I’ve never felt closer to Realization, and never felt so far away. This is my paradox at the end of the journey that has taken me from awakening into mastery, and ultimately back to my Free Self.
I’ve come to realize that paradoxes are a way of life right now. A paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory proposition that, when investigated or explained, may prove to be well founded or true. It’s is a statement that contradicts itself or a situation which seems to defy logic.
A quick Google search gave me this example of a paradox:
Bob discovered that stepping back from his job has increased the rewards he gleans from it.
The classic liar’s paradox goes like this:
A Cretan sails to Greece and says to some Greek men who are standing upon the shore: “All Cretans are liars.” Did he speak the truth, or did he lie? If someone says “I always lie,” are they telling the truth? Or are they lying?
I love this paradox:
The following is written on a card:
Back side: The sentence on the other side of this card is true.
Face side: The sentence on the other side of this card is false.
Dang! I’d be turning that card over and over for hours if I didn’t know it was just a paradoxical game. I get dull headaches at moments like this.
And a few more paradoxical statements:
Nobody goes to that restaurant; it’s too crowded.
Don’t go near the water ‘til you have learned how to swim.
The man who wrote such a stupid sentence cannot write at all.
I’m living in a kaleidoscope of paradoxes right now. Everything feels like it’s tumbling around inside my reality tunnel, which I know isn’t real at all. I have an overwhelming sense of fulfillment, yet I’ve never felt so empty. Coming to Realization involves emptying and releasing everything I thought I was in order to be all that I Am. I feel terribly empty because I have released my many limitations and my old sense of identity, yet as I empty myself I come to sense I am not empty at all. I become aware of my awareness, and along with it an undefinable sense of fulfillment.
Absolutely nothing makes sense these days, yet I have incredible clarity. What a paradox! When my mind is churning away trying to figure everything out, whether it’s in my inner or outer worlds, absolutely nothing makes sense. My mind feels like an archaic factory, dirty and old, belching smoke into the air and toxins into the water. Yet when I stop trying to figure everything out and just allow, I’m amazed at how clear and simple everything is. At times like this I can actually see the energies, and how perfectly they are working.
Nothing seems real, but I feel stuck in my reality. At this tipping point of coming to Realization, my entire world feels surreal if not vague, yet I feel stuck inside it. I have never felt so ungrounded and disconnected, yet I have an overwhelming sense of being stuck. I think this happens because the closer I get to personal freedom the more I am aware of things I am still a slave to.
I love to loath myself. Ha! For some reason I still find value in beating myself up, most notably for the small stuff rather than the big stuff. I really love that I can be hyper-critical of myself. I used to take it seriously, but now I realize it’s just a game.
All of this reminds me of one of Adamus’ classic lines that causes Shaumbra to cringe and groan: If there’s something in your life you don’t like, it’s because you’re still enjoying it. Argghhh! Nobody likes to hear it but I think we all know what he means. For example, there are still Shaumbra with abundance issues. They could change it any time simply by allowing energy to serve them, but there is still a seductive sense of martyrdom and/or victim-consciousness that comes with lack of abundance. They’re still happy blaming their parents, society, governments, big business or whoever instead of taking Personal Energy Responsibility.
One of the biggest paradoxes of all goes something like this: My search ended when I realized I was Realized the entire time. There was nothing to search for because it was here all of the time. I only needed to Allow. We get caught up in the search, and even addicted to the search. We become obsessed with finding the answer outside of ourselves, including our so-called Higher Self. The search can become addictive and can extend lifetime after lifetime until we finally come to terms with the fact that it was within the whole time.
According to Adamus, the energy is all mine yet the paradox is that I don’t have any energy. My body is tired and my brain is fried. I take naps in the afternoon, something I never used to do before all of this enlightenment stuff came along. When I feel so tired, I realize it’s because my body is going through a massive process of integrating with my Free Energy Body (light body) and I’m going beyond the limitations of my brain and mind, into my gnost. So it’s not surprising that I’m tired, even if the energy is all mine.
One of my favorite paradoxes comes from Albert Einstein: Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. I’m going to put my full effort into making it less persistent because I Am a paradox.
As I come to the realization that I am already Realized, life becomes a series of paradoxes. I think it’s part of the “And” proposition Adamus talks about. We’re not just one thing, we’re many things. The paradoxes can be unsettling but they also give me comfort to know that I’m exactly where I should be. I’d be worried if my life was exactly as my human Self wanted it to be. My human Self would have me at 33 years of age, emanating a distinctive golden glow, levitating in the air on a magic carpet while puppy dogs played on the floor below me, and soothing music creating a rainbow of colors in the background. Realization isn’t about what you think you want, it’s about what you deserve.