The Discovery Series
SHOUD 11: “Discovery 11” – Featuring Adamus Saint-Germain, channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe
Presented to the Crimson Circle
July 5, 2014

IMPORTANT NOTE: This information is probably not for you unless you take full responsibility for your life and creations.

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I Am that I Am, the passionate Adamus of Sovereign Domain.
Welcome. Welcome, dear friends. Welcome to Shaumbra Island where you can relax into your enlightenment.
Someday you’re going to talk to me. You’re going to say, “Adamus why didn’t you just tell me back when, back right after Tobias left, why didn’t you just tell me I could relax into my enlightenment? Why did you let me go through all of this hell, all of this hell?” I’m going to say, “My dear friend, I told you time and time again, relax into the enlightenment.”
It’s natural. It’s actually … well, easy is not the right word. It’s natural. (Adamus chuckles) It will happen. It’s happening right now as we speak. You relax into the enlightenment.
Now, today I’m going to talk about some things that may seem to be a contradiction, but they’re not. It’s all very congruent.
So take a deep breath and just relax into the enlightenment. Ah.
Allowing the Light Body
Last month we talked about the light body. It’s an essential part for any Master to have that body in which to experience this great thing called embodied mastery. Have you noticed in this past month or so, or weeks, I guess it has been, have you noticed that you just feel like you need an extra shower? You feel a little dirtier than normal? You just feel that even if you put on brand new clothes, you just don’t feel clean, hm? Yeah.
Try going shopping for new clothes, as dear Linda does all the time, and you’re standing there in that dressing room experience. I’m with you in a way. I’m not peeking, but I’m with you. (laughter) And you’re shedding your regular clothes that you wore to the store, and you’re trying on those new clothes, but you just don’t feel right. They feel too clean and you just don’t feel clean enough. Well, it’s just part of the light body integration, because your old physical body is releasing tremendous amounts of Old Energy right now. It’s coming out through your pores, your skin, through every part of you. If you notice maybe your hair feels a little different or your eyesight or anything, these are just some of the points of transitioning into the light body.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s not. It’s just releasing lifetimes of old, Old Energy that you’re ready to release. You’re ready to let go of.
So take that extra shower, if you will, but just more than anything, take a deep breath and allow your light body.
And yes, we’re going to be talking be talking about … Sandra? Are you asleep? Have you forgotten Adamus? Coffee? With cream? (a few chuckles) I know you’re so enthralled by our discussion, but …
Memoirs of a Master
So, my dear friends, I’m writing a few new books right now, and the one that I’m most excited about, because it’s loosely based on your experiences – my experiences with you – it’s called Memoirs of a Master. Yeah, interesting. It’ll be an easy ready for many people. It’s not going to be a particularly long book, but it’s going to be filled with interesting and very profound stories about our engagements.
So let me tell you one of the stories today. I’ll do this occasionally at our Shouds and in our gatherings. So if I could get audience lights down for just a little bit of mood setting here. Ah yes. Much better.
So Memoirs of the Master, stories about the Master and the student.
So the new student who had only been in the Mystery School for a few months finally had the appointment to come before the Master. The new student had heard stories about what it was like to go before the Master, filled with anxiety, but also excitement, knowing that when the appointment with the Master came, that it meant that the student had reached a certain level or degree of enlightenment, success you might call it.
So the new student by the name of Henry – Henry Smith – it was his day; a young man, very into spirituality and enlightenment, but in a way very innocent, very naïve. So it came time for Henry to approach the Master – the Master, of course, sitting in his chair with his cup of coffee. (laughter as Adamus makes a face because his coffee isn’t there yet)
And Henry approached the Master, a bit nervous, of course, but more than anything excited, because, well, this would be like getting a report card from when you were in school. Getting an assessment, having your review with the Master. (Linda brings his coffee but pauses off the stage)
Approach. (Linda brings the coffee and bows down at his feet; much audience laughter and some applause; he takes a sip) Adequate. Adequate.
So … (chuckling) Henry approached the Master who was now drinking his coffee in the chair, and Henry said to the Master, “Master, how am I doing? It’s been a few months and I’ve been working so hard and trying, being so diligent with everything here at this Mystery School. Master, how am I doing?”
And the Master sat back in his masterly way, eyes closed, and said, “Student” – for the Master never addresses the student by their real name – “Student, it is not for me to measure or judge.”
Of course, Henry was a bit disappointed because he really wanted an evaluation from the Master. So Henry took a deep breath and collected his energy and thought of a new way around this, and said, “Master, Master, would you check with my spirit guides and ask them how I’m doing.”
And the Master took a deep breath and gritted his teeth a bit and said, “Student, you have no spirit guides. (some chuckles) You had spirit guides and they were with you for many, many, many lifetimes. But, Student, they got bored and left.” I thought it was funny. (laughter) My book may not be a best seller. (more chuckles)
Now, Henry was getting very discouraged and very disappointed, but Henry was determined, like all students are. All students so determined but sometimes so naïve, so not getting it. So Henry collected himself once again, took a deep breath and said, “Ah, Master, how do the archangels feel that I’m doing?” (some chuckles)
And the Master sat with his eyes closed for a long time, slightly, slightly just shaking his head, took a deep breath and said, “Student, the archangels are all busy, because there are so many humans now who are channeling archangels. (laughter) Except for Raphael. We don’t understand why nobody wants to channel Raphael.”
LINDA: Awww.
ADAMUS: “But there is no feedback from any of the archangels.”
Now, Henry was very, very disappointed by now, discouraged, distraught. Felt that there was a game going on and he was being played with. But the student was so determined, so stubborn in a way and he took a very deep breath and said to himself, “This is just a game the Master is playing with me. He’s trying to see how determined I am. I’ll go at it one more time again.” And the student said, “Master, how does God feel that I’m doing? Would you please check with God?”
The Master took a deep breath and said, “Just a moment” and went into a trance-like state of being. And after a few minutes he came back and he said, “What was your name?” (some chuckles) And the student said, “It’s Henry. It’s me, Henry.” Master said, “Give me a moment.”
And the Master, acting it out of course, waited for a while and then suddenly came back, opened his eyes, looking directly at the student and saying, “God does not know you exist.” (there’s silence, then Adamus mimes “Funny”; some chuckles)
The student walked out discouraged, distressed and distraught. The next morning packed all of his belongings and left the Mystery School. He now operates an ashram where they work on the voice and connection to Spirit, of course. (a few chuckles)
So after that encounter with the student, the Master was at the Embodied Masters Club that night, when some of the other Masters said, “So, how did it go with Henry the student?” And the Master said, “Not well, at least not for now. Not well at all. The student still does not realize one of the most basic tenets of enlightenment.”
And the other Master says, “Well, how goes that? What do you mean by that?” And the very wise senior Master said to the others, “Because when one does not recognize themselves, Spirit does not recognize them either.”
That is the greatest gift of compassion that Spirit can offer. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.
When you do not recognize your own existence, when you rely on others for measure, for assessment, to know whether you’re doing right or wrong. When you do not see yourself through your own eyes and hear yourself through your own ears, Spirit doesn’t recognize you either. Spirit doesn’t know you exist until the moment you know you exist, you see.
So that is one of the chapters from Memoirs of a Master – somewhat true stories, loosely based on my experiences with Shaumbra.
LINDA: Ohhh! (some chuckles and applause)
ADAMUS: These aren’t the type of stories that are necessarily going to have people cheering and applauding during the story. But my point is to do these stories and get the “Hmmmm. Hmmmm, now I get it.”
Okay, so we don’t know when the book’s going to come out, but I’m sure it’s will be, hmm, interesting.
Pop Quiz
Pop quiz time. A pop quiz is something we do at the spur of the moment with Linda running the microphone to the audience. It is to check, to assess, to see where you’re at, to see the type of replies you give.
So today’s subject in our pop quiz, in our in-the-moment quiz here, has to do with reality versus perception.
LINDA: Ohhh!
~ 1st Question – Reality vs. Perception
ADAMUS: Ohh, oh. An interesting one, reality versus perception.
So Linda, be ready at the microphone. You can be walking as I ask the question. (some chuckles)
Is it reality or perception that less than five percent of the humans on the planet control 95 percent of all of the wealth? Is it reality or perception? Five percent control the majority, the vast majority of the wealth on the planet, yes or no, reality or perception?
KAREN (woman): Reality.
ADAMUS: Would you mind standing? Yes.
KAREN: Reality.
ADAMUS: Reality. Why would you say that? Based on …
KAREN: My own experience.
ADAMUS: Your own experience. Okay. Good. Good answer. And Linda’s indicating, for everyone, please hold the microphone up to your face. Yeah.
KAREN: Okay.
ADAMUS: Good. Okay. And there are no right or wrong in this. The point is reality or perception.
