Not long ago I was facing a complex situation, trying to sort out all the what’s and why’s and if’s and when’s. Talking it over with a friend, going over all the issues and problems and things I didn’t want to repeat (and maybe getting a bit mental about it all), my friend stopped me and asked, “What do you want?” At that, I had to pause… go outside, sit under a tree, and start getting clear with myself. What do I want, for me, in this particular scenario? For that matter, what do I want in any part of my life? Oh, and why is it so dang hard to answer that question?
It was very easy to quickly list all the things I DON'T want ever again, but coming back to “So, what DO you want?” caused a very different reaction. “Hold on now, this is important; I better think about it for a while,” my mind said, stalling. “Oops, it’s time to fix dinner, I’ll do this before bed.” Then at bedtime, “Wait, I want to listen to that Keahak channel I missed, this can wait till morning.” And in the morning, “Ugh, time to get up. Better make that list after breakfast.”
The simple task, the privilege, actually, of coming up with what I – God also, divine human, creator extraordinaire – want was beginning to feel like a chore! (And of course that observation came right along with the default question “What the heck is wrong with me??”) So, I got out my notebook, stayed in bed a little longer, and started the list of what I really, truly want. My mind wandered, memories surfaced of what I don’t want, but eventually I came up with a pretty good lineup. It’s probably not complete, but I’m happy with it for now; and it’s something I can offer to my creator Self, safe in the knowledge that she’ll take it from here. “Now why was that so hard??” I wondered, for I know I’m not the only one. What’s so difficult about clarifying what we want? Well, I have a few theories…
For one thing, we’ve been on Earth a long time and know all too well what it’s like to have our hopes and dreams dashed to pieces on the shores of “reality.” We know how it feels to want something so much, only to have it denied – by parents, friends, lovers, government, God or just fate. (‘God’ is the one that bugs me… who decided that some invisible, untouchable, unfathomable being knows what’s best for me?)
Another reason it might be hard to define what we want is that, as we open up to new potentials – or even just think about them – we might see so many that it’s hard to choose. Along with that is the belief that if we make a choice for This, it means That will no longer be available. So, if we don’t make a choice, anything will remain possible, right? Perhaps, but nothing will change either, and we’ll still be waiting. And waiting. In this linear reality, we often think opting for “A” means excluding “B.” But what if we have access to the whole alphabet? If nothing will be lost, what do we want to experience now? Yet, even then, a choice requires action and maybe we just don’t want to do anything.
Which brings me to another reason: Figuring out what I don’t want can feel energizing in a way. It’s saying “No! I don’t want that in my life,” which can feel empowering or even safe. It puts up a barrier, a sort of force field we hope will keep away something unwanted, and in that sense it feels “effective.” But unfortunately, the “No” is still tuned to the frequency of “that thing” we don’t want, which just brings it closer. Being linear humans, we usually forget how it works, and play the power game of pushing against what we don’t want, hoping to keep it away long enough for what we do want to come in, which is…? Oops, too busy holding up the wall, I’ll get back to that.
There’s also an interesting dynamic of defining what I do want. You see, we’re always using energy, whether consciously or not (usually the latter). We light up a potential through our attention – our creative perception – and pull it into our reality. I call it the Gravity of Desire, and it matters not whether the desire is for or against. Our attention and desire create a gravity (thank you Adamus for that word) that draws the object or topic of our scrutiny into our reality. Pushing something away is still giving it attention, but with the added twist of power or force, which creates a distorted sort of gravity that brings just what we didn’t want. But desire – pure, un-agenda’d, unbiased joyful “This is what I want!” desire – creates a clear, undistorted gravity that will draw in the most resonant potentials.
All this is nothing new, of course. You’ve heard it many times, the “Law of Attraction” and all that. We’ve all “tried” it – focus on what we want, give it lots of attention, wonder where the hell it is and then give up in despair because nothing happens – but maybe there’s something else going on.
By now you’ve probably heard at least some of what Adamus has said about living within the one human sense of Focus. (Our typically understood “human senses” are tools that we use within the one sense of Focus.) I had the privilege of putting together the opening video sequence for Master’s Life 4 – Sensuality, and doing so actually helped me understand something about Focus. Most of the video clips we used are slow-motion portrayals of everyday activities like standing in the rain or walking through a field. But with everything slowed down, it’s so much easier to focus and take in every little detail of the experience. Well, that’s why we created Earth! To slow everything down so we could absorb all the little details and understand how creation works.
The “problem” with this slo-mo existence is that it can take a while to see the effect of our choices. If you watch a drop of water in slow motion, it falls slowly down, hits the water and is followed by a corona of little droplets and up-splash. In “real time” it happens almost instantly, but with everything slowed down you can see all the little details. When I make a choice – a list of what I want, for instance – that’s like releasing the drop of water into creation. The splash is inevitable (and almost instantaneous in ‘reality’), but to my human self it may seem to take ages. That’s where trust comes in, because doubt is like a side-wind that blows everything off course. (For some amazing footage, just go to YouTube and search on “slow motion videos.”)
Therefore, another reason we find it hard to clearly state what we want is because it doesn’t happen instantly, so we give up before we even get started. But what if we remember it is inevitable? The drop will hit the water, no matter how slow we’re perceiving its fall, and its clarity depends on whether we’re allowing or trying to control the process. The result can be a beautiful splash of everything that brings us joy, automatically generated in perfect order by our choice; or a storm of chaos because we kept pushing at it, using force and power trying to make it happen (and happen “correctly,” too).
I can assure you that my best, most magical creations have unfolded when I realized and acknowledged what I wanted, clearly and simply, and then hardly gave it another thought. My desire set the drop in motion, and the splash into my reality was inevitable.
That being said, I’ve decided to go out on a limb here and share a new creation in real time. As I’ve mentioned before, my home is an amazing manifestation that began with a choice made during the DreamWalker Ascension School in 2007. At the time, I had zero idea of how it could possibly happen (which was a good thing, because I more or less forgot about it) and, while it took a couple years to drop into my reality, indeed it did with a delightful splash! And now, I’m ready for the next phase – a new kitchen. I don’t know yet how my new kitchen will come to pass, where the financing will come from or any of the other details. But I do know what I want, and every time I fuss with a tired old feature of my current kitchen, I only smile because I know the new one is already “dripping in.” It might be in what seems like slow motion, but my choice is so clear – without doubt, without “Why isn’t it here yet?” or “I don’t know how to create it” – that I know it will happen. And I’ll be sure to let you know when and how it does!
What do you want? I’ve asked that question to a lot of different people (including myself) and, almost without exception, the answer is usually long, rambling, complicated and focused on what is not wanted. There’s nothing wrong with figuring out what you don’t want. In fact, I think that’s an important step in the process. But then let that go and give your attention to whatever brings you joy! Remember not to make your joy dependent on timing though, because Time is an aspect of Focus and you’ll just get more tangled up in it. Instead, pull back, watch the slow-motion play unfolding, and know it’s already dropping in, in the most perfect and beautiful way. I think it doesn’t even matter how detailed your desires are, as long as you’re not attached to the details (and don’t attach anyone else to them either). And remember, you can always, always choose again.
Now go start that list!