It has been said many times that we are here to shine our light and illuminate potentials for others. It’s a noble ideal, but lately I’ve also heard from quite a few Shaumbra who aren’t interested anymore in ‘helping the world’ or ‘being in service.’ I get it. We’ve been there, done that – for too many lifetimes – and we’re tired. But, to state the obvious, we don’t actually have to do anything. The illumination is a byproduct of what we’ve already done.
When I was a kid, my family sang songs and retold Jesus’ parables about being a light in the world. I loved the idea, the thought of being a candle in a dark place felt beautiful. But it seemed like the “light” we were sharing looked a lot more like restrictions, rules, and pity for those who didn’t believe the same and would therefore be lost forever. Still, I’ve always somehow known that I’m here to be a light.
Well, mostly always. There are still moments when I feel more like a beacon of darkness and despair! When life is confusing, when my body doesn’t feel good, when others misunderstand my intentions, when sticky old patterns pop up, I’d much rather hide in my room. Or under a rock. But I’ve realized that those human challenges and wobbles are the very things that make my light special, unique and even helpful. Yours too.
When you look back on your journey of this lifetime, what do you see? In my life, I see a LOT of struggle and a reasonable amount of triumph. I see longstanding patterns of awkwardness and confusion, but also determination master up and be more graceful, inside and out. I see an abundance of poverty, built up over eons, and I also see persistent and successful efforts to shed the old baggage and fly. I see a heart whose dreams of “happily ever after” got dashed multiple times, but I see that heart is still open and trusting. Most important, I see how all those imperfections and scars now make my light particularly rich and bright. Yours too!
I see people who struggle with fear, fragile nervous systems, and feelings of hopelessness for life ever getting better, but they keep going. I see people who hit bottom and still get back up. I see Shaumbra who are exhausted and just want to go home, yet they still courageously greet each new day. I see people mourning incomprehensible loss, but still they take a breath and start again. I see people who have lived at the mercy of troublemaker aspects for years finally start taking back their sovereignty, even when it’s difficult. I see the challenges so many of us have faced, and I see how they have softened our hearts, deepened our wisdom and turned up our light.
In other words, I see the perfection of the path each of us have chosen, no matter how tough it’s been. And the irony is, we’ve done it all before! We’ve already mastered poverty, doubt, shame, confusion and all our other issues, which is why we could have allowed Realization in a recent lifetime. So why are we here now, still plowing through some final hurdles on the journey back to Self? Wouldn’t it have been easier to just be in our enlightenment, and influence the world from our mansions in the Ascended Masters Club?
Of course, it would have been easier! But also, a lot less effective. So, being compassionate (perhaps crazy) pioneers, we re-enlisted for one more tour of duty. I see it as if the Purple Hearts and Medals of Valor were already there, waiting to be pinned on, but each of us said, “Not quite yet. Let’s show them how it’s done en masse, then I’ll retire.” We lined up for one final stint, took on the issue assignments most familiar (i.e. most likely to be overcome), dived back in, promptly forgot, and started wondering why life is still so hard.
Take a look at your biggest challenges, whether you’ve conquered them or not. Pick one and look at all the patterns and struggles you’ve faced with it. Then take a deep breath and remember: It’s not a mistake, it’s your specialty. You got this!
I recently had the privilege of assisting with several productions with Adamus, Geoff and Linda in Kona, Hawaii. Not a bad place to be working “on location!” What could possibly go wrong? Well, have you noticed that when life is in some kind of equilibrium, Self often decides it’s the perfect time to bring up the next internal “project”? For me, this time, it had to do with clarity and communication. Coordinating an ever-changing flow of tasks, meals and events with up to a dozen people in an unfamiliar place is a puzzle in itself. But put that together with my “live and let live and hope it all works out” aspect, and it’s a recipe for disasters like people accidentally being left out, communication snafus, general chaos and even hurt feelings. Oops! My Self took the opportunity to make me acutely aware of this weak spot and point out how much better everything goes when I choose clarity. As someone who’s always tended toward “Smile and nod and think my own thoughts,” it was an awkward time of growth and integration.