It’s actually perception. Perception. The fact indeed is that there is a very small number of people or families or governments – or businesses rather – that control the majority of the finances on the planet. However, however, it’s a perception. It’s a perception as well, because just because she might have a lot of money – let’s say she has 20% of all of the wealth in the world – does not mean you can’t have wealth or you can’t have wealth or you can’t have wealth. There’s no limit or cap to the amount of wealth that this planet can have, whether it’s in terms of your financial instruments, natural resources or pure energy. There’s no cap on it.
There is the perception that certain people control it and other people can’t have it. There’s a perception that there is a limited amount of financial abundance on the planet, and that perception people get stuck – I cautiously use the word “control” – that these five percent or less control.
They don’t control at all. They have. They have. They have it; others don’t. There’s nothing to say that you couldn’t have it, that you couldn’t have it, you couldn’t have it. Nothing at all, and no matter how much they might want to control their number of their percentage points, their number of dollars or euros in the bank, they can’t. They can’t.
So my dear friends, the reality is, yeah, that’s kind of the way it is right now, there’s a few who have more than others. But there’s nothing to say that each and every one of you could not have exactly what you chose and more so what you allowed.
So reality versus perception, ah. Good.
Next. Next question. In North America and Europe there is more pollution now than there was 15 years ago – reality or perception?
DAVE (Crash): Yes.
ADAMUS: Yes. Based on?
DAVE: Based on scientific data.
ADAMUS: Good. Based on perception. Absolutely, there is less pollution than ever before in the last 15 years in, I said, North America and Europe. There’s a lot of new technologies that are reducing the amount of emissions. There is much more concern about the environment from the water and the air standpoint. Even though there are more people, more vehicles, more machines than ever before, the level of pollution is going down.
Now, globally not necessarily, because there are …
DAVE: Like China, India.
ADAMUS: … other countries that are adding a lot. But I specifically said North America and Europe.
So the reality is actually not and the perception is, generally when I ask this question, people say, “Oh yes, it’s getting worse.”
I point this out because this matter of perception, making a statement without actually really knowing the facts, sorry to say, but also believing that all these evils, all these terrible things are being done without looking at actually what is being done.
Now, at the same time, while there is a huge interest in the environment, because you all realize that this planet with its six billion humans can really only handle about ten and you’re rapidly approaching that number. So there has to be more concern about the ground, the air, the water, the animal kingdoms. However, it’s also subject to a tremendous amount of control and manipulation.
It’s a fertile feeding ground for those who are into control, and often without really even knowing anything about the subject – not referring to you, of course, Dave, but to others who are environmental fanatics – and using numbers, using information that’s actually not true. It’s a type of control. It’s just one more thing that I add on my list of hypnosis and mass control.
Actually, it is getting better in many places; other places they have a long way to go. They’re harming themselves, their own people, and there’s really not a consciousness. But particularly in Europe and North America, there is a consciousness and it is changing things. Perhaps not fast enough, what you would like. Perhaps there are still those who don’t have the consciousness of this planet, of this body that you live on, but it is coming. But also at the same time be aware of your perceptions – what’s real, what’s not, what’s control or what’s hypnosis and what’s not. Good.
Next question along the same lines, is there more or less crime right now than there was 15 years ago – major crime – more or less?
DAVID McMaster: (pausing slightly) Well I don’t want to take a trip to the bathroom. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Feel free. (Adamus is chuckling)
DAVID: And my sense is feeling less.
ADAMUS: Less. Any particular reason for saying that?
DAVID: Yes. Increased consciousness in the world that’s happened, especially since Shaumbra has come on the scene in the last 15 years.
ADAMUS: There you go. There you go. Yeah. Thank you. (audience applause)
There sometimes is the feeling that there’s more because of things like the Internet and news and blogs and the very, very rapid communication, but in what you call the more developed countries, there’s actually less crime. You’re correct.
In other places, once again, crime is still rampant, but consciousness – consciousness will be the thing that brings that to a better balance.
Now, while I say that, there is less statistical crime in most of these places than there has been 15 years ago. However, at the same time there’s more potential for what you would call catastrophic crime, terrorist type attacks. And with the sophistication that what you call terrorists, those who don’t regard other people’s lives, those who would kill large numbers of people for their own personal cause, there is more potential than ever before for that to happen because of technology and because of determination that they have.
So there’s kind of a constant cloud of fear that hangs over, particularly with you, and you listening online, because you can feel that. You can sense. It’s almost “When is the other shoe going to fall? When is the bottom side going to drop out?” You feel that like in the pit of your stomach or sometimes in your heart or throat area – “What next?”
It’s a difficult way to live, always worrying about what next, and I ask you simply to take a deep breath and live your own life as best you possibly can, as consciously as you can. Not even trying to stop those who would have their political, religious or financial agendas, but to live your own life in the highest form of embodied mastery. That is what will make the biggest difference on this planet. That’s what will add the element to consciousness that’s missing in so many places.
As I’ve said over and over again, the greatest thing you can do for this planet, actually for this universe, actually for all of creation, is to be the Master that you truly, truly are.
So let’s take a deep breath with that.
We could go on and on, but my point on this is reality and perception. There are so many perceptions. When you really start looking into it, the perceptions don’t necessarily match the reality. But I guess one could say that everything, no matter what, is perception.
So I ask you to look at your own perception – your perception of the world, your perception of your place in the world, your perception of enlightenment, your perception of what it takes to allow the enlightenment, the embodied enlightenment. There’s still a lot of perceptions right now that you have to work hard or suffer, that’s engrained in that little room, almost like a tiny little closet in the house of human consciousness. A little tiny closet stuck way off on the side has the word “enlightenment” barely legible on the door. And in that little tiny storage place, this is where the basis of enlightenment or consciousness is. It’s very close also to a much, much larger room called religion and another large room called philosophy. But in this little tiny, tiny closet stuck over on the side, a consciousness of enlightenment, what that is.
Now, we played the game before in our gatherings and our workshops where I say, “What is enlightenment?” And after doing that for a number of years, I stopped asking the question because there were really no good answers. No … well, there were some bad answers, but very few good answers. And ultimately the real answer is it’s a feeling. Enlightenment can’t really be defined. I guess you could define the net result of enlightenment, what you get as the human part – a better life, a healthier body, more happiness, although happiness is a really bad perception. [I could say] some funny things about happiness.
But this whole thing of enlightenment is about perception also, a perception of what you have to do. In this little closet hidden away are a few of the known Masters who have achieved enlightenment, but their stories, as we’ve talked about, are not so good. They’re filled with suffering. They’re filled with hardship, a lot of loneliness, a lot of angst, and at the end perhaps you could say a total breakdown or death. Not such a good perception to have.
I ask you to take a look at that the reality and the perception of enlightenment. I ask you to take a look at then the feeling that you have about enlightenment. It’s this thing that is above all other things in most of your lives. The most important thing, the reason you came here to this planet. But yet there’s still an odd perception about it – a perception of how hard you have to work and all of the philosophical, religious and spiritual studies that you have to do to get there, and such a feeling, so often a feeling of being incomplete, unfilled, unsatisfied or just not knowing the answer; the perception that there’s still something wrong, there’s still something you haven’t figured out.
Many of you go to bed at night saying, “There’s still something I’m not getting,” like this is a test or this is some sort of maze that you have to get through. Still saying to yourselves, “What is it? What is it? I’m just not quite there.” Days that you feel you’re making some progress, so to speak, but so often saying, “What am I not doing right?”
The thing that you’re not doing right is thinking about enlightenment – your perception of enlightenment, your perception of what needs to be done and what you’re going to be like in enlightenment.
My dear friends, there is really nothing that you have to do other than allowing. But that’s perhaps one of the most difficult things that a human will do, because there’s such a tendency to say, “I need to keep working at something. I must have to do something like meditate or chant or douse myself in oils” or one thing after the other. There’s part of the human consciousness that just can’t accept the fact that you can just allow the enlightenment. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to work at it. It’s not a game of power whatsoever.
You don’t have to push it. You don’t have to wrassle with it. It’s not something that the demon or even the darkness, or even Satan is keeping from you. The darkness, your darkness actually is hoping that you’ll allow it, because it will free that darkness. It will free that suffering and that deep wound within.
So perception, reality, perception and the reality of enlightenment. As the Ascended Masters would say, the perception of enlightenment, so far from what it truly is; the reality of enlightenment, so very close, as in right here, right now.
Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Moving on.
~ 2nd Question – What Have You Discovered?
This is our last channel, gathering in the Discovery Series. So the question is today, with Linda at the microphone once again, the question is in this Series, this past eleven series, what have you discovered? And I will need the writing board up here, if you wouldn’t mind. What have you discovered? And Linda, anybody.
We’ve had this Discovery Series. In a way you chose the title, not me. What have you discovered? And it can be something, what you would say, happy or sad, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. But what have you discovered about yourself? Thank you gentlemen (to Larry & Sart who brought up the writing board). Carol Merrill (a game show host) and his assistant. Good. Yes.
What have you discovered, Edith?
EDITH: I have had lots of very excellent reminders that I Am that I Am, and that I Exist and that I am a creative grand Master.
