The release of The Master’s Life 6: No More! brought up a lot of comments from Shaumbra. “Why on Earth did Adamus stop everything just on the verge of finally moving into true creation?” “What is this old stuff?” “Haven’t most of us taken the Sexual Energies School and are surely beyond carrying any emotional baggage?”
Apparently not. Adamus claims there are still a few things that are actually holding us back, despite all the releasing we’ve done over the years, mainly duality battles and anger. I’m one of those who left the last round of releasing to the very last minute. Perhaps not so smart, perhaps the wisest thing I could do; we all have our unique journeys. You see, what we have now, is a whole new tool that was not available until we came to the point of inviting the Master into our lives.
THE MIND VS SAFE SPACE
When you, in all your innocence and desire to experience this creation, let yourself witness what horrors and torment anger can cause and did nasty things to others (we all did…), the last thing you want to do is give in to it ever again. Especially Shaumbra struggle with this – we carry this goodness in our hearts and just don’t want to hurt anyone (anymore) – so, this is how the mind works and the result is rather skillfully suppressed emotions. The idea is to later release the held in emotions and move on. However, with truly traumatic experiences (rape, murder, violence), or even with slightly less traumatic ones (divorce, traffic accidents, loss), the human is confronted with a tremendous challenge, especially when we’re talking about lifetimes of accumulated trauma. And sure enough, the emotion that always comes up as a bit of a surprise with these is anger. Not so much sadness or fear, but anger.
The process can get really ugly: it can turn you inside out and have you literally cry for mercy. I’m talking about actual life- and sanity-threatening quantities of anger and other suppressed emotions, not just being pissed off because your boyfriend didn’t do the dishes. I’m talking about aspects that got so angry they will do anything to annihilate you. (Note: blessed be and quietly grateful, if you’ve chosen an easier set of lifetimes!) But we will, eventually – now! – have to feel and release that anger or we can kiss enlightenment goodbye.
In the all-important core class Sexual Energies School, Tobias and Adamus assure us that we can create that safe space ourselves by choice and allow ALL emotions to roam freely, on their way out. There is the beautiful Aliyah that assists in the process of releasing anything that is stuck. A brilliant and effective solution. However, despite the vast transformations that Shaumbra have allowed within themselves with the help of the materials, this anger, this tightly stuck anger is still somewhere in there, causing a very real roadblock and completely unnecessary hardship. So many are so close and, yet, this undefinable sickening grime is holding them back, dragging them down and making them want to quit the game.
ENOUGH! NO MORE!
This past autumn, I had had enough of banging my head on the wing ceiling, I couldn’t fly any higher. I had certainly wanted to just crash through it, but couldn’t quite figure out how to, even though I knew I had all the tools. My human just never felt safe enough, fully safe – until I could properly feel the presence of the Master. And you need to feel absolutely and entirely safe to truly allow the final layers to be released, the ones that would literally implode, if carelessly released. With the Master by my side, I finally started allowing myself to feel all the accumulated, putrid energies of anger, its little friends called resentment, frustration, irritation and annoyance, and all the other stuck energies I was still carrying with me.
Wow, was that a lot more than I could ever have imagined! It was a crazy leap of trust in myself to allow all that at one go. It took some painful honesty, as well as heaps of heavy-duty compassion for myself to get through the rounds of natural resistance. At one point, it stopped my body from operating, and I had to practically resuscitate my digestive system to get it back online. Yes, it’s in the gut. It got me both popping out of my body and going into some intense physical experiences. There were times I couldn’t speak or think straight – and then I started thinking too much. I don’t think my heart is still quite back on track with how to do its job. The shifts got me into gasping and eye-rolling and other stuff I won’t even go into (yes, drama, I’ll save you from that until we meet at the Ascended Masters Club for story time). But it finally got me to a place of silence. The old engines stopped.
Then, in February, Adamus presented the tool of all tools for transmuting this fiery emotion that is still holding back so many Shaumbra. Anger, the fear of anger, the fear of the human self. After all I had just been through, my first feeling was, “And now you tell me?” Well, yes, now it was time to transmute that natural energy of anger consciously, with the ease and the grace of a Master; to go into true alchemy! Going through the sessions gave me great clarity about what I had just gone through and what I could do next to keep flying.