It’s important to add here that this growth comes a lot quicker when I remind myself that it is my energy serving me, no matter whose face it’s wearing. In this case, it was my energy lighting up the “Be clear, fer chrissakes!” beacon for anybody else who might need a reminder. (The good news is that everything worked out, friendships were deepened, and aspects were discovered and integrated.)
Here’s another of my colors. For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived with a constant low-grade sense of shame and guilt. I could blame it on being born into a guilt-ridden belief system, but it’s much older than this lifetime. In 2006 I led a small retreat in Ireland, and after the event was over, our host took us around to see the sights. One of the places we went was the Cliffs of Moher, something I’d always wanted to see. We got out of the car and headed up the path to the viewpoint, but I noticed my feet beginning to drag, as if the weight of the world was bearing down until I could hardly move. The others went on ahead while I trudged slowly behind, weighed down by… what? I looked down and “saw” myself in a long cream-colored dress with beautiful embroidery and trim, covered by a dark green cloak. Behind me was a large group of people who had put their trust in my leadership – and I was leading them off the cliffs. I knew that the land was being conquered and whatever fate awaited if they were captured would be far worse than a quick death on the rocks below. But I carried the weight of responsibility and guilt about that choice for a very, very long time.
How many times have we, as the leaders, movers and shakers, had great responsibility for things that didn’t turn out very well? From what I can tell, quite a lot. Not long ago, I had a very intense encounter with Atlantean guilt. The vague awareness of things I’d done was once again a crushing weight. But, in that moment of utter darkness, I also became aware of my Soul, of her love and forgiveness, and of the transformation echoing back through countless lifetimes as I finally gave the burden to her.
I have faced guilt and shame in other ways as well, usually manifesting as my energy in the form of other people and their comments. But I’m determined to go beyond, and the clarity comes in sooner and easier each time. Realizing it’s all my energy really helps with things like not rejecting a person for what they’ve said, but rather integrating the part of me that created them into that experience. Sure, it’s a lot easier to blame others for how I feel or what’s happened, especially when it wasn’t “my fault.” But accepting that even the tough “external” stuff is all my own creation means freedom is only a breath away. When I’m no longer bound by someone else’s expectations or tangled up in their choices, it means nothing stands in the way of my wisdom.
Because of these and many other experiences, I know the colors of my light span a huge, brilliant spectrum. Because of the stumbles I’ve taken, I know those colors now illuminate similar situations for others, and maybe they won’t fall as hard. I’m clearly not doing this for them, but I sure don’t mind if they benefit.
I invite you to look at your life and not see stuckness, mistakes or bad luck. Instead, see problems as the assignments you eagerly took on because, in there somewhere, you already know exactly how to solve them. And now, in doing so, you become the magical being of light you’ve always been, wearing the robe of many colors you came here to create.
In March 2009 (here), Tobias said:
You don’t get points on the other side for the total number of experiences that you’ve had, for the difficulty and the challenges of experience. You’re only admired for the depth and for the compassion of the experience with yourself. That’s all that matters. There are beings on the other side … absolutely intrigued by any angel who’s been to Earth. It shows in our colors. It shows in your colors.
They are so in awe of the depth of your soul and the magnificent colors and the songs of your heart. “Where did you get that!?” they say. “Where did you become such a grand and glorious being? How do I become like you?”
And you take a deep breath, “You’ve got to go to Earth for it. But let me caution you here before you go. You may lose your way.”
And they say, “But look at you, you obviously found your way.”
“Yes, but there is the illusion of losing your way that is so real that it is the grandest experience you’ll ever have. The illusion of being lost and of being puny and of being insignificant and of being nothing amongst many – what an experience that is!”