I just listened to Master’s Life 14 – Soul Encounters. It brought clarity and validation to an experience I had eleven years ago. Other people (OP) are an illusion. In truth, they are just ourselves, masquerading as other people, as Adamus says. I’ve been waiting a long time for him to tell us this because in my experience eleven years ago, I realized exactly that. Maybe this is still a strange concept to many Shaumbra and not something they can really feel yet. This is why I want to share my experience, hoping that a real-life report from a person on earth will shed a little more light on the matter.
Back in 2010 I was with Peter. It was a very stressful on-off relationship and I’m not exactly proud of it, but of course it made sense at the time. Peter and I wanted to go camping for one night by a river. Sometime before, we had made a short trip to the Schlei in Northern Germany and I knew how to find beautiful campsites in nature: get a good map and find dirt roads that end by a river. We had discovered one of these just outside Worpswede, where we lived.
Peter was supposed to pick me up in his packed car on Monday afternoon, but I felt extremely bad, in so much pain that the whole weekend had been hell. I was always in pain, pain, pain. It had dominated my life since my awakening in 2006. Peter was at another one of his stupid festivals with loads of drugs, and I was so miserable I wouldn’t have been sad if he missed our date. At the same time, I hoped that – as usual – I would find my balance before he arrived. But that was not the case this time. When Peter arrived, I should have called everything off, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So, I pulled myself together, packed my things in the car and off we drove.
I remember noticing how happy and relaxed Peter was and it annoyed me, but I didn’t let it show because I felt that would be unfair. When we got to our chosen spot, there was a car already there, along with a fisherman sitting by the river. After standing around a bit Peter walked over to the guy, who said that this place belonged to the fishing club and we could forget about camping here. He personally wouldn’t care, but someone from the club would certainly shoo us away later.
I also noticed that the place wasn’t as remote as I had remembered it. The nearby houses were more than a kilometer away, but because the landscape was completely flat, they were in plain sight – as we would also be, especially when our campfire was lit in the dark.
I still felt terrible and expected that Peter would abandon the excursion any minute. But he didn’t; on the contrary, he was very relaxed and said that the guy would soon disappear and then we would make ourselves comfortable here. Peter had told me that in such situations he would always put a huge glass bell over himself in his mind. Others could see him, but nobody could get close to him through the glass, so that he would be completely safe and protected, and that I should just wait and see.
This method didn’t work for me at all. It was just a mental affirmation that I didn’t believe in. But Peter was so firmly convinced of his “power of thought” that he radiated total relaxation and safety – and at least a little bit of it radiated on to me.
Soon the fisherman drove away, and we unpacked our things. Peter put up the tent and I went to collect wood. I was glad to be alone for a while, still hoping that I could somehow find my way to clarity and dissolve my pain. I tried everything to calm myself, but nothing helped.
When I returned, Peter’s fishing rods were in the water and he was tending the campfire. I sat down but, feeling like sh*t, I couldn’t get comfortable. I was desperate. I could never get through this evening with so much pain, but I didn’t want to give up either, because I knew it could actually be very nice. Above all, I had the feeling that if I went home now, everything would be lost. It would be a new stage in my life with pain that I could no longer endure, and everything would be over.
I tried to balance myself for a while longer, and then just gave up. I remember sitting there, Peter was working on the fire, and I sank back onto the sleeping mat. I opened my mouth to tell Peter how bad I truly felt and that we had to pack everything up and go home – when something happened.
The enlightenment came.
In this movement of sinking backwards onto the mat, my world opened up. It was as if the sky was suddenly torn open, as if invisible walls that had been around my world broke open, collapsed and dissolved. The world suddenly became infinitely wide and huge. I got an unimaginable shock and uttered something like “Oh shit!” which Peter didn’t seem to hear at all.
Before I could even get scared, suddenly everything was overwhelmingly beautiful. I recognized – not with my eyes, but with my whole being – that everything in the world is ME. Everything here was me. Everything in nature, the trees, the sky, just everything, everything that I saw, everything that was around me – all of that was myself. There was no one else. I was the only one here, JUST ME!
I would not have been surprised if I had found myself on the other side, dead, because this realization was like the ultimate resolution. Just like a crime story ends as soon as the killer is caught, I knew that all of life’s mysteries had just been resolved. But I didn’t die. Fine with me.
I was so excited and amazed and full of joy that I immediately wanted to tell Peter what I had just realized – but then I saw how ridiculous that was. Why should I tell Peter when he too was only myself??!! There was just me and no one else. So, I shut up and marveled, quietly enjoying myself.
