The following story is inspired by real events.

The Shaumbra master sat on the park bench, pulled his coat tight against the chill winter breeze and drizzling rain, and breathed in the beauty of nature. The river was rushing by at full torrent, much like the river of energy he so often felt raging through his own body. A gaggle of geese came toward him, honking loudly in their raspy, obnoxious and hopeful voices. “You sound like some of my aspects,” he said with a laugh, and when he didn’t offer a handout they wandered noisily off.

“Speaking of which,” came a dark and disturbed inner voice, “when are you ever going to get your life under control?”

“Hello Doubt,” the master thought with a smile. “You forget, I gave up controlling my life almost a year ago.”

“But Master, what kind of life is this?” the aspect called Doubt demanded. “I mean, here you are in this cold, dark and rainy place. You’ve been sick, your body feels like it’s falling apart, and you’ve barely had enough money to get by. You’ve no passion and you’re bored beyond belief. Your body and mind are obsessed with sex, because you haven’t had any in way too long. The conscious ladies don’t seem to be interested in it anymore, you’re not interested in anyone else, and even your own Isis has gone off to find herself. You’re sitting around way too much and eating too much junk, and then you wonder why you feel like shit. And you think you’re enlightened! You think you’ve had your realization! Ha ha ha ha! What a joke! What an out-of-control schmuck you’ve become!”

The master took a deep breath and smiled. “These aspects are as shortsighted as those geese,” he thought, watching the whole flock go screaming and flapping across the beach toward a passerby who was tossing out bits of bread, right in front of the sign that said how bad bread is for the birds.

Yes, it was all true. Something had shifted almost a year ago. It was so subtle he’d hardly noticed and didn’t remember the date, but it had changed everything. In looking back all he could say is that somewhere deep inside he had let go. He’d stopped trying to find enlightenment or anything else, and started just enjoying whatever there was to enjoy in the moment. He wasn’t even aware of having made the decision, for it hadn’t come from his mind. It was more like a simple knowing that it just didn’t matter anymore, and in that release everything had changed.

Life began to flow like it never had before. It took twists and turns that, at any other time in his life would have driven him crazy with frustration and worry, but now he just smiled as he watched the incredible ways that everything worked out when he didn’t try to control it. All his problems vanished, not because the circumstances that had seemed like such huge problems were gone, but because when he stopped trying to fix and manage them, they all started taking care of themselves. The money he needed was just there when he needed it, usually arriving in ways that seemed completely normal and natural, but that he couldn’t possibly have predicted.

Even the weather started cooperating with him. Right now he was able to sit on the park bench and observe the beauty of the river, the ducks and geese and even the people passing by, because the heavy rain that was forecast for the whole day was only a light drizzle at the moment. It wasn’t that he had willed the rain to stop; it was simply that he had decided to go for a walk despite the rain, and the weather had cooperated. And that seemed to be how everything in the master’s life was working these days.

At first the master didn’t know what it all meant. To the average onlooker his life appeared just about the same as ever, but his perspective had changed and the worry was gone, and life was responding to him in a whole new way. “Is this realization?” He found himself asking one day in amazement, and instantly Doubt was there with all the reasons why it couldn’t be. Where was the lightning and fireworks? Where were all the other dimensions and senses? Why wasn’t he aware of conversing directly with Adamus and all the other ascended masters? Why couldn’t he reach into his pocket and pull out thousands of dollars? Why was his body still struggling with disease, and why did he still feel so stuck in his mind? And on and on Doubt went. But Adamus said that none of those things had anything to do with realization, and everything he said about others who had had their realization fit the master’s experience perfectly. At last he had to admit to himself that, “Yes, it seems that I am enlightened. And apparently, all that means is that somewhere deep inside, I finally let go.”

Then the master’s life changed yet again. The amazing grace and flow and inner calm stayed with him, but it felt as though everything was getting darker. He thought perhaps it was the winter coming on, or the surprising turn of events in American politics. But he suspected it was more than that, and soon he began to understand why most of the ascended masters left as soon as they had their realization.

You see, once you let go at such a deep level, once the choice has been made to keep the mind out of the way, then the body and the soul can finally get down to the real work of transformation. And that is a difficult and often painful process that must not be done too fast, or the body would blow out and make just another dead ascended master. So the master found his life and body going further and further out of control, and he allowed it to happen. There were times when he felt like he was dying and Doubt told him he was being incredibly irresponsible, but he just kept coming back to “I Exist” and allowing it to happen.