ADAMUS: Sounds good. What does that mean? (some chuckles) Let’s bring it into that funnel. Let’s distill it and give me about less than ten words. What have you discovered?
EDITH: I Am that I Am.
ADAMUS: Good. And you’ve discovered that.
EDITH: Well, I’ve had reminders. We’ve been working on it forever. 
ADAMUS: Yes. Yes we have! (laughter) Oh yes! Where did the reminder come from?
EDITH: You. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Did it come from you?
ADAMUS: Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night and go, “Yeah! I finally get it.”
EDITH: No, I sleep very well at night.
ADAMUS: Okay. (some chuckles) Let’s try this from a different angle. Have you ever been driving down the street, down the road during the middle of the day and suddenly, “I get it! I Am that I Am.”
EDITH: Well, I already knew that.
ADAMUS: Oh. Okay. Good. And what did you discover about living it this year?
EDITH: (sighs) Too much to talk about here.
ADAMUS: Okay. (Adamus chuckles) One thing?
EDITH: Well, eh … (she pauses)
ADAMUS: Be careful. You’ll be in my book Memoirs of a Master. (Adamus chuckles) Edith, you’re an icon.
EDITH: I’m like David. I don’t want to go to the restroom.
ADAMUS: Yes. We could go together if you want. (Adamus chuckles and some audience laughter) Edith, you’re an icon. Yes.
EDITH: I just had good reminders. I … um … because I don’t know what to tell … I mean, I can’t say I don’t know. Let’s see, um … I just …
ADAMUS: We’re teetering right on that natty edge. (laughter)
EDITH: It brings …
ADAMUS: We’re teetering.
ADAMUS: Joy. Thank you. I was just about to say, “Say anything!” (more chuckles) This is a very, very true statement. The Master – when the master is in doubt, when the Master can’t think anymore – just fake it. Make up anything. Say anything. Joy. I love it. Thank you.
Now, does it feel good to say joy?
EDITH: Yes. Yes!
ADAMUS: And did you discover any joy this year?
EDITH: Much joy.
ADAMUS: Thank you! See how easy it is. Two words. Much joy. Okay. (he sighs and writes on the board) “Much joy (much talk).” Okay. (a few more chuckles) Good. You’re in my book. I do change the names, yes. Yeah, but not yours. (Adamus chuckles)
Good. Next. What did you discover this year?
SHAUMBRA 1 (woman): Hi. I discovered my soul.
ADAMUS: Ooh. Where was it?
SHAUMBRA 1: Ah, ha, ha. I started, like, connecting with it, and then suddenly one day I just realized I felt like I’d been sleeping all my life …
ADAMUS: Ah yeah, yeah.
SHAUMBRA 1: … and I felt like I was waking up.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Both of which are true. Yes. Yes.
SHAUMBRA 1: You know, and began to sense life.
ADAMUS: What language does your soul speak to you in? Spanish or French? (she chuckles)
ADAMUS: Most souls speak French, you know. I’m, you know, I’m a little biased.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a feeling.
ADAMUS: A feeling.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a sense.
ADAMUS: Okay. Yes.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a knowing, you know.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Yeah.
SHAUMBRA 1: And then it kind of like I’ve been breathing my soul into my body more and more and more, and I feel I’m beginning to integrate, and I’m really – I’m very excited. It’s like suddenly I feel that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that it is possible that I will become enlightened in this life.
SHAUMBRA 1: And you know what, I …
ADAMUS: What would keep you from that? You say light at the end of tunnel, but you know what?
ADAMUS: It’s – well, it’s not a train, but it’s … maybe there’s another tunnel and another light after that. Maybe that light is just, you know, like a street light type of thing.
SHAUMBRA 1: I don’t think so.
ADAMUS: Are you sure?
SHAUMBRA 1: Oh, I’m sure. (she chuckles)
ADAMUS: Because … haven’t we gone through … we. Haven’t you gone through this before? A lot of light at the end of tunnel, a lot of getting close, but …
SHAUMBRA 1: I have never been through this before.
ADAMUS: Okay. I like the way you say that. I love that passion. You – brrgg! – stopped me.
SHAUMBRA 1: And, you know, I really want to take the opportunity to thank you, because you …
ADAMUS: I’ve done so little.
SHAUMBRA 1: No, you have! You really, you have guided me through this and thanks to you I’m beginning …
ADAMUS: Oh gosh! It’s just all you doing it. (laughter as he acts all modest)
SHAUMBRA 1: So, and not just …
ADAMUS: Oh, it’s all you!
SHAUMBRA 1: Not just me.
ADAMUS: I can’t take any of the credit.
SHAUMBRA 1: But like much of Shaumbra.
ADAMUS: Award! (Adamus pretends to give himself an award; laughter)
SHAUMBRA 1: So it’s a whole bunch of us, and we’re beginning to like …
ADAMUS: Oh, that’s all right. You don’t need to say more. (more chuckles)
SHAUMBRA 1: Anyhow.
ADAMUS: Okay, “Adamus.” (he writes “Adamus” on the board; audience applause)
SHAUMBRA 1: (chuckling) Thank you.
ADAMUS: Thank you.
SHAUMBRA 1: Can I get a hug from you?
ADAMUS: Sure! Anything else?
SHAUMBRA 1: Oh ho, ho.
ADAMUS: A kiss, a kiss. (they hug) Thank you. Good. We have to … a Master laughs. Has to laugh. Has to laugh. Good.
Next. Same question. What have you discovered this year? Good, bad, ugly, anything. What have you discovered?
SUE: I’d like to tell the story this morning in front of the mirror, and a part of me said, “I want to be a rock star, just like Edith.”
SUE: You know. (laughter and some applause) And …
ADAMUS: Look what you’ve created for yourself, Edith. Now there’s people all over the world watching you right now and they love you. I’m very serious. They love you Edith, because you represent so many, the questions and the perils, but yet the breakthroughs and the beautiful innocence about this awakening. They see what you’ve gone through and they’ve seen the ground that you’ve broken. So truly, you are an icon and a rock star. Yes. (more applause)
SUE: So then the response that came was I Am.
SUE: I Am.
SUE: I Am.
SUE: And it’s like, oh, to my …
ADAMUS: Have you really felt that this year?
SUE: Yes. Yes. And I laughed and it was like, yes, I get it.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Good.
SUE: I get it
ADAMUS: Because there is the I Am that I Am. (he says it blandly)
SUE: Eh-eh. No.
ADAMUS: And then there’s the I Am!! And then you want to say words, not because they’re nasty, but it’s just like “F---! (laughter) Gah! Why didn’t they tell me this before?! I Am!” And then suddenly it’s like this whole recording plays at sonic speed through your mind and into your body. And you’re like, “Oh! I remember when Adamus was on me about speaking in my voice, about saying ‘I command you to serve.’ I thought it was so stupid at the time, and now I get it. And I remember when Adamus was saying ‘I exist,’ and I thought, well I thought that’s the dumbest thing ever. My dog exists. You know, what am I saying ‘I exist.’ Now I get it!”
SUE: I Exist.
ADAMUS: “I get it!”
SUE: Yeah.
SUE: And it’s nice to scream in the car. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: It is. It is. Excellent. Okay. Two more. What did you discover this year? Yes.
KERRI: I discovered … I discovered that I matter, that I can love myself and I don’t need anything outside of myself.
ADAMUS: Maaakyo!
KERRI: What?!
ADAMUS: Makyo.
KERRI: Well, it’s better than “I don’t know!” (laughter) I came up with something!! (laughter and some applause)
ADAMUS: You discovered how to get around my questions. That’s a good one.
KERRI: I, I, ohh …
ADAMUS: So (writing on the board) “Adamus times two.” Times two. You’ve discovered. Great, and that’s an accomplishment.
KERRI: What was the accomplishment?
ADAMUS: Getting around me. Instead of saying, “I don’t know” and having to go to the bathroom.
KERRI: I won’t do that again. I took so much shit from the ladies.
KERRI: They were disappointed in me.
ADAMUS: Yeah, no pun intended, but yes. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Yeah. Good. So you discovered how to at least …
KERRI: At least.
ADAMUS: … stand in front of a Master. You’re in my book also.
KERRI: Oh really?
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah.
KERRI: Your favorite, huh?
ADAMUS: Yes. Oh, I didn’t say … (more laughter)
KERRI: That’s a lie. Don’t lie.
ADAMUS: You made me say that.
KERRI: Right, right.
ADAMUS: You understood how to stand up to a Master.
KERRI: Hell, yeah.
ADAMUS: Yes, and therefore …
KERRI: I stand up to you.
ADAMUS: And therefore stand up to yourself.
ADAMUS: Yes. To … could I be very honest?
KERRI: Oh god, yeah, that’s fine.
ADAMUS: Oh god. They should just say no.
You’ve learned – and still learning, still practicing, but you’ve learned – to stand up to that bratty little girl …
KERRI: (whispers) Oh fuck you. Okay, but yes, thank you.
