know that I can take that step. But realization is only half of my passion! The second part of the job is to stay in the body and in 3D afterwards, and that is exactly the point I am not so sure of.
I have a very strong desire to stay in 3D and live another few years or decades, just as long as I choose. What is the safest way to achieve that? Ah, to not be the first one! It is safer to wait and let a few others go first, for they would pave the way and I can walk more smoothly.
That way of thinking is very familiar to me and I have often been in the second position. With my husband, in my job, in social work – there was always someone standing one step before me. The second position always felt like the best position for me; I feel good there, like it is where I belong.
I muse… Yes, I am a pioneer, but a pioneer of the second row, one step after the person in front. In that position the chance of staying in 3D seems much better. I know the journey of realization is very personal and that I should not be dependent on others. Yet, what is the solution to my dilemma? I know I have to decide, but not today. Today is not the right time for me. Maybe one or two or three others will go first and stay in the body. I will feel it in my heart when the perfect time has come. And yes, Adamus will kick me in the butt from time to time and ask: “What are you waiting for?”
And then the answer came… Okay, I got it! All that was just an excuse. It’s about trust, fear and being bold and daring! It’s not important if other Shaumbra go first and I can follow. Indeed, it is a personal journey. Looking back on my life I can see, how beautifully everything fell into place, with ease and grace (mostly). Why do I still doubt? There is no reason for it. My little-me wanted to control the way to realization, but it is not responsible! Yes, I do have enough courage.
I took a very deep breath and decided to allow my Master-Self to go first. She can be the one in front of me. Master-Self smiled and said: I’m doing it anyway. Let’s go hand in hand together!
Annemarie Scholz has 3 adult children and lives alone near Hamburg, Germany. She has considered herself Shaumbra since finding Crimson Circle in 2005 and this year quit her job in a cubical.