This is the story of how I experienced a “breakthrough” the topic of abundance. I know that you all know that abundance is not really about money, but more about our own energy flow, yet money has become a symbol of this flow. Over time, and for many different reasons, the human has been “locked” into a belief that this flow is only about money and that the world cannot work without money. In other words, the energy flow has been “locked” in this way. And when somebody tries to break through this “lock,” it can be perceived as having to die. Yes, one must dare to risk dying, and I experienced this. I had to be willing to die to get through this “lock.”
In September 2014, my daughter turned 18 years old and the money I had been receiving as her child support stopped coming. Before then, she and I had lived for a year and a half on $400 per month. During this time, I repeatedly experienced the money being completely gone, and every time some more came unexpectedly. It wasn’t falling from the sky, but I got the feeling that I had put this challenge in front of me so that, when I needed it most, a little bit of money came in to help me get by. But there was never any extra, and for me this was really important. I had made a conscious choice to get through this “lock,” and with too much money, I would not have met my deepest fear. So, you see, I knew I had chosen this, and there was no reason to be a victim.
Those two years, 2013 and 2014, were my hardest times regarding money. I knew they would be, and that I was going through this tough time to help me break through this barricade, this money pattern of “barely enough,” which is also a very strong barrier to most of humanity. Money is set up as the greatest obstacle, and it is one of the toughest to break through. In my experience, it felt as if it was about life and death, because at one point I had to let go so much that I also was willing to die.
So, in September 2014 when my daughter turned 18 and my bank account was empty, I was ready to cross over if that was what I had chosen. If this was the highest wish of my soul, it was completely okay, because I told myself that I would NOT go back to old ways of doing things. I would NOT start hunting for some job, I would NOT fix or strive for anything. No way. If I’m not ready to leave the planet, then things must come to me in a simple and joyful way. I also said it must come to me in whatever would serve me best, no matter what that may be. If it comes as a job or as something else, no matter, but I will not go looking for it. And I also knew I had to be willing to accept what came without question, and trust it was for my highest best, what I most needed. I knew my ego had no idea what was my highest best, because it had zero overview.
After I had declared all this, I simply lay down on the couch and took a nap.
I do not really remember how long it took, maybe two or three days, but suddenly there was a message on my phone from someone that I didn’t know, inquiring about whether I could provide massage. Laying in the bathtub a little later, I wondered about it. I was not a masseur, so why had I received this inquiry? Suddenly I remembered that I had a massage table in the barn which had not been used for many years (my ex and I had bought it to massage each other), and suddenly I knew – of course I can give massage!
I had not yet even thought about my fee before I felt from within, “And you shall charge $180 for each massage.” No, no, I said, that’s too much. After a while, I realized I could dare to receive $150. I knew that this was all about appreciating myself, but I was also told that if I did not charge a high price it would bring the wrong type of people and I would get worn out. So, only a few days later my first customer arrives. He was the one who had sent me the message and turned out to be my closest neighbor. Since he had only recently moved in, I had not met him yet.
Gradually more massage customers came, even though it had never occurred to me to start working as a masseur. And, after only three massages, I also increased the price to $180 – and still the customers came. It felt right, and I chose to go for the feeling, even though the mind tried to interfere and go about this business stuff in an old way. When I listened to myself, my intuition, I could feel the answer. The challenge was to really GO FOR IT and trust that what I felt inside me was the reality. Again and again, I realized that what’s real was inside me, not on the outside.
Earlier in 2014 I went through a period of extreme fear. If I even thought about the income stopping in September, I would feel so terrified that my whole body would shake. When I think about it now, I almost wonder how I got through that year and the one before, because of the fear. I remember doing a lot of conscious breathing to help me stay in the physical body. I didn’t want to get up in my head and thus “flee” from this experience I was determined to meet.
But back to my story and the physical manifestation of my choices. A few days after the first massage, I found the newspaper in my mailbox. I had not subscribed to a newspaper for over 10 years! The special thing was that, in the moment I picked up the newspaper, I could feel there was something in it for me. I opened it up and the first thing I saw was an ad for a job as a personal assistant for a physically disabled young man. And he lived only 10 minutes from my home!
I have to admit wondering if this really was my highest best, but the feeling told me to apply. I would make it easy and just write an email. And, since I had burned up all my certificates and diplomas many years earlier (just to make sure ;-) ), I simply wrote the truth: that I did not have any papers to show, but that it was me, not the papers, which were going to work. I thought if I’m supposed to have this job, I’ll get it and if not, I won’t.
Over the next period of time, my mind came up with all the arguments he had against contacting me. You see, I knew he was the same age as my eldest son, which meant I was old enough to be his mother, so of course he wouldn’t want an old lady for the assistant! (His mother actually confirmed this later… it’s amazing how we can communicate with each other.) But, in spite of all this, at another level I knew I would hear from him, and about three weeks later I got the phone call. He would hire me.
The situation turned out to be perfect for me! Unlike an ordinary job, I was free to decide how much I would work, and it turned out to pay very well for a small amount of easy work. It also gave me a lot of time for myself even when at work. It has given me the experiences I needed to fine-tune myself just a bit more, and the old lady turned out to not be an old lady after all.
Slowly but surely, more and more abundance has come into my life, and not only in the form of money. That’s not what this is all about, and I think if you focus too much on money, it can stop the energy flow. In this period, I looked at absolutely everything – every bill, every situation – as a tool to serve me, a new opportunity to adjust myself even more.
Of course, this is my story and only mine. It is not meant as a recipe for anyone else, but rather an encouragement to trust yourself, to take one step at a time and really be present in yourself and in your own feeling. This is the most important message I can give. And then to really be present in your physical body, even if it is shaking in fear.
I admit there were a couple of times when I had to ask my soul for help, and then I felt something was lifted from me so that I could continue to be present in my body.
Another thing that is very important is to go completely out of this feeling of a victim. Everything comes as a gift to help us through, and I really mean EVERYTHING. I looked at each and every bill, each and every experience as a gift, and was very aware if I started to be a victim. I knew very well what this whole experience was all about and what would lead me further, and it was definitely not being a victim!
This is a story about perhaps my most challenging time on the way to becoming my own Master. And, to be honest, if anyone asks me how I managed to get through this experience I can only say … I don’t have a clue.
You don’t need to do it my way. But it helps to trust yourself completely and refuse to be a victim. And remember... you will not die!
Wenche-Mari lives in Tromso in northern Norway. She says, “Between 1992 and 2002 I experienced my whole life fall apart and I lost everything – my job, home, marriage, and even had to leave my two young sons (7 and 3 years old). I did not understand anything, but during those ten years I also got a new home, a new relationship, and a daughter. That relationship fell apart too, but this time I kept my daughter and my home. Those 10 years were what I call my ‘unconscious awakening,’ because really I did not understand what was going on.
“In 2002 everything changed again, but in a completely different way, like opening Pandora’s box. It was like going into a different world and for me it was incredible. Then, in 2003, Crimson Circle came into my life, as well as a new Shaumbra partner, and I started a new part of my journey. It was tiring but nevertheless amazing.
“In 2015 I felt everything changing again, becoming much calmer. Since then, I’ve experienced that everything is simple, and I have no expectations. I live from a new place within myself, where I am much more in the moment. Here I found the pleasure in myself and the beauty in life. Today, I live alone with my cat, life is really good, and now it feels like I’m about to go into something new once again!”
Wenche-Mari may be contacted at her website or via email.