ADAMUS: … within. And you’ve learned not to let that aspect run you …
KERRI: I told it to shut – S.T.F.U. – on the way here. I said that.
ADAMUS: You can say it out loud.
KERRI: Shut the fuck up already.
ADAMUS: Thank you.
KERRI: That’s not mine.
ADAMUS: No, but …
KERRI: Right?
ADAMUS: But that’s what it took for you, to finally say, “No more, I Am” and not let that little spoiled very hurt little brat keep running your life.
KERRI: Okay. Thank you.
ADAMUS: Thank you. (some applause) But doesn’t it feel good …
ADAMUS: … to say …
KERRI: I knew I was the brat and spoiled. I didn’t …
ADAMUS: No, no, no, no. Stop. You’re not.
KERRI: I’m not anymore.
ADAMUS: That’s right.
KERRI: I knew that …
ADAMUS: That aspect that was running your life. That was actually – that spoiled little brat – was actually scared to hell of life, scared of what the next moment was going to bring. Scared to be alone, but yet always miserable in the company of a lot of others …
KERRI: Jesus Christ, just keep it coming. Just let it all out, you know. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Jesus is somewhere else today. He’s off on another thing. It’s just you and me.
But it’s such a discovery to finally say, “I don’t need that anymore.” And, my friends, it’s not other people in your life that are driving you crazy; it’s yourself. It’s not family members or friends. It’s you and you that are driving yourself crazy.
And, first of all, it takes a certain clarity to recognize that ‘you’ is many, many things. There are many, many aspects; that ‘you’ isn’t this just foggy, big kind of a mess of all these different emotions and feelings and thoughts and direction; that you have many different facets or rays of yourself, but don’t let the facet or the ray, particularly if it’s a dysfunctional ray, of yourself run the show. It’s only when you discover that you’re going to run the show no matter what.
Now, you have tremendous determination, tremendous drive and stubbornness, and you’re finally using that instead of letting it being used by this aspect. And that’s when things in your life are going to change, my dear friend. You can talk about perhaps not doing your life’s passion, what you really want to do with the people that you want to do it, with the level of abundance, because you’ve been letting that little brat run things. No more.
KERRI: Do you know how many women in here are going, “Finally, he told that bitch what I wanted to say!”
ADAMUS: (laughing) Well, men too. (laughter)
KERRI: Yeah, exactly! Finally!
ADAMUS: But more so the men, I think.
KERRI: Oh well, they …
ADAMUS: Stop nodding, gentlemen. (more chuckles) Good. Excellent. Thank you. Oh, some breakthroughs here.
KERRI: Thank you.
ADAMUS: Yes. Last one. What did you discover?
CAROL: The convergence.
ADAMUS: Convergence. Good. I like that one. And what did you discover about it? What converged?
CAROL: So, to describe it, if there were two paths and they’re coming together, so the human on one and the rest of myself on the other one. But the paths are coming together. The first thing is you become aware there’s another path, but you’re aware they’re converging. And you don’t have to run over to get on that path or have that … they’re going to come together. Now, they are so close, close enough that you can hold hands with the other path.
CAROL: It’s so great!
CAROL: And at first it was you were holding hands in that realm. But no, now you’re walking as a human. You’re like “Hold hands with me on Earth walking here.” That’s how close. So the point of being the one is it’s right there, and so when you say relax, because it’s not like, “Okay, I have to do something, bah, bah, bah …”
ADAMUS: Right. Oh, there’s a tendency to think that.
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah.
CAROL: So much stress on you. But you just say, no, it’s natural. It’s converging. You’re even holding hands. So what’s the problem? You’re arriving at that point together.
ADAMUS: Yes. Question. When are you going to stop holding hands and make love?
CAROL: Yeah! That’s what I want to know. But then the mind! The mind! (Adamus chuckles) If I start on that and don’t relax, the mind – “What do I have to do? How do I do that? Why don’t I love myself? Why am I not already enlightened?” And then, “You are already enlightened.” I’m like, right, right. So, but when is it realized here on Earth? But don’t push. So.
ADAMUS: I think that’ll be another chapter in my Memoirs of a Master.
CAROL: Chapter? It’s a whole book!
ADAMUS: You know, “From Holding Hands to Making Love.”
ADAMUS: And taking that, allowing that big step.
ADAMUS: I’m talking about loving yourself, of course.
CAROL: Yourself. Exactly.
ADAMUS: And you can hold hands for a long time, but after a while it’s like come on, you know.
CAROL: Yeah. That’s – you know, come on!
ADAMUS: All talk, no action. Yeah.
CAROL: Okay! (they chuckle)
ADAMUS: All thinking no integration.
CAROL: How about at least kissing?!
ADAMUS: Yes, yes.
CAROL: Something!
CAROL: Yeah.
ADAMUS: Excellent. I love that. I love that story. Good.
~ 3rd Question – What Do You Wish You Had Discovered?
Okay, next question, and this is a leading question – leading you and leading into the next segment. What do you wish you had discovered that you didn’t? What do you wish you had discovered but you didn’t? Hm. Ah.
JANE: Ahhh.
ADAMUS: (whispers) Make it up. Fake it. (some chuckles)
JANE: I wish I had discovered what I discovered sooner.
ADAMUS: Yeah. I like that. I like that. Yes. Kind of Zen-like. Yeah. Yes. Wish you had … how much sooner?
JANE: Lifetimes. (Adamus chuckles)
JANE: Because I would have enjoyed life a lot more.
ADAMUS: Ahhh! I love that. I love that. You warmed Cauldre’s heart. He’s got a big wart over it though. (a few chuckles) Yes. Not because there’s a race, not because you’re trying to beat others to enlightenment or anything, but you could have just enjoyed life a little more.
Now, you’ll actually look back and say, “Well, that kind of was fun, all those crazy things, all that wacko moments and all the stress and the fear.” But kind of, in a warped way, it was kind of fun, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it. Yeah.
JANE: True.
ADAMUS: True. And, but yeah, at a certain point, it just gets old. It just gets boring.
Part of the … human life offers so much, but part of the challenge is it tends to get into patterns, into ruts and repeat itself over and over and over. And then people say, “I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know.” And then they just wait and nothing happens other than you’re building a bigger rut. And it takes a very brave, bold, outrageous, courageous human to say, “No more. No more. I’m done with it.”
Now, what happens is you say ‘no more,’ but then a weird thing happens is the human self, little self, kicks in and says, “Well, now I have to do something.” No, you already did it by saying ‘no more.’ When you really mean it, when you really, really mean it – “No more” – it changes your entire, you could say, your quotient or your ratio of consciousness; the amount of consciousness that you’re able to tap into and use in your everyday life. That is like a great big magnet that attracts energy. It brings energy in that automatically changes all of these things in your life.
Now, a lot of times the little human says, “Yeah, but it didn’t happen – snap – like that.” Well no. Sometimes it does it in a graceful way. Sometimes a lot of other energies in a lot of other dimensions and also with a lot of other people have to realign. But the true Master takes a deep breath and says, “My job is done. I had that deep commitment. I said no more, and therefore I expect that everything is going to change and I don’t have to do anything other than to enjoy my life.”
JANE: Yeah.
ADAMUS: So great. So please, yes, enjoy your life.
JANE: Yes. Thank you.
ADAMUS: Absolutely. Thank you. (applause)
What would you like to have discovered in this Discovery Series? Because you still have the opportunity. We’ve got about 47 minutes left to discover it. What do you wish you had discovered? (the next person grimaces when Linda hands her the mike) She’s only the messenger with the microphone.
Could I stop for moment, because you were going to be thinking here too much. Could you just feel the energy for a moment? It’s almost tingling. It’s so beautiful, so real in here and hopefully everybody watching in as well. Yeah. Okay.
SUSAN: I wish I would have discovered my freedom sooner.
ADAMUS: Freedom. Hm. And what would you have done with it if you had discovered it?
SUSAN: Anything and everything. (they chuckle)
ADAMUS: Good. Any reason why it took so long?
SUSAN: Old stories, old patterns, old habits, old …
ADAMUS: Old shit.
SUSAN: … chains that I was still buying into it.
ADAMUS: Also taking care of a lot of other people.
SUSAN: Yeah.
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s a tough one, taking care of a lot of others. It’s called delayed enlightenment. “I’ll wait until I got everybody else taken care of.” Well, all you’re going to do is attract more needy people in your life with that kind of perception. And you’re going to be taking care of a lot of folks and really delaying, procrastinating or whatever, your own freedom. And ultimately that’s what enlightenment is – freedom. I refer to the higher self or the golden angel or whatever; it’s really just the Free Self, and the human as kind of the little self, the trapped self. And the funny thing is you can be either one just by taking a deep breath and choosing.
But most people won’t. They won’t take a deep breath. They’ll think about it. They’ll think, and then they’ll want to consider, “Well, let’s see. My little human self, my Free Sel- …” They’ll get into this mental quagmire and they’ll never do it. They’ll think they did.