FROM ANGER TO CLARITY
What I can say, from the depths of my experiences, is take the tool and run with it, if you haven’t already! Use that very same energy of anger now for your own benefit, to break out of the straightjacket you put yourself in! The thing is, if you are able to hold back your anger, you are able to hold back your enlightenment – or at least make it one excruciatingly painful ride in a body that keeps falling apart as your life just stops around you. It will just plain hurt. Your efforts might bring you something “okay,” but certainly nothing outrageous.
By the way, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re all full of pretty creations and holy niceness and all that smoke screen of how terribly enlightened and abundant you are already: if you can’t feel that 50 kilos of anger inside you that Adamus talks about, chances are you’ll trip on the loot at a later date and crash, face down. You may not rise again, at least for a while.
The good news is that you can do this and you’ll love it! It’s time to distill everything into wisdom, no matter how sticky and yucky and scary things got along the way. Magical and fantastic things have been coming my way as I’ve used the tool. A flood of consciousness-rattling liberation and insights. I’m also acting quite differently now in situations where I would’ve earlier been acting like a proper wimp.
It’s taken a bit of getting used to. As I started practising using the tool, I once found myself shouting some foul stuff in the middle of the street at a lady who tried to tell me how to raise my kids (I was a bit shocked at myself, so I resorted to a lot of cussing in my native language instead of theirs and felt sticky afterwards). I then let myself walk out of a class happily angry after some condescending treatment (I was late and they wanted to tell me off, as if!). I’ve given dear husband a serious “No more” ultimatum about a few things and the kids have had their share of raging mum (no, they don’t break; yes, I’ve made them cry). I’ve also done plenty of Shaumbra VR trips: imagining. I’ve let some situations come up, moments when I should’ve just let that anger out, just to get more opportunities to feel anger, to act it out (meaning, to chop off some virtual heads). I really, really just had to let that anger emerge to get to the goodies.
Then, I started getting different results with the tool. For example, I completely stopped a lady wasting my time at the school yard over some petty rule thing. Where I would’ve earlier just listened smiling, I felt the ire fire up and raise in my body and I sort of breathed into it to make it grow and I used the tool and just said, “No, I’m not going to do what you suggest” and walked on. This experience was fantastic in its simplicity and I felt incredible liberation afterwards. I really felt the “It doesn’t matter” as what it truly is. That also got other things moving.
I didn’t go glaring ballistic over the real-life situations, I guess that was my fear, but I got the energy roaring in my body and even expanding outside of my body, like one of those red-eyed cartoon monsters with little horns that just balloon into giants and let steam out of their ears. But nothing got broken, I didn’t feel ashamed, I didn’t feel like I was doing something wrong, the situations just blew over pretty fast and I was left with these varied feelings of clarity, creative or strong energy, a fire, and… well, more freedom. I was finally doing something very right for me.
I have a new sense of freedom, tangible insights of “It doesn’t matter” and internal cleanliness, silence, sensuality. My body is becoming way lighter and better energized, like the airplane I am is opening all hatches and dropping the excess load and fuel to go into free glide. I have discovered that pure anger is, actually, a very beautiful, clear feeling. It’s crispy, not murky. I feel joy in anger, it’s sensual and it flows. This clarity and that energy is simply impossible to use for anything destructive. This is why we had to stop before going into true creation.
P.S. If you’re not sure what to do, just let yourself be driven by your passion for your enlightenment at this time. The wings will carry you through, I know this for myself. No tricks or pills or processing. It’s about the passion. We’ve just been called to Consciousness in ProGnost 2018, Shaumbra, I’m responding to that!
Maija Leisso has been with the Crimson Circle since 2001 or so. Her true passion is Embodied Realization in this lifetime. She is a mother of two, a Keahaker, Advanced Studies Teacher and former member of the Crimson Circle Staff. She is now mainly benching, talking about the journey to enlightenment on Facebook and translating CC materials as a volunteer. She may be contacted on Facebook or via email.