What a month it’s been. Full of more practice than I ever wanted of standing behind the short wall, choosing compassion, and letting go ... letting go ... letting go.
Like most of the world, I woke up the morning after the U.S. elections aghast at the news. I’d chosen not to watch developments live the night before; it was just more drama than I was interested in, and anyway, I’d be depressed no matter the outcome. But, after one more night of blissful ignorance, reality hit, and with it came disgust, disappointment and despair. Hmm, so much for staying behind the short wall! I got caught up in the hysteria right along with the rest of the world, at least for a while.
The interesting thing about this path of Realization is that the more time you spend connected with your Self, the less time you’re able to spend away and out of resonance. So I looked for a way to make peace with what was happening and, as usual, found some very unhappy aspects. There were parts of me that had become quite attached to the idea that the world is changing – for the better! For decades now, I’ve held onto the belief that consciousness is expanding, that people are waking up, that barbaric practices and beliefs have no foothold in the “modern” world. More than anything, I’ve comforted myself with the “fact” that we’re making a difference – a good difference – and then adamantly looked for the evidence. Yes, I’ve been attached to an agenda. I, who have always gallantly embraced every exhortation from Tobias and Adamus, found myself still wanting to save the world. And dammit, the world didn’t seem to want saving just yet!
If people were really waking up, how could they possibly make the choices they were making? If Shaumbra and Light Workers and whoever else have been radiating for years now, how could people not see the folly of the old ways? How could they still so easily demonize their fellow humans? Oh, it’s about much more than the elections. All over the world I see people choosing savagery over kindness, fear over compassion. How can this be?
My lack of compassion, i.e. the reluctance to honor the choices of others, had become glaringly obvious. And, upon taking a look in the proverbial mirror, I found a whole posse of aspects totally up in arms. “Can’t you see it’s happening again?” they screamed. “Remember Atlantis? And all the times since then? You told us it would be different this time!” They were calling bullshit on my well-hidden – but fully justified – agenda. So I took a deep breath, a lot of them actually, and reminded myself that this lifetime actually isn’t about saving the world. Sure, I’d love for everyone to come along in blissful reunion, but just because I’m here for my Realization doesn’t mean everyone else is. I myself had to go through a whole lot of exhilarating crap before I got to this point; how can I begrudge anyone else doing the same? Since it’s clear that a whole lot of humans are still invested in the game of duality, perhaps it’s time for me to let them go have their fun and, more importantly, let go of my own (aspect) beliefs in duality.
It all brought into crisp clarity the fact that this precious Earth is our theatre. It doesn’t need saving any more than a dusty old ghost town movie set needs saving during a gunfight. Earth was constructed for this very reason – to allow beings to play out their issues and puzzles and duality to our heart’s content. And, every now and then when one (or a few) of us gets it figured out, we take a bow, pack up and move on. Even though I’ve had a good run, it doesn’t mean everyone else is ready to stop playing. Yes, I wish a lot of things were different, including the election results, but I’m also grateful for the expanded awareness and for a chance to let go of an agenda I wasn’t even aware of holding onto. Which brings me to the next point – letting go.
It seems that’s been my unplanned theme for the last couple months: letting go. And, funny enough, I seemed to be writing for my own ‘future’ self. Over the past few weeks, a personal situation has developed that involves a very deep and unexpected letting go. The details aren’t important, but the fact is, it’s a goodbye I didn’t expect, a disconnection I thought would be unnecessary. While letting go of abstract ideas like “saving the world” can present some challenges, letting go of one who is near and very dear requires a whole different level of trust.
As you well know, this lifetime is unlike any other. No matter what choices our human self makes, our life is ultimately guided by a beacon so insistent that all other distractions eventually give way to its certitude. It is a beacon of the innate knowingness of what we’re here to do. And, even when the human professes ignorance and confusion, the soul calls us onward, holding the lamp of knowing just close enough to illuminate the next step. It’s a spotlight, that lamp, which is no doubt a blessing. While the human thinks it would much prefer a floodlight that shows the path a mile ahead, the actual reality would no doubt send us gasping into the corner. So, although the next step may be all that’s visible, it is still enough when accompanied by footsteps of trust and a heart of allowing.
Here’s one way to think about it. Imagine a wheel or sphere with spokes radiating out in all directions. But instead of neatly ordered lines, the spokes are winding every which way, twisted and meandering, with countless smaller lines branching out in ever more complex patterns. The radiant center of this sphere is the soul, the I Am, and every meandering branch is an expression of itself. Now, imagine that the human self is a little blip of consciousness navigating along the line currently in focus, trying its best to find the way back home. It may feel lost, but in reality, each blip is both on its way back to the center and already there, just as much as the tip of my finger is far away from my heart, yet is still me.
The guidance of the soul is the absolute knowing that it’s already one, and the ignorance of the blip is the focus on its single little line. The Self collective already holds all the little blips in its eternal embrace of reunion, which means each lifeline, no matter how convoluted or confused, is still governed by the knowing at the center. Therefore, no matter how well (we think) we’ve planned the journey or how closely it shares the lifeline of another, eventually all lifelines lead back to the Self alone. All else eventually fades away, which makes compassion toward the human so essential. For, despite her best intentions, my human self doesn’t like change, especially the change of letting go. So she delays and resists, fighting the inevitable and crying at the pain.
There are other aspects offering up a cacophony of resistance, afraid of being lost and forgotten, of having got it wrong yet again. And still, the infinitely patient soul simply smiles and illuminates the next step, and the next and the next. Once in a while, when the human remembers who’s really in charge, she can take a deep breath and rest in the radiant comfort of knowingness rather than the grief and fear of change. And then she can finally allow – allow the grief, allow the excitement, allow the aspects, allow the human, allow the soul, and allow the change. Then she remembers that the pain is only from holding on so tightly.
What I’m trying to say is that all is truly well, even when we forget; even when we can’t see the ground beneath our feet; even when the path has twists and turns we didn’t expect and don’t feel prepared for; even when the choices of others clash with our own desires; even when the world seems to have forgotten itself. All is well, no matter what might appear to be otherwise. All is well, because the farther you get away from Self, the sweeter the reunion when you come back. So, when you watch the chaos in the world and wonder how people can be that way, imagine instead the glorious homecoming that each soul is preparing.
And, in the inevitable moments of forgetting, when the human just can’t stand another ache, I’ve found a few things that help:
Look for the life – Notice the ways and the places that life is abounding, for it always is.
Enjoy the little things – There’s always something to take pleasure in – the colors of the grass, a warm piece of toast, a moment of sunshine, your favorite song, a beautiful face. Enjoy life, wherever you find it.
Experience the experience – Whatever you’re feeling, really feel it – down to your toes, into your bones – for this is the passion of the soul.
Love letters – When you’re having a good day, write a note to yourself to read on a bad day, a reminder that all is well. You’ll be glad you did.
Spoon with the Master – Don’t you just love cuddling, whether with a loved one, a child or a pet? So snuggle up with your Master self. Imagine her arms around you, her breath on your neck, her heartbeat against yours. And then feel your arms around the human, loving her so very, very much.
And remember, if you feel fear or dread or pain or heartache, it’s not the real you. It’s one of those precious little blips, stumbling along a lifeline, thinking it has to find its way back home. Allow that part of you to exist, and take a deep breath and hold up the radiant beacon of knowingness.
You’ll find your way back to you. It is inevitable. You’re already here.