I’ve had people that have come to some of our Shaumbra gatherings in this lifetime that in previous lifetimes thought they made a choice. And then they’re angry with me because they say, “Well, it didn’t happen. It didn’t work.” And – another chapter in my Memoirs of a Master – but, well, you actually never made a choice.
“Oh,” they say, “Yes they did. I made a choice. I made a choice for abundance.” It’s like, no. You thought about abundance and you maybe dreamt a little bit of abundance. But your perception was that everybody else had the money and you didn’t, and you weren’t free and they were taking advantage of you. So you never really made a choice. You thought about it, and you kind of thought how nice it would be, but then you walked out the door of the Mystery School, of the class, whatever it was, and went back to your old ways.
So freedom. It comes with making that choice.
SUSAN: Mm hmm.
SUSAN: Yeah.
ADAMUS: So I’m glad you’ve … it’s a hard thing letting other people go. Truly hard and I truly understand. Having them take responsibility for their own lives. And you’ve been – you, all of you – have been so programmed into having to take care of others and of course look out for everyone else first. It’s a very, very old but strong dynamic on this planet. And there’s a feeling of guilt when it says, “No. Take care of you. Spend the money on you. Take the time for you. Love you.” And then there’s this immediate thought that comes in, “Yeah, I’ll do that a little bit more than I’ve been doing.” It’s like, no, you do it fully or forget about it, because otherwise you’re going to be miserable. You’re going to be trying to take care of others. You’re going to be trying to take care of yourself and failing at both. Do it all out. Thank you.
SUSAN: Yeah. And now I’m … a lot of new things are starting to open up for me since I’ve made that choice and I’ve left my old life. New passion is bubbling up inside of me and new opportunities, new doors opening, abundance. You know, I … you know, I’ve got it made.
ADAMUS: And then the thought is “Why didn’t I do it this sooner?”
SUSAN: Mm hmm.
ADAMUS: “Why didn’t I?” Yeah. And the tough one is, the other part of that is that you start doing it and the abundance comes in and the opportunities and everything else. But it can be a little lonely, because most of the people that you associated with are still in that other dimension, that other consciousness. It’s a little lonely, but that’s changing as more and more people are calling themselves on their makyo and understanding when it’s real distraction and finally just allowing their freedom. Absolutely.
Freedom is still the biggest issue facing this planet. Biggest issue, and people talk about the word freedom, but very few really understand what it is. They think freedom is the ability to shop at one store versus another or have this kind of job or that kind of job. That’s not freedom. That’s not freedom. Freedom is loving you, taking responsibility for you and just allowing. Yeah. Good. One more.
What do you wish you had discovered this year but you hadn’t?
KATHLEEN: (pausing) I discovered my completion grounded right here, loving myself completely and enabling my own self to shine. 
ADAMUS: Good. What didn’t you discover?
KATHLEEN: So I don’t …
ADAMUS: What do you wish you …
KATHLEEN: A tantra partner.
ADAMUS: Tantra. Oh, that’s good. Yeah, tantra partner.
KATHLEEN: Somebody to share with energetically.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Any volunteers? (some chuckles) They’re all too shy. (Adamus chuckles) No that’s actually very, very good. You know, this was about discovery and it was … we got into talking about the body and the biology, to have a partner to share that with – incredible.
So part of the issue is that I just addressed over here was the loneliness, a bit of it, because there’s still not a lot of beings who are ready. So much of sex is about energy imbalances, I’m sorry to say, or inadequacies. But so often it’s not a free sharing. So much guilt associated with it. So many hang ups.
So, I do have a partner for you though. I …
ADAMUS: She’s holding the microphone. (Adamus chuckles)
KATHLEEN: I do know that. I own that, for myself.
KATHLEEN: But yeah, to still have somebody physically present in a close proximity to share with.
ADAMUS: Yes. Might as well.
KATHLEEN: I do totally love me.
ADAMUS: Yes. It’s so important. So important. And the breakthrough there, the discovery there is that one can only truly engage in open free sharing of the physical and spiritual on that level when one loves themselves openly and freely. Good.
LINDA: So Kathleen is saying that she’s single and available. By the way, she is on Facebook with Crimson Circle. (some chuckles)
ADAMUS: (chuckling) Yeah, somebody will probably start a Shaumbra tantra. Yes. So thank you.
Let’s take a deep breath as we move into the real core, the real …
LINDA: Oooh.
ADAMUS: Linda thought we were done. No, no, no. We’re just getting warmed up. Let’s get into the real core of what we’re here for today.
This was a Discovery Series and a lot of you discovered different things, a lot of it still mental. It’s still floating around up here – “I Am, I Exist” – but you haven’t felt it. You haven’t really experienced it to the point that it would be like making love to yourself. It would be like a mass physical, spiritual and mental orgasm. And if you didn’t discover that this year, well, you’ve got about 36 minutes left to do it.
Part of the issue, challenge perhaps, is mediocrity, complacency, thinking about enlightenment rather than being in the passion of it. There is a word that I’m going to be putting in the Shaumbra dictionary, a word that may sound a little familiar. The word is Kaiko, also spelled or pronounced Kaiho (ka-ho). But I prefer Kaiko because somebody’s going to take the word Kaiho and make fun of it and turn it into something. Yeah, you. (Linda’s laughing and audience laughter) I don’t have to be psychic to know shortly after she’s says, “Doesn’t that sound a lot like a-hole?” (more laughter) So just for you I had to create a new word, Kaiko.
LINDA: Okay-ho. Okay-ho. (she giggles)
ADAMUS: Kaiko. Kaiko is passion. Kaiko is deep and meaningful. Kaiko is almost explosive. And what so many of you didn’t discover this year, in spite of all the wonderful things you might, is Kaiko. Kaiko is that passion that is within you, but you cemented it over. You’ve sealed it up. You put steel doors on it. You’ve hidden it. You’ve suppressed it. You put it down and then you thought too much so that it seemed to vanish.
Kaiko is that deep underlying, that passion that goes so very deep that you’re afraid to let out. (speaking very passionately) Kaiko – deep inner truth. It’s a lion that’s roaring, but you’ve learned how to suppress it. You learned how to put it down, turn it into a kitty cat at best. And then say that you’re spiritual, say that you want enlightenment, when all the time, because you’ve suppressed Kaiko, you end up focusing on things like abundance and partners and your damn health and everything else.
You have hidden this Kaiko, this deep feeling, because if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here. You’d be out dancing in the parking lot while the rest of everybody sat in here. You would have so much fire and passion and enthusiasm that you couldn’t contain it, hardly contain it in that body. The Kaiko would drive those demons out of your mind, those aspects way from you; that deep passion. But instead you’ve settled for complacency, mediocrity in enlightenment.
“We’ll take a few steps each month along the way. We’ll learn a little bit more. We’ll discover a little bit more,” and I say hell no. It’s about letting that passion out, letting it come forth.
There shouldn’t be anything in your life that’s more important than your freedom and your enlightenment. Not your job, not your family, not your children, not your health, not your status, not any awards on your chest. Nothing is more important, to the point where I say it’s like I used to literally take students at some of the Mystery Schools, grab them by their hair, which I won’t do right here, grab them by their hair and yank them down, putting their head underwater until they were about to have the last breath in this lifetime. Then I’d pull their head up from the water … you used to be able to do this before lawyers. (laughter) I’d pull their head up from the water and I’d say, “What was that like to want that breath so desperately, to go beyond the mind trying to figure out what was going on and what lesson I was trying to teach. What was it like that desperation, that determination for a breath? That’s the only thing that mattered.” And they would say, “Yes, that’s all that mattered. I could think of nothing else. Only to breathe so that I may live.” And I said, “Now, you’re beginning, at the very beginning of understanding Kaiko.” That passion, that roaring passion that’s so deep within each and every one of you, but you’ve somehow managed to hide it.
I have to give you credit for hiding it so well. Something that is that encompassing, that is that big and that roaring. I give you credit for somehow managing to suppress it. But you know what? It’s still there. It’s still there. And that’s what you should have discovered this year. That roaring, screaming passion for your own freedom, because God only knows how long it’s been since you’ve had freedom. How long it’s been since you were happy with yourself, content with yourself. How long it’s been since everything just happened in your life with synchronicity, with ease and with grace. But yet you go along month after month, year after year and lifetime after lifetime in a form of spiritual complacency.
I often wonder if that complacency, that mediocrity with yourself, is worse than no consciousness whatsoever. I wonder sometimes if it’s better not to stay asleep consciously until you’re actually truly ready to wake up, because what steps could be more miserable than little ones into enlightenment.
Those little steps are the ones that hurt, that are painful, that cause all these emotions and feelings and confusion. That mediocrity, that putting up for something less than full freedom and enlightenment is what’s making the path and the journey so difficult.
None of you have to tolerate that. There’s nobody controlling you. And if you think there is, take a look at your perspective. There’s no one stopping you from enlightenment. There’s no one holding you back. Not even mass consciousness, not at all. It’s complacency. It’s willingness to just plod along.