The realization “It’s only me here!” was so liberating. No one could dictate or tell me anything. If I wanted to, I could even kill people or do mean things, and nobody would care because nobody was there!!! I didn’t want to, of course, but just knowing I could was so freeing – and even shocking – considering how hard I had been on myself in the past when I hadn’t even dared to say “No” to others.
Unfortunately, the sensation I had is indescribable. Later I thought of a hand immersed in a tub of black paint so that only the clean fingertips peek out. Until then I had experienced myself as one finger ‘here’ and, separate from me, many other fingers ‘there’ with which I can somehow interact. But now I knew that I was the whole hand. Everything I perceived was like an infinite number of fingers on my own hand. All of that was me, I just hadn’t noticed the connection to these parts of myself until now.
I had often read of enlightenment experiences where someone feels that “all is one,” but these are not the words that came to my mind during this experience. For me, “all one” means that I am only a part of the whole. What I experienced instead is that EVERYTHING is ME. I am the whole. There is nothing else and no one else. I am all parts. Peter is me. But I am not Peter. Because there is only me. Yes, there are perhaps other Peters, many others, elsewhere, in other dimensions, which I do not perceive and which I do not even care about. I only know: This Peter is my Peter. He’s only here because I am here. He is mine.
And then, there at our campsite, I looked towards the sky. Or maybe I just noticed it without looking up. The sky was brimming with my energy as if, all over the place, as far as the eye could see, small energetic beings were swirling around excitedly and beaming at me in joy. They were so delighted that I finally had recognized them. They beamed at me so expectantly, bouncing and whirling around. Everything was packed full of liveliness and excitement as they waited for me to tell them what to do for me.
I was too overwhelmed to decide anything at that moment, too busy taking it all in. But I knew that my energy would always be there and that I had all the time in the world to give them my orders.
Now I saw the houses in the distance, their lights already on, and I suddenly knew: Those people are here to protect us, to ensure that we can enjoy our excursion in peace. They will not let anyone pass who could disturb us. Suddenly it gave me such a warm feeling of safety to have these houses in sight.
Then the evening took its course. We barbecued, sat by the campfire half the night, drank beer and later crawled into the tent. Nothing happened out of the ordinary, but everything was special for me now. I was full of joy and just loved being so awake and clear. My pain had completely disappeared since that moment of enlightenment.
Once, relatively early on, when I went to collect more wood, I thought about how I could use my clear consciousness in my relationship with Peter. We always had so much trouble, and even on our drive I had been so irritated with his annoying party and drug stories. And so, I decided that I really wanted Peter to be here with me tonight. Not distracted and not with his stupid topics determining our evening. It’s about us enjoying our time here together.
And that’s exactly what happened! We had very, very deep and intimate conversations, and shared warm and loving feelings. When we finally crawled into the tent, we even slept together. I had been with Peter for a year and a half and, except for the very first time, I didn’t like sleeping with him at all. Something was wrong there, and I was always relieved when he wasn’t in the mood. But now I wanted to sleep with him – or rather, I wanted to love him – because it wasn’t just sex the way Peter liked it. No, now it was the way I loved it – so tender, without any goal or pressure, slowly and quietly. It was beautiful. Afterwards, I couldn’t stop touching him because I was so full of love and tenderness.
But Peter got tired and soon fell asleep, and that hurt because I knew now that we were worlds apart when it came to love and tenderness. It was enough for this night to be very, very beautiful, but I knew that I needed a completely different love partner to be able to fully enjoy my own love. Realizing this was a relief, for now I could stop trying to change Peter or myself. That night I slept without pain for the first time in many years, my body relaxed like never before.
How nice if my story ended here, but the clarity didn’t even last a day. There were still a lot of rollercoaster rides ahead and so much more to release and to allow.
Looking back, I’d say that I wasn’t ready to let my energy really serve me. If the enlightened state had persisted, I would have watched in amazement as I beat up and tortured myself. I wouldn’t have known how to stop it and therefore wouldn’t have stayed on Earth for much longer. The clarity disappeared because I wanted to stay, so I had to spend a few more years finding out how to use my energy in a way that lets me fully enjoy my life.
Now my Realization is coming back to stay, because now I’m ready. I can finally allow all the love for myself that’s within me, so my energy can’t help but serve me with the most loving and fulfilling experiences.
Shaumbra, please do love yourself. There is no one in the whole universe who doesn’t – because there is no one here but you.
Mareike Schauf lives and works in Worpswede in Northern Germany as a life coach/counselor. Physical pain over many years has repeatedly forced her into a complete inner retreat, from which she awakened each time with a new awareness of herself. You can visit her website here www.mein-lebens-ziel.de and contact her via email.