The last several months have been jam-packed with Crimson Circle events here in Colorado, and it has been my privilege to be a part of them. What amazing information and energies we are all bringing forth! I’m sure this planet will never be the same. As a matter of fact, I will never be the same.
One of the events was the Aspectology update with Adamus, where he added his insights and wisdom to the original messages recorded by Tobias in 2008. Even though this is one of my favorite Crimson Circle Schools of all time (I even became a teacher), going through it again with Adamus had a huge and unexpected impact.
Many years ago Tobias shared a profound bit of wisdom: “All energy seeks resolution.” There are so many layers in that simple phrase that ten years ago I was inspired to write a book about it (which might actually get finished one day), and it is this core truth that the Aspectology School is based on. In the simplest terms, your soul, your I Am self, sent out innumerable expressions of itself to gain experience, wisdom and understanding about who you are. Tobias calls those expressions ‘aspects’ and explains how it is the natural way of a creator being. However, sometimes the expressions get stuck in their experience and become separated from their creator. (By the way, if you ever wonder about a deep longing to go Home, you just might be feeling the desire of an aspect aching for reunion with You.) This stuckness and separation is often caused by trauma. But it can also be the result of things like love, commitment, vows and determination, where we’ve poured our passion and creator energy into something we truly believe in, wanting to set it in place “for all time.”
So it was that during Aspectology I discovered a much loved, well tended and eons old aspect that was apparently ready for integration. Of course, one doesn’t realize what’s going on at first, because aspects generally manifest by way of emotional reactions – feeling hurt, ignored, angry, fearful, etc. – but it didn’t take too long to figure it out. Even though there can be some very difficult moments, conscious integration is some of the most rewarding inner work one can do. And the key for going beyond the difficulty into the reward is the willingness to really let go…
We humans like our stories. We want to understand who, why, how, when, where – and then muck around in it with ourselves and anyone who will listen. But it is precisely those stories that keep the aspects separated and stuck. If you’re ready to integrate something, one of the first things you have to do is stop the story. You can revisit it at any time, but if you’re serious about integration, this is the time to let it be. Forget about figuring out what happened or understanding what triggered you. Instead, breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. It doesn’t need to be fixed, processed, examined or changed, only felt and accepted. The natural physics that Tobias talked about, the fact that energy seeks resolution takes care of the rest. It’s exactly like another law of physics, that water seeks it’s own level. If your bucket of water is sloshing around and making a mess, there’s nothing to do except let it be. You don’t have to work to make it level; it just happens naturally when you allow it, and it’s the same with aspects. If you try to work on yourself or your reaction, emotion, etc., that validates its separateness and keeps it stuck. But if you just let it be – in total acceptance, in sovereign stillness – it will find the way home.
In my experience, that is the basic “procedure” of integrating aspects, usually the traumatized ones that feel hurt, angry, frightened, etc. But what about the ones you really like? How do you let go of aspects that were created in the greatest love? That became my question when Adamus made a passing comment that triggered an avalanche of emotion. As a matter of fact, the emotion was my clue that this was an aspect, because emotion comes from the mind and its stories, while feeling is simply a sensory experience that needs no explanation or attachment.
So there I was, sinking under wave after wave of emotion, with story after story floating through, demanding acknowledgment. With just a few little words Adamus had managed to unearth an aspect that was older than I can remember. In hindsight, it was obvious that several things had happened to set me up for this moment, but nothing had prepared me for its enormity. Clumsily defined, it was the aspect I created when I left my spiritual family to come to Earth. It held the passion and determination to dive deep, to figure it all out and to see it through no matter what. This aspect helped me create deep and precious connections with other people, and guided my path, lifetime after lifetime. It carried the love and the pain, the friends and the enemies, the passion and disappointment of so many experiences. It was the foundation upon which I had built myself.
I had always assumed this knowing of myself was simply “who I am.” But in that moment of clarity, I saw it for the aspect that it was. “Who I am” isn’t defined by my love and passion and ancient dreams. It simply is. Any further definition is an aspect.
This “galaxy aspect” (as I came to call it because of how many others it encompassed and swept along) had been created and maintained in the greatest love, commitment and passion. It generated everything from my reason to get up in the morning to my reason for coming back for yet another lifetime. It kept me going when all seemed lost. It made me speak out even when it would cost my life. It reconnected me again and again in loving collaboration with other human angels. It guided me when I wasn’t sure what choice to make. It was my compass when I felt lost and adrift. It’s how I knew myself! This expression of my Self contained countless stories of Earth and beyond, and I loved it. How could I possibly let it go?
But I’ve come too far to be derailed by one of my creations, no matter how enormous and wonderful, and this integration would be allowed as well. It took every ounce of balance and stamina I could muster as the aspect tested my resolve with endless doubts and questions. Without this to guide me, how will I know if I’m on the right path? How will I know what to do with myself? Who will be left in my life when I let them all go? What if nothing remains? The questions raged on and on, until at last I allowed my Self to take charge. Then I remembered… even if I get everything wrong … even if I lose everyone … even if love itself is gone … even if I fall into absolute nothingness … I still exist.
That was the turning point; the moment I knew all would be well. As grand as it was, this aspect was not bigger than Me. It was only an expression, a game I’d been playing, an adventure I had given myself. I still exist, even when this aspect that defined and motivated me since forever becomes a distant memory. No matter how hard it was to let go, nothing has been lost because I still exist. It may have been the longest, craziest movie I’ve ever written, created, starred in and watched, but I just remembered the theatre exit. When the curtains fall and it’s all over, I still exist.
In the last few weeks there have been a lot of changes. For one thing, an unexpected side effect of integration is feeling more ‘space’ inside where there used to be a lot of noise. And that can be disconcerting at first. Another thing is that other people might react in unexpected ways. A relative I hadn’t heard from in more than 15 years contacted me last week, as if he subconsciously felt a disturbance in the (ancestral) force. (By the way, Ancestral Freedom, the newest Cloud Class, played a crucial part in this as well, but more about that next month…) People close to me have suddenly changed the very nature of our connection and relationships. Things that used to seem very important suddenly don’t matter anymore. My tolerance for crap is at an all-time low. I’m no longer trying to accomplish ‘something important.’ All sorts of things just feel … different.
The changes continue to unfold and there will be more to share, but the point is, I am not who I always thought I was. It was a fabulous, grand and much-loved creation, but it was only a role I was playing. (Geez, talk about typecasting myself!) I invite you to consider going beyond your own ideas of who you think you are – even things like ‘good person,’ ‘pioneer,’ ‘rebel,’ ‘Shaumbra’ – because no matter how familiar, well cultivated and loved, they are not You. They are just expressions, roles you are temporarily playing. Believe me, I know what a big deal it is to let some of them go, but in the end it doesn’t matter. YOU still exist.