My dear friends, it hurts. It’s painful. It’s painful for me to watch. It’s painful for me to have to come up with new antics every month to try to distract you, to try to get something going.
Kaiko is a passion that will have nothing else other than its own fulfillment.
I ask you to take a good deep breath and feel into that. Let it come forth.
Well, that was pretty miserable. (a few chuckles) Let’s try that again.
Kaiko or Kaiho means deep longing – deep longing, soulful longing – a longing so deep and so strong. It’s desire and passion. It’s not the greed of human nature. It’s not simply wanting a better life. It’s wanting this freedom or not to live at all. Not to live.
And how many of you have been so bold and courageous to say, “I do not care about living another moment if it’s not in freedom. I don’t care if I die.” And you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t. The freedom should be more important than all of these rules and regulations and complacencies and thinking and what if. “I would rather die in this moment than live another moment in limitation.” That’s how it should be, but none of you that I can see are there yet. You think about it. You think you’ve made a decision and a choice about enlightenment and freedom, and my dear friends, it is so thin. It is so without passion. It is so into thoughts and thinking, into pondering things and into plodding, into compromising, into complacency.
It is much easier for me to look beyond the deeds of humans who are not awake, who haven’t had at least a taste of Spirit and of freedom. Much easier for me to overlook their imbalances, their weaknesses than it is for me to look in the eyes of some of you who know better, who have been sitting in these classes for ages and ages, who call yourselves teachers, who think you’re spiritual, but yet where’s the Kaiko? Where the deep roaring fire from within where nothing else matters? Nothing. And it’s only when you get to that, will you understand enlightenment and freedom.
Other than that it’s a game. It’s a game that you can play for a long time. Thinking that you’ve made a choice, thinking that you’ve made some sort of discovery, when indeed, you’ve just dug yourself a deeper hole. You’ve just glossed over, painted over, shellacked over this true, true inner passion called Kaiko. Nothing matters other than that. Not family, not life itself, not health. Nothing. That is when you start to get real with yourself.
That’s where we don’t hear a lot of makyo in this room. That’s when there’s not a lot of words without … do you feel sometimes the words without feeling? The words without meaning? Like mimicking or parroting, saying something because, well, you know, you think it’s the right thing to say.
With Kaiko, if I challenge you, you’d get back up and you’d say, “Fuck you Adamus,” and I would feel it, and then I would stop pestering you. With true Kaiko, you would be dancing. You would be shining. You would be shining. You would be roaring. You would be up here right in front of me saying, “Adamus, let’s move forward. I’m tired of all this talk. I’m tired …”
LINDA: Adamus! Let’s move forward! (audience cheering and applause)
ADAMUS: Thank you! Thank you!
Freedom. (he says blandly, then chuckles) Freedom. (blandly again) No it’s FREEDOM! Like THAT!!!! (audience yells “Freedom!”)
I hear that now and I hear your big words, but when are you really going to mean it? I hear, “Oh yeah, freedom. Fuck you, Adamus.” But when are you really going to say it? And when are you going to say it to yourself? Ah, it’s one thing to tell me to fuck off, but to tell yourself. (a few chuckles) To tell yourself …
KERRI: I did.
ADAMUS: … with passion. Kind of, not really.
KERRI: No, really.
ADAMUS: No, kind of not so much.
KERRI: No really!
ADAMUS: It was suppressed. It was hidden. It was, it was …
KERRI: Fuck you! I did say it! Okay! I said it.
ADAMUS: That’s that little girl screaming at me. I want to hear you scream at me.
KERRI: What do you want me to say now? (Adamus sighs) Shut the fuck up already!
ADAMUS: I like that. I like that! And didn’t it feel good?
KERRI: It feels great. I love to say that. S.T.F.U. (Adamus chuckles) I really like to say that when I’m drinking and smoking at the same time. That’s living.
ADAMUS: Okay, somebody get her a beer and a cigar. (laughter) Up here. (he calls her to the stage)
ADAMUS: Come on. Come on. Come on! (someone shouts “Woo!” and applauds)
KERRI: You really, like …
ADAMUS: Yeah. Okay. So now – Kaiko.
KERRI: Kaikoooo!! Kaikoooo!! It’s got to be like karate chop. Kaikooo!
ADAMUS: It kind of is.
KERRI: I saw me doing that like haiyahhh!!!! Chakaaa!
ADAMUS: Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Just really …
KERRI: I just did it.
ADAMUS: No, really do it.
KERRI: (she kicks up her leg) Kaikooo! Kaikooo! Haiyah! (some laughter and applause)
ADAMUS: There was some passion in there.
KERRI: I have been missing that. I know I’ve been missing that.
ADAMUS: I know!
KERRI: I’m like, where the … is that at?
ADAMUS: Could I be …
KERRI: It’s like this little tiny flame.
ADAMUS: Could I be honest with you again here?
KERRI: Oh god, yeah.
ADAMUS: In a way, you’re kind of like a … I’m going to step off this stage so you don’t kick me. (some chuckles) In a way, you’re kind of like the poster child for …
ADAMUS: No, for …
KERRI: Being totally dysfunctionally fucked up? Or … (some chuckles)
ADAMUS: Geez. I wasn’t going to say that, but now that I think about it. (more laughter)
KERRI: I accept it!
ADAMUS: Well yeah! That’s it! Kind of the poster child for one who has had a lot of accomplishments in the past – past lives – even some in this lifetime; a poster child for one who deludes themselves. Deludes themselves in terms of like spreading yourself too thin and there’s no substance. There’s no depth. You have tremendous capability. You have tremendous ability to focus.
Focus is one of the angelic senses. She can be the poster child for focus. But what does she do? Unfocuses, dilutes, spills all over. So there’s no focus.
And you …
KERRI: (speaking to someone in the audience) You wish. You’re glad it’s me, aren’t you? I see it on your face. You’re like, “Oh shit! I’m glad it’s her.”
ADAMUS: Yeah, you’re next. You’re next. (some chuckles) So you defocus and then you tell yourself you got too many problems and life’s been too tough and you don’t know what to do. You tell yourself all the time “I don’t know.”
KERRI: I know. I do.
ADAMUS: And then you hope I didn’t hear. I do. I keep score. You’re going in my book.
What you lack, my dear, is one thing – a little passion.
KERRI: Yes! We need a tub. I’m ready. Like hold my head! I’m tired of this shit! I don’t want to do this two more years!
ADAMUS: We’ll just go in the …
KERRI: Get a tub!
ADAMUS: Yeah, thank you. We’ll just …
KERRI: I don’t care about the makeup. Let’s just throw down.
ADAMUS: We’ll just go in the ladies …
KERRI: Okay. (Linda and Sandra are looking for a bucket) That’s got mesh. It won’t hold water.
ADAMUS: We’ll go in the ladies room.
KERRI: Linda is so ready to videotape that. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Ladies room in the toilet.
KERRI: Not the toilet, Linda! Not the toilet! (more laughter) I won’t go there.
ADAMUS: We need a remote camera to follow us in the toilet as I dunk her head.
KERRI: No, not – no, not the toilet. We should wrestle.
ADAMUS: Now, let me ask you.
ADAMUS: When I started talking about Kaiko, could you feel a little something inside of you start to rattle?
KERRI: Yes, yes, yes. I was like I heard that “Kaikooo!” (in a small high voice) really deeply within.
ADAMUS: I didn’t say Kaikooo! (mimicking her)
KERRI: Well, you know, it travels …
ADAMUS: Kaiko!!
KERRI: Yeah.
ADAMUS: Like that.
KERRI: Really, really.
ADAMUS: Oh! And by the way, it is not a … it’s actually an old Lemurian term. It’s not necessarily an Asian term or Japanese.
KERRI: But it sounds better.
ADAMUS: It is. Do you know where it comes from? What country of origin?
KERRI: Oh, Romania?
ADAMUS: More recent history.
KERRI: I don’t know why. Romania?
ADAMUS: Finnish.
ADAMUS: Finnish, which … yeah, yeah. So, so Finnish – deep longing. They’re filling the bucket. (laughter; Linda’s filling a bucket)
SART: We can only find the toilet! (laughter)
KERRI: She’s like, oh my god … No. No. Like she’s really for real going to help me do that.
ADAMUS: Oh sure. Oh sure, sure. Yes.
KERRI: Now I’m scared.
ADAMUS: How deep can we go here? (more chuckles; someone says “It’s pretty deep”)
KERRI: Like she’s …
ADAMUS: Are we able to get camera shot once we do the … (Linda is bringing a bucket of water)
KERRI: Oh my god! You can’t ruin your carpet. How’s my head going to fit in that?! Have you lost your mind?
LINDA: (showing the bucket to Adamus) You want more or is that enough?
KERRI: Oh my god! What the hell?!
ADAMUS: You think I could put that big head in here?! (laughter) No, big as in, you know, like …
KERRI: It’s all dirty! Are you crazy? Hell no! The toilet’s better than that. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Okay. Come on.
