Clear communication seems pretty darn important these days, seeing how it (as energy) makes up everything in our reality AND is a critical piece of peace, since conflict cannot be resolved without communication. I’ve been exploring this and would like to share a couple things.
It’s been my observation that most humans don’t tend to listen very well. We spend a lot of time composing a reply in our head, looking for a chance to express it, or just interrupting with whatever pops out (I’m far too guilty of this myself). But here’s what the United States Institute of Peace (usip.org) has to say about communication: “Effective communication consists of both speaking and listening. Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.”
I have a hunch that active listening is a huge part of understanding how energy/communication serves us.
Whenever Adamus talks about this stuff, I immediately start trying to figure out how to get the energy to cooperate with me (often forgetting that it has already been serving me with 100% accuracy). The world is filled with schemes and strategies for bending life to our desires, and that’s often the first response to what Adamus shares: I get busy telling the energy what it should be doing but not so much listening to what’s really going on.
Another thing I’ve noticed is how habitual it is to see things a certain way, so much that when a new perspective is available, it’s easy to miss. In other words, “What’s wrong with me now?” is the default filter through which I usually hear myself, even though there are many other perspectives I could be listening to!
As I write this, I’m enjoying the soft tropical breezes of Hawaii. Working from Kona for several weeks has reinforced the certainty that I have the best job in the world. And still, it’s remarkable what a hard time my dear human has with receiving such grace. Apparently suffering is so familiar that too much of a good thing still triggers the faint gnaw of guilt.
“Shouldn’t I be working extra hard to deserve this?” (So, even with all these productions, you’re volunteering for nights too?)
“Shouldn’t I have some aches and pains and scars to prove I’ve earned this privilege?” (Fine, here’s a tumble on the rocks. Feel more worthy now?)
“Should I really be this happy?” (Yeah, take it down a few notches before you break something. Happy now?)
“You are not on vacation, stop playing so much!” (Wait, that sounds like a voice from my past. Ha, caught you!)
So yeah, I hear what those obnoxious, snarky little voices have to say, but when I remember to listen to what’s actually true, life opens in wonder. Something curious to note is that the snark comes in words, but the wisdom comes in sensory feelings. So, if the words are still spinning, I remind myself to listen deeper. What is my body feeling? What tingles when the birds sing? How is the breeze touching me? Is there something in my being that feels like gentle expansion instead of busy churning? Because that’s where I’ll find the treasure.
Recently I went through a period of darkness. It was relatively short, but very dark and exceedingly painful. I hid it well, so no one knew of the nasty voices and icy fingers trying to claw me down. Mostly, my life has (finally) become a stream of ease and grace, a flow not based on outside circumstances but on my inner connection with Self (which then has a funny way of smoothing my outer world). Even with the global chaos affecting friends and family, personal equilibrium has remained fairly steady, so it was a surprise when my inner world plunged into jagged darkness. Like demons whispering awful nothings in my mind, nagging voices taunted every good thing I’d been feeling. It was getting hard to cope, and even the reminder that “This is not mine” wasn’t helping.
At the same time, something else was going on, a disconnect between my inner feelings and outer expressions. The old habit of hiding my light demanded obeisance – “hold back, close down, paste on a smile, don’t rock the boat” – and I was following these stupid inner rules flawlessly. It seemed to be the way to stay “safe,” but really it just meant the pain was entirely self-inflicted. Then I listened deeper.
Something inside wanted to be allowed, felt, expressed, and heard – at least by me. And so, terror be damned, I let out a whisper of this hidden self. My worst fears of being rejected, mocked, shamed didn’t come true. Instead I felt received, understood and most of all accepted – especially by my Self. With every step into the light of my own acceptance, the inner darkness lifted.
Because I truly listened to everything inside, instead of sorting myself and my world into “right” and “wrong,” my light could shine again, soothing away the darkness and pain. Funny enough, that was right around the time Adamus recorded I Am Light, my favorite Master’s Pause ever.
So much pain that one endures in their life, physical or emotional, comes when you hold back the light, when you’re suppressing it, turning your back. It’s a built-in mechanism to say, “No, open up.”
It would seem counterintuitive to most people, saying, “No, I need to close down more so it doesn’t hurt as much. I need to restrict the flow of light and energy.” But the fact is, no, it’s about opening up.
All that pain – emotional, physical – is because you’re holding back, and that’s not natural. It’s going to be painful if you suppress. It’ll show up in your body, even in your thoughts.
It’s truly about opening to the light.
~ Excerpt from “I Am Light”
Apparently, it didn’t matter whether the stuff inside was “good” or “bad,” appropriate or not. It was my own felt experience, and therefore worthy of my light and my expression. When I stopped holding back, everything began flowing again.
Another “listening” experience happened not long ago. As I’m sure you feel, energies like chaos at warp speed right now; it’s a lot to take in and still keep balance. During a conversation, I noticed myself feeling physically shaky and unstable. “Geez, what’s wrong with me now?” I wondered. My Self quickly countered with, “Um, do you really want that question answered – again?” Oops… after decades of self-care and inner work, that “fix me” lens had become my default self-perception. Okay, rephrase the question.
“So, what’s going on? Why do I feel so unsteady?” I closed my eyes, breathed, listened, and the answer gently arose. “Nothing is actually wrong.” In fact, I was in such a good place, enjoying life so much that a little part inside wanted me to hold back, fearful of getting toppled off center by too much fun.
Well, I had to laugh (and cry a little too). As Adamus says in I Am Light, after so many lifetimes of pain, rejection and suffering we’ve “dialed down” our light to almost nothing. Like keeping the aperture of a camera so tightly closed it hardly lets in any light, we keep closing tighter and tighter, thinking it’ll keep us safer. But then, instead of finding clarity, our experiences become a confusing and distorted blur! I suppose at first it might be painful to the inner cave-dwellers, but it reveals so much precious wisdom that I can’t think of single damn reason to hold it back any longer.
Listen – especially to your Self. Let go the stories, the excuses, and whatever else the mind comes up with to explain your feelings, and just feel them.
Listen deeper. Give voice to whatever needs to be heard, whether to another person, your journal, out in the forest. Love yourself enough to bring it into the light of your acceptance.
No more hiding, no more silencing. Listen to every bit of your energy; hear its song of gratitude.