Ho couldn’t stop laughing. “You should have seen his face when they denied him his personal hall of fame!”
He was talking to his old friend, Wanshi, who came to visit him in the Ascended Masters Club every decade or so. “That’s revolutionary,” Wanshi said. “Did they give any reasons?”
“Sure they did. They pointed out that, well, five, does not qualify for yet another extension of the club. All the dust and noise he usually creates is just annoying, you know?”
“You mean five living ascended Masters walking the earth?”
“But five in just a few years is grandiose, isn’t it?”
“Absolutely! Everybody knows it. And he knows that everybody else knows.”
“But he didn’t accept the rejection, did he?”
“Of course not. He insisted on his hall of fame. So, they brought forth a challenge.”
“Five hundred! Or, alternatively, stopping the impending split of New Earth and Old Earth.”
Now it was Wanshi who broke out in laughter. When he caught his breath again he asked, “And what did he say to that?”
“Well, first he went pale. Then he bared his teeth. Then he took on that piercing look, you know, the look that feels like it will burn you to ashes. Then he stood up and, with a strong, unshakable voice he proclaimed, ‘Challenge accepted!’”
“Cool!” Wanshi said.
“But he had one condition.”
“A hall of fame would not be enough. It has to be the Grand Hall of Fame. He is still so much into titles.”
Wanshi took a sip of his wine. “You guys really know how to convert this boring ascension into a fun a ride.”
“We just love creating stories.” Ho paused and lifted his head, sniffing the air. “Can you smell that odor? He’s coming.”
Wanshi looked up and saw Adamus approaching the table. “What kind of perfume is that?”
Ho rolled his eyes. “Well, he never really went beyond name-dropping. In a recent seminar with his incarnates he bragged about his outstanding relationship with Catherine the Great.”
“Catherine? Wasn’t she the one known for her dozens of lovers?”
“Right. That one. Anyway, she gifted him this special perfume and he apparently managed to bring it through his ascension process. Imagine this: Letting go of everything and, in the last moment, when you are just about leaving the earth realm, you see this beautiful crystal perfume bottle from C the Great. Anyway, somehow he grabbed it and brought it here.”
“Maybe it was more about the crystal than about the perfume,” Wanshi giggled.
“Ah, you may have a point here.”
Adamus arrived at the table.
“Adamus,” Ho said, “you remember my friend Wanshi?”
“Wanshi? Sure I do. You were the … what was it, the gardener?”
“Kind of,” Wanshi said. “My motto was ‘Cultivating the empty field.’”
“Right, I remember,” Adamus replied. “And did your disciples get it?”
“Well, some did. The others are still around to this very day. At least I planted the seeds.”
“Yeah, seeds of nothingness. You can never have enough of them.” Adamus took a seat. “Speaking of nothingness, did I ever tell you the story of why I’m so much into placebos?”
Ho and Wanshi glanced at each other and shook their heads.
“Good. Story time. I had totally forgotten about it, but lately I had to distract my elite group with the story of my last birth, and it reminded me. My birth was pre-arranged, right? The most capable parents, the most exquisite environment, the most favorable alignment of stars, unbelievable teachers lined up, stunning castles just waiting for me …”
“Sure, we get the idea,” Ho said, “What happened?”
“Okay. It was conception time. My parents were doing their thing in this luxurious king-sized bed. I was hovering in the room, waiting for the sperm to hit the egg, so to speak. But alas, they were enjoying each other too much and dragged out the whole episode. I got bored and glanced around the room – and was shocked to my not-yet-physical bones. Believe it or not, everything in that room was the same color! Everything!”
“Violet! I mean, why violet? Is that even a color? For a man? For the next Super Ascended Master to walk the earth? How did they come up with this, this … violet? That became my original trauma in what was supposed to be my perfect lifetime. The birthing was a piece of cake, but that violet has haunted me ever since.”
“Oh, what a dreadful burden. Some of us really had to start out with serious challenges,” Ho sympathized. “Violet. So, Adamus, what did you do to overcome your trauma?”
“Well, I decided to do to the world what they did to me. As soon as I received my rightful ascension status, I declared violet to be extremely special. I even managed to make it into a kind of god, the Violet Flame, remember? It would help everybody to burn away everything unwanted, to purify, to enlighten and all the rest of it.”
“Did it work?” Wanshi asked.
“See, that’s the point.” Adamus sighed deeply. “Yes, it did! It worked for everybody but me. That’s why I became so fond of placebos. Just use that special voice, declare whatever you want as useful, and they’ll believe it. And, because they believe it, it will work for them. Guess that’s why it didn’t work for me.”
Suddenly an alarm went off and red lights started flashing everywhere in the club.
“What’s this?” Wanshi asked.
“That’s my latest invention, the black fog alarm system. I installed it yesterday,” Adamus ran a hand through his hair. “I’m serious with getting my Grand Hall of Fame. Therefore, I need to delay the split of Old and New Earths.”
“Delay?” asked Ho. “Don’t you mean to stop it?”
“Well, it’s too late for that. Things have accelerated too much. Right now, I concentrate on delaying the split long enough to get those 500.”
“And why is the alarm going off?”
“It signals an attempt by aliens to becloud my close-to-ascension protégées on earth with some black fog.”
“But why would they do that?”
“Because they want to make them being fed up with being on the planet so they’ll want to leave. Their bright lights are an annoyance to those aliens, and they fear others could be infected by it; so they cloud their senses with a foggy, muddy blackness, trying to suck the joy out of their lives.”
Adamus was getting up.
“A moment,” said Wanshi. “What are you going to do about it?”
“We’ll rush out and sprinkle some Violet Light Dust on those ugly muddy bubbles.”
“Violet Light Dust?”
“Yes, like a perfume.”
“And does it work?”
“Of course not! But the aliens believe it will. In fact, as soon as they sense the Violet Light Dust they believe their attempt will backfire on them, and then they retract. So yes, of course it does work.”
Adamus arched an eyebrow at Ho and Wanshi. “So, please feel free to call me the Grandmaster of Placebo, but now you’ll have to excuse me. I need to organize my Rapid Response Team. They have already filled their crystal bottles and are ready to go.”
Adamus rushed off to the back of the club.
“Rapid Response Team?” Wanshi asked.
“Yeah,” said Ho, “He promised some of the others a nice plaque in his Grand Hall of Fame if they would help him, and sure enough, some joined.”
Wanshi shook his head. He was not used to this hilarious way of creating experiences. After some contemplation, he leaned over to Ho and asked in a low voice, “Do you know where I can get a crystal bottle with some Violet Light Dust?”
“You might check out the freshly created Mission Control Center, over there next to the bar. Something about ‘strategic positioning’ was his argument when he took that space.” Ho looked to that area. “Why do you ask?”
“I need to try that dust on my seeds of nothingness. Just curious if they will sprout.”
Joachim Wolffram is. He holds the patent on how to create the Violet Light Dust, and even published the recipe in hidden form in his various books, visible only to the true adepts, of course. You can contact him through his website www.wolffram.de or through Facebook at www.facebook.com/joachim.wolffram