KERRI: You would have to hold – you would have to wrestle me. It would be fun. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Now, you see …
KERRI: But I’m serious. We’ll get a big tub.
ADAMUS: Something inside of her is waking up, and it’s entertainment. It’s funny, to a degree, to a degree. Could you imagine drowning in that?
KERRI: Hell no.
ADAMUS: How would they explain that?
KERRI: I don’t know if you could hold me down. That’s part of the challenge.
ADAMUS: Ohh yeah. (Adamus chuckles)
KERRI: Like that would be fun to watch. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Ohh yeah!
KERRI: All day long.
ADAMUS: But, but – this is going to be yet another one of my Master stories – I’m not going to hold you down. I’m going to ask you to do it on your own.
KERRI: Heck no! Oh hell no. I’m not doing that. No! Linda, really? On a dirty bucket? Ruin all this?
LINDA: It’s almost brand new. (laughter)
ADAMUS: That’s not so bad. Kuthumi would tell you in India it’s much worse.
KERRI: Oh yeah. They poo and pee in the same place they, you know, go to wash.
ADAMUS: Really? Is that perception or reality?
KERRI: Uh, reality.
ADAMUS: Okay. (Adamus chuckles)
KERRI: And you know it. Okay.
ADAMUS: So, dear Kerri, dear Shaumbra, dear Shaumbra, that passion.
Now, we touched on it a little bit here, but the chances are, the probability is that when we’re done with the day you’re going to walk out that door and light a cigarette and go have a beer. You’re going to walk out that door and say, “Well, gee, that was a lot of fun today. I can’t wait for next month.” And then go back to your old ways of doing things. Go back to mediocrity and complacency and excuses and allowing that little brat to run your life.
KERRI: You just told me I got past that. That was so last year now. I’m like …
ADAMUS: Yeah, but …
KERRI: Discovery Series five minutes.
ADAMUS: But then after you sat in the chair for a little while, it came back.
KERRI: Bullshit.
ADAMUS: But no, no. Say bullshit! Like you mean it.
KERRI: Bull shit!!
ADAMUS: Like you mean it. Good.
KERRI: Bullshit.
ADAMUS: Okay, so thank you.
KERRI: That girl is dead.
ADAMUS: Thank you. Yes.
KERRI: No dirty bucket! (some applause)
ADAMUS: Ah. Question. The question is does that mean you’re jut supposed to tell people off when you feel like it? (some people say yes, some say no) How many say yes? Just let it fly. Oh! Thank you. How many raised their hands? Okay. So we don’t have enough Adamus Awards, but you should have brought more. So we have some – everybody raising their hand, see Linda for an Adamus Award. Yes!
LINDA: Oh, the three of you. That’s exactly how many I have.
ADAMUS: No, no. There’s about – no, no. There’s 12, 15, more. (Adamus chuckles as more people raise their hands)
Let’s take a deep breath.
The question is, and it’s a very good question, “You mean I should just tell people what I’m feeling? To fuck off? To bite me?” In theory, in theory, yes. Otherwise, you have this regulator, this suppressor that you have on. Otherwise, there’s no Kaiko. There’s a bunch of excuses, and there’s a bunch of holding back.
So you can give yourself permission to say whatever you want to say. Now, that brings up some issues – “Oh my gosh” – because you told yourself a long time ago, “I’ll never do that again. I’ll never speak bad again. I’m never going to hurt anybody again. I’m going to always just try to blend in. I’m not going to create waves. I’m not going to get angry when I get on the phone with some customer service people. I’m not going to tell people exactly what I think.” (a few chuckles)
The reality is now – yes, I would like you to give yourself permission to do that, I would – now, the reality is you’re just opening yourself up. And actually if you have some anger … you know, every student coming into enlightenment tries to suppress their anger, but learns just get angry. Just let it out. Now, again right away you say, “Well, what if I go and kill all these people?” Well, you’re not going to. You’re not going to. You have too much consciousness to do that. But you say, “Yes, but Adamus you don’t see the thoughts I have in my mind.” Oh yes I do. (some chuckles) Yeah. That’s why I’m wearing a bulletproof vest. (more laughter)
But it’s negotiation you have with yourself. “Well, I can’t let myself get angry” and “Enlightened people don’t get angry.” I beg to differ with you. Every Master that’s come before you goes through intense anger. It’s one of the five stages of enlightenment. Anger. Anger, and then …
CAROL: So, do they beat themselves up afterwards? No.
ADAMUS: Be themselves up afterwards?
CAROL: Yeah. After they’ve done their passion and tell people off.
ADAMUS: The question is do they beat themselves up afterwards? Do they feel guilty? No! You know why? Because they don’t end up doing it. They free up a lot of energy when they get into Kaiko, when they say, “I give myself permission to say exactly and to be exactly who I am. I give myself permission to do that without all these suppressors and controls on myself, without this whole perception of having to control.” And then they give themselves freedom and then they laugh. They laugh, because you realize you have the freedom to do it, to yell at the top of your lungs at the moon, to tell God to fuck off. You have the permission to do that, and it feels good just to know you have that. Chances are once you realize that, you’ll probably never have to do it or want to do it. But just to realize.
Start being real. Start being free. Get some Kaiko in your life. No, it’s not a supplement you take. (laughter) Gawd! I just heard four people listening in on the Internet, “Ah! I’ll write that down. (more laughter) Yeah! Kaiko, made from natural seafood. Ohh!” No, no, no.
EDITH: Could I ask you a question?
ADAMUS: With a microphone from Linda you can absolutely ask a question.
EDITH: Why …
ADAMUS: Doesn’t it feel good, and next time don’t ask for permission. Just say, “Linda, give me the fucking microphone.” (laughter)
LINDA: You don’t want my answer.
EDITH: You won’t like my question. I’m asking you why you think freedom has to be vulgar?
ADAMUS: It doesn’t. It doesn’t. And by nature, you’re not. I’m not. But sometimes you have so much pent up in you. Don’t let me pick on you, because you have a tremendous amount of pent up suppressed energy. Trying to do the right thing, trying to, as we talked about last month, trying to keep other people happy, and it’s all crap.
EDITH: No, just alive.
ADAMUS: Vulgar. You know, first of all, it doesn’t mean anything. In Kaiko, you could say fuck eight thousand times in a row and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
EDITH: It does to me. It hurts my ears.
EDITH:  It just hurts my ears. I don’t like to hear it.
ADAMUS: Well fuck! What’s more important, enlightenment or some little things hurting your ears? (some applause)
EDITH: I like the passion. And people can be passionate any way they want.
ADAMUS: Controlled passion.
ADAMUS: My god! That’s what we’re talking about here! (he wants to hit the backdrop in frustration but stops) Oh. (laughter) I saw that (to the crew). Gahh! I can’t help it! (he dumps the water of the bucket onto the carpet; some in audience scream) Like that, Edith!!! Like that!!!! (more laughter) Edith, Edith …
EDITH: Passion can be beautiful and wonderful. It doesn’t have to be …
ADAMUS: Yes, passion can be beautiful
EDITH: … obscene and obnoxious and wrecking carpets. It doesn’t have to be crap!
ADAMUS: That didn’t wreck the carpet. Edith, I’m glad you’re getting mad at me. Finally! My god! To get it out! But it takes me getting mad at you. This is not my natural state of being to be in your face. (she giggles) But what does it matter? How much are you going to control this whole coming into enlightenment?
EDITH: I’m in it. I’m not worrying about controlling it. I’m enjoying it. It’s wonderful. I know I Am that I Am.
ADAMUS: Yes. Now, back to my point. I come full circle. I started out the day by saying relax into your enlightenment. And I said I’m going to contradict myself later on, because now I’m talking about passion. I’m talking about Kaiko. I’m talking about that deep longing.
EDITH: It’s great. It’s great!
ADAMUS: Yes. And I come back now and say once you feel that, that desire that’s so deep, Edith, there’s nothing else that matters. There’s no compromising. It doesn’t matter how many bad words or buckets of water or pounds that you gain or years that you put on your age or bad relationships or lack of money. None of it matters other than the freedom.
That passion! That feeling. And I don’t care if you have to get angry to discover it. I don’t care if you have to scream and yell. I don’t care what it takes, including death, to discover that. When you come back to that place, that Kaiko, then you’re free. Then you can truly relax, take a deep breath and come back to that very thing that brought you on the spiritual path, that knowingness that I’ve talked about before that occurred a few lifetimes ago, that thing that said, “There’s got to be more than what I’m allowing myself to experience. There’s got to be more to life.”
And that’s led you on a path of exploring dimensions, exploring alternative methods, exploring a different version of God. But along the way, it still got diluted and it still lost its passion. And if there’s anything that you didn’t discover this year was the passion. I’m not just talking to you, I’m talking to everyone.
