Sometimes, walking this path of being
human is just about the loneliest thing an angel will
ever do. Part of why we love Tobias so much is that
he helps us remember, in a very personal way, the
love of the angels we left behind.
A lot of humans, maybe most of them,
feel damned here on Earth. Like they’ve been
born into a life they didn’t ask for, struggling
through a mess they didn’t create, fighting
a fate that seems mostly against them, trapped in
an existence they don’t know how to get out
of, and fearful of the punishment that awaits them
because they probably got it all wrong anyway. Most
of us know all too well
how that feels.
In
the last Shoud Tobias said something that took some
Shaumbra by surprise: “How often have we seen
and felt on our side where there is a disassociation
between the soul and the human, where sometimes the
soul actually resents or rejects that human expression
of itself, turns its back on it – indeed, yes,
souls can do that, turn its back on that human expression
– and how does that human on Earth feel? Unworthy,
unloved, unneeded.”
When
we heard those words, for some of us it triggered
those old feelings. “How could my Soul reject
me?” That’s like telling someone God has
rejected them and the angels have turned away. It’s
like telling a child their parents have disappeared.
Or is it? What does it really mean to have our Soul
turn its back on us? What is our Soul, anyway?
For many of us, “God” has been replaced
by “our Soul.” We no longer believe in
some old man up on a throne somewhere, pulling the
strings of our lives, teaching us lessons, and waiting
patiently for us to “get it” so we can
join him in some kind of eternal bliss. But how many
of us do think of our Soul like that? As if it is
some wise and amazing being, lovingly watching us
from the other side as we stumble through our human
lessons, and waiting patiently for us to invite it
into our life? The result is the same. We still see
ourselves as incomplete, less than something else,
still in need of something and, more than anything,
someone or something outside is “calling the
shots.” We think, “If my Soul rejects
me, what chance do I possibly have?” And we
feel unworthy, unloved and unneeded. But perhaps it
doesn’t work like that.
In
a sense we are each our own “family” or
tribe, beginning with that Souled spark of Life at
the Wall of Fire. My Soul is the beginning of me,
and with every birth of myself into a human lifetime,
my Soul tribe gains another member. And, beyond that,
with every experience and every part that I create
within each lifetime, the tribe gains another member.
The
tribe IS the Soul, and it is constantly growing, expanding
and learning. Some members of the tribe have done
dreadful things and have gone into hiding; some have
gotten so lost they’re still searching for home;
some are frozen in time, stunned by some trauma they
have yet to recover from and unaware of the family
that surrounds them; some might even still be on a
rampage somewhere, causing chaos now and then.
But
the unique thing about this tribe is that I
am its leader. There is no member who is wiser than
me, who has more authority than me, or who can lead
the tribe to freedom – except me.
Has
my tribe, my Soul, turned its back on me? Sometimes,
yes. Sometimes it is so taken up by all the stories
and dramas and issues that need sorted out, that it
doesn’t notice as I’ve gone on ahead,
finding MY own way. And yet, because I am the leader,
I am the one who can call it back to me. I am the
one who can open my arms to EVERY member of my tribe,
and sometimes even wait patiently as the tribe decides
to let me back in.
Of course,
I AM my tribe. We can never be permanently separated.
But it is me, here and now, integrating my human and
divine, that makes the choice to come home –
and brings home with me as I do.
Will
I hold a grudge against my Soul tribe for forgetting
about me, or will I gently welcome each member, listen
to their story, and embrace them once again?
Will I imagine my Soul is grander than me, or will
I get over being a victim to myself and be
the leader of me instead?
Will I
get lost in my tribe like some of the other members
have done, or will I finally understand who I really
am to MYSELF and invite this old Soul back to Oneness?
The
choice is mine. And, like a country sits up and takes
notice when a true leader appears, the choices that
I make reverberate through every member of
my tribe.
The call
to come home is a call that goes both ways, like an
echo in the mountains. Will I be the one who shouts
across the eons to my Self? Or, like all those other
members of my tribe who are still waiting to be saved,
will I wait for my Soul to call to me? It might…
but I’ve been waiting a long time.
With every
conscious breath that calls me home, I take another
step back into my Self.
January
2009
Newsletter