Even now, as the master sat on the park bench watching the geese and ducks preening themselves and chattering noisily, he knew it wasn’t over yet. The energies of transformation were still raging through his body like the swollen river, and from the human perspective he didn’t know if he could survive this process. But that thought always made his master self smile and say, “All is well, just keep allowing.” And so he did.

The master’s mobile phone rang, and he sighed as he pulled it out of his pocket. He knew who it was before he even looked at the screen, and what was to come. He took a deep breath and accepted the call.

Tom was at his wit’s end. His job was more stressful than ever and seemed to be sucking the life right out of him. His girlfriend was leaving, for no matter how hard he worked on the relationship she was never satisfied. And now, at the master’s urging, he’d been watching some of the Shouds on the Crimson Circle website.

For a time the master listened patiently as Tom went on and on about all the latest drama in his life. “I know something has to change,” he said at last, “but I can’t figure out what or how. I used to be good at following my guidance, but now I get so many mixed messages I can’t figure out what is real. Oh, and what is Adamus’ problem with vitamins and supplements? They’re the only thing holding me together anymore! And why does this enlightenment thing have to be so hard? Everybody says I’m already enlightened, but I don’t feel like it, and it seems the closer I get to realization the more my life goes out of control. Why can’t I get this? Adamus says it’s just about letting go, and I’ve already let go of so much! What am I doing wrong?”

“Tom,” the master said, before he could launch into yet another story of misery and drama, “there is only one thing standing between you and the full realization of your enlightenment.”

“What’s that?” Tom demanded. “Tell me! I’ll do anything!”

“That’s just the thing, Tom,” the master replied. “It’s not something you can do. The only thing that stands between any person who has woken up, as you and so many others have, and their full realization, is power.”

“I don’t understand,” Tom said. “I stopped seeking power a long time ago.”

“Did you? What about that job you keep doggedly doing, just because you can’t see how else your financial needs could be met? That’s power. Or that relationship that you work so hard to keep, just because it’s familiar and you want to be right? That’s power. Or those vitamins and supplements you think are holding your body together? They’re just more power, and every time you take one you’re telling your body you don’t trust it. Have you ever worked for a micro-manager, Tom?”

“Yes, every day!” Tom exclaimed. “That’s one of the things that makes my job so horrible, for every time I get something working right, my boss comes along and messes it all up.”

“Then you understand how your body feels,” the master said.

After a long silence Tom asked, “So what do I do? How do I find my guidance again?”

“There is no guidance, Tom. Inner guidance is a mind game, a power game, that we use to get more power and control over our lives. Life simply responds to the act we are playing out, and it never tells us what that act should be.”

“So how can I get my life back under control?” Tom asked, with desperation in his voice. The master smiled, for he knew how hard it can be to grasp such a simple concept. And he also knew how sincere Tom was, so he gave it to him straight.

“You don’t. Tom, you speak of your life going out of control as though it were a bad thing, and I tell you that you should be celebrating it! For in my own realization the biggest thing I’ve learned is that enlightenment is about going completely and utterly out of control. It is only when you have thrown away your last oar, only when you have surrendered yourself fully and unconditionally to the river of life (which happens to be your very own soul), only then can the river take you, and carry you over the waterfall and into the grandest experience you cannot yet imagine.”

“You ask a great deal of a man,” Tom said quietly, “but I know it is true.”

“No Tom, it is you who asks this of you. Are you ready to trust yourself that much?”

“I don’t have much choice,” Tom replied, “for I think I’m just about out of oars.”

“I know you are, and that is why I am celebrating for you, even if you cannot yet find reason to celebrate for yourself. Godspeed, my friend!”

Returning the phone to his pocket, the master rose and headed home to his own out-of-control life. He’d just closed the door when the downpour came, thundering on the roof as he settled into his favorite (and only) easy chair. “Damn, life is good!” he said with a smile as he stroked his cat, and reached for the remote to watch a little television and take his mind off the strange sensations in his body.

John can be reached at [email protected]

4 comments on "Out of Control"

  • Kristin Molander on March 15, 2017 3:47 AM said:
    Love your story.😃😃
  • Brenda Harley on March 10, 2017 7:59 AM said:
    John, I hear ya! Strange body these days and also a calm acceptance that all is truly well AND so it goes...Thanks for sharing your master "full" sense with us :)
  • diane on March 7, 2017 10:04 AM said:
    tank you Tom ,verry verry tank you Diane
  • diane on March 7, 2017 10:02 AM said:
    merci beaucoup John ....xox Diane

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