Who cares about a bucket of actually not-so-dirty water, it wasn’t too bad. Who cares? Do you know what it would have cost to replace this carpet if it went bad, which it’s not going to? It’s like holy water, (laughter) a lot of it. It’s incidental. Even if it cost a thousand or five thousand dollars, even if you say, “Adamus, that’s so obnoxious that you would pour the water over this” – my stage – “over your new stage, that’s so obnoxious that you do that.” Sometimes I have to get my own passion going so perhaps I could ignite yours.
My dear friends, you say you’re tired of the old ways. You’re tired of this long twisting, twisted spiritual path. I say bring up the Kaiko. Bring up that passion, but it’s going to bring up your issues. And I’ll tell you right now that you’re going to negotiate, you’re going to compromise, you’re going to say, “Okay, I’ll walk out the door and have a little bit more passion,” and by tomorrow morning you going to have forgotten about what we’ve talked about today.
EDITH: Oh no.
ADAMUS: Yes. Patterns. Patterns and probabilities. Patterns.
ADAMUS: No. Tell me then, what is going to change that, Edith?
EDITH: Why would I forget about it? I listen to it every night when I go to sleep. I never forget it.
ADAMUS: Yes. Good. You never forget any of it?
EDITH: Not usually.
ADAMUS: Not usually. And you don’t compromise it?
EDITH: I’d have to have you define what you mean by compromising it. I …
ADAMUS: Dilute it. Water it down. Yeah. It’s like …
EDITH: We’re on this path. We’ve been on it a long time. We love it. We chose it. We …
ADAMUS: What am I Moses?
EDITH: We love ourselves. (laughter) Yes, you’re Moses. We love ourselves. I mean …
ADAMUS: And it’s been more … you know, Moses and the Jews, only 40 years. We’ve been doing this for lifetimes.
EDITH: I know that.
ADAMUS: Let’s stop wandering in the desert. It’s time to get on with it.
EDITH: I’m not. I know I’m God also and I love myself. So hush up.
ADAMUS: (chuckles) Good. You’re getting there. That was about a two on a scale of 100. It’s like “Shut up Adamus!” Good. And then we can laugh. And then we can relax into the enlightenment.
My dear friends, I am wanting you to break through, because I can feel you want to break through. There’s such a longing to break through, such a longing for realization and simplicity. But then you run in circles. You think about it. You dilute it. You water it down. You compromise it. Then you get afraid of things like are you going to get older? Are you going to die? Are you going to be poor? It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter. And let me play it the other way.
You’re going to lose everything on the way to enlightenment. And you thought you lost a lot. You’re going to lose everything unless you take a deep breath and you let this raging fire that’s within you come forth. You don’t have to worry about chopping off people’s heads. You’re not going to do that. But give yourself permission that you can if you want to. (Adamus chuckles and some audience laughter) I mean that metaphorically. In other words, the fact that if somebody is giving you crap, stop being some nice airy fairy spiritual new age makyo person. Say, “Fuck you! I’m a Master. I want better service, now!” (audience applause) Instead of “Oh! I’m going to spread some light on you.” It’s like “Shut up!” (more chuckles)
You know, there are a lot of people that are content with just dabbling, dabbling, dabbling into spirituality. You’re not here for that. You’re not. I’ve weeded out those people a long time ago. (Adamus chuckles) You’re not. You’re here for it now. But when I took a look at the Discovery Series – we covered a lot of things – we did a lot of wonderful things – I said, “Adamus …” Get that dirty pail out of here, off my stage. (some giggles) I said, “Adamus,” I said to myself, “Adamus, what did we miss? What didn’t we do? There’s something …” You ever have that? You just know there’s something, but you don’t know what it is? Well, I knew what it was.
So I said, “It’s the passion. I just don’t feel a passion. I don’t feel that fire coming up. I know it’s there. I don’t feel it coming up.”
Now, I’ve been ranting and raving for the last 28 and a half minutes about Kaiko to demonstrate a little bit, because if I had just said, okay, there’s a nice term called Kaiko, mmmmmm. (a few chuckles) I want you to understand. I want you to feel that within yourself. It’s there. You don’t have to go real far to look for it. You just have to give yourself permission to let that come up.
Forget about if you’re going to get angry. It doesn’t matter. So what if you get angry. Forget about if you lose everything. So what. That’s Kaiko. So what if you lose everything. A few of you might actually be ready for that. And you know what? You don’t have to. You just have to be willing to. It doesn’t mean you’re going to. You just have to be willing to.
When that passion comes up, that will free you.
Kaiko Merabh
So I’m going to ask you to feel into it. We’re going to do a little merabh. We’re going to play some music for fourteen and a half minutes and I’m not going to hardly talk at all. So John can actually put the music up a little louder. This is not typical merabh music. In other words, it’s not just twinkly little music. (someone gets up) I’m sorry, the bathrooms are closed. No, no, no. Please sit down, because that’s Kaiko. You have to pee so bad. So bad, yes.
HEATHER: It’s raining out!
ADAMUS: So, so, just – but come back and sit down. You’re going to miss this amazing merabh. What’s more important?
HEATHER: I’ll come back!
ADAMUS: What’s more important, dry pants or your enlightenment? (laughter)
Take a good deep breath, and let’s bring the house light all the way down. Take a good deep breath.
So the music that I picked is not typical merabh music, but also it doesn’t have to be loud and driving. It’s got a little bit of sensuality to it.
(music begins; “Liquid Groove” from
I’m going to ask you to feel into this fire, the fire of Kaiko. Deep within. It’s there.
It’s that thing that says, “Only the freedom, nothing else matter.” No excuses. No compromises. No holding back.
(long pause)
You don’t have to get angry to let this Kaiko come through. Sometimes it helps. You just have to be real.
Feeling. Aware.
As the music plays, I want you to just feel for a moment how much you’ve covered this up. This fire. This passion. And then instead of just thinking about it, I ask you to make a choice, a decision, a clear, focused decision.
Are you ready to let this deep inner longing, this Kaiko, the desire for freedom, come into your life?
And then let yourself feel it.
(long pause)
Kaiko. It’s a burning fire within, a burning deep passion within, a longing, an insatiable thirst within.
It’s a passion.
But it can be a fire that doesn’t burn, a fire that doesn’t destroy; a fire of transmutation out of complacency into passion; a fire that moves the energy that’s been stuck for so very long; a fire that burns through the mind, but without burning up the mind; a fire that opens things that have been closed for a long time; cool fire when needed to be cool, a hot fire when it needs to be hot.
Kaiko can be passion. It can feel like anger at times. But it’s focus. It’s real.
Kaiko at times can seem like a raging storm, but in reality it’s also a gentle light rain shower.
Kaiko can seem like there is so much passion, but without the need for power; so much energy, so much desire, but no greed. Simply that desire to live and to feel and to be free in doing so.
How easy it is for one who walks the spiritual path to get filled with complacency.
How easy it is for one on the way to enlightenment to distract themselves, dilute themselves, deceive themselves, forget that fire that’s deep within, that longing. Longing, what some of you would call the longing to go back Home, but it’s really the longing to be Home – to be your Home.
How easy it is to get covered over by all of the rules and the controls and the perceptions of life.
How easy it is to negotiate yourself away from enlightenment.
The Masters, the few Masters who have come before you have all gone through this experience, thinking, believing, perceiving that they were on the path, and, indeed, to a degree they were. But along the way they turned that beautiful spiritual path into a very human road. All the time thinking they were still traveling a spiritual path until something so drastic, so enormous had to come into their life.
And it wasn’t an outside hand or being or entity that came in and totally shook their life up. It was their own Kaiko, that deep inner desire. It had to rip them – rip them away from their complacency, away from their delusions, away from their, you could say, a laziness.
That Kaiko, Kaiko doesn’t care. Doesn’t care whether you’re still incarnate in a physical body. It doesn’t care how much money or how many problems you have. It doesn’t care, all the whinings and the rantings of the human.
Kaiko is that passion – passion of the soul to feel and experience itself. Not to be interfered with by that little human brat. Not to be controlled by these aspects that know not what they truly want.
Kaiko is a fire that is eternal. You’ve done a grand job in suppressing it, ignoring it, turning your back from it, but it’s still there.
Just as much as it can be that very hot flame, very chaotic, it can also be the cool flame. It can also be its own gentleness. It can also be its own gift.
Your Kaiko is asking you right now, this deep longing within is asking if you’re ready to move forward now, ready to move forward even beyond reality and perceptions, ready to move into your deep truth.
Take a moment to feel.
It’s there. Are you ready to do whatever, whatever it takes?
(long pause till music ends)
It’s the hot flame or the cool flame – bring the house lights up – hot flame or the cool flame. It doesn’t care. Whatever it takes. It’s just a matter of you making a choice. You making a choice. You’re ready to bring back this passion. Ready to open it up.
If you make your choice, that’s it. But please, do make a choice. Don’t just think about it. We don’t need to come back next lifetime and be doing this again.
And no matter what choice you make, either yes you are ready or no you’re not, don’t worry about it because, well, all is well in all of creation.
Thank you. Thank you. (audience applause)