THE CRIMSON CIRCLE MATERIALS
The Discovery Series
SHOUD 11: “Discovery 11” –
Featuring Adamus Saint-Germain, channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe
IMPORTANT NOTE: This information is probably not for you unless you take full responsibility for your life and creations.
* * *
I Am that I Am, the passionate Adamus
of Sovereign Domain.
Welcome. Welcome, dear friends.
Welcome to Shaumbra Island where you can relax into your enlightenment.
Someday you’re going to talk to
me. You’re going to say, “Adamus why didn’t you just tell me back when, back
right after Tobias left, why didn’t you just tell me I could relax into my
enlightenment? Why did you let me go through all of this hell, all of this hell?”
I’m going to say, “My dear friend, I told you time and time again, relax into
It’s natural. It’s actually … well,
easy is not the right word. It’s natural. (Adamus chuckles) It will happen.
It’s happening right now as we speak. You relax into the enlightenment.
Now, today I’m going to talk about
some things that may seem to be a contradiction, but they’re not. It’s all very
So take a deep breath and just
relax into the enlightenment. Ah.
Allowing the Light Body
Last month we talked about the
light body. It’s an essential part for any Master to have that body in which to
experience this great thing called embodied mastery. Have you noticed in this
past month or so, or weeks, I guess it has been, have you noticed that you just
feel like you need an extra shower? You feel a little dirtier than normal? You
just feel that even if you put on brand new clothes, you just don’t feel clean,
Try going shopping for new
clothes, as dear Linda does all the time, and you’re standing there in that
dressing room experience. I’m with you in a way. I’m not peeking, but I’m with
you. (laughter) And you’re shedding your regular clothes that you wore to the
store, and you’re trying on those new clothes, but you just don’t feel right. They
feel too clean and you just don’t feel clean enough. Well, it’s just part of
the light body integration, because your old physical body is releasing
tremendous amounts of Old Energy right now. It’s coming out through your pores,
your skin, through every part of you. If you notice maybe your hair feels a
little different or your eyesight or anything, these are just some of the
points of transitioning into the light body.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s
not. It’s just releasing lifetimes of old, Old Energy that you’re ready to
release. You’re ready to let go of.
So take that extra shower, if you will,
but just more than anything, take a deep breath and allow your light body.
And yes, we’re going to be talking
be talking about … Sandra? Are you asleep? Have you forgotten Adamus? Coffee?
With cream? (a few chuckles) I know you’re so enthralled by our discussion, but
Memoirs of a Master
So, my dear friends, I’m writing a
few new books right now, and the one that I’m most excited about, because it’s loosely
based on your experiences – my experiences with you – it’s called Memoirs
of a Master. Yeah, interesting. It’ll be an easy ready for many people. It’s
not going to be a particularly long book, but it’s going to be filled with interesting
and very profound stories about our engagements.
So let me tell you one of the stories
today. I’ll do this occasionally at our Shouds and in our gatherings. So if I
could get audience lights down for just a little bit of mood setting here. Ah
yes. Much better.
So Memoirs of the Master, stories
about the Master and the student.
So the new student who had only been
in the Mystery School for a few months finally had the appointment to come
before the Master. The new student had heard stories about what it was like to
go before the Master, filled with anxiety, but also excitement, knowing that
when the appointment with the Master came, that it meant that the student had
reached a certain level or degree of enlightenment, success you might call it.
So the new student by the name of
Henry – Henry Smith – it was his day; a young man, very into spirituality
and enlightenment, but in a way very innocent, very naïve. So it came time for
Henry to approach the Master – the Master, of course, sitting in his chair
with his cup of coffee. (laughter as Adamus makes a face because his coffee
isn’t there yet)
And Henry approached the Master, a
bit nervous, of course, but more than anything excited, because, well, this
would be like getting a report card from when you were in school. Getting an assessment,
having your review with the Master. (Linda brings his coffee but pauses off the
Approach. (Linda brings the coffee
and bows down at his feet; much audience laughter and some applause; he takes a
sip) Adequate. Adequate.
So … (chuckling) Henry approached
the Master who was now drinking his coffee in the chair, and Henry said to the Master,
“Master, how am I doing? It’s been a few months and I’ve been working so hard
and trying, being so diligent with everything here at this Mystery School. Master,
how am I doing?”
And the Master sat back in his masterly
way, eyes closed, and said, “Student” – for the Master never addresses the
student by their real name – “Student, it is not for me to measure or judge.”
Of course, Henry was a bit disappointed
because he really wanted an evaluation from the Master. So Henry took a deep
breath and collected his energy and thought of a new way around this, and said,
“Master, Master, would you check with my spirit guides and ask them how I’m
And the Master took a deep breath
and gritted his teeth a bit and said, “Student, you have no spirit guides. (some
chuckles) You had spirit guides and they were with you for many, many, many lifetimes.
But, Student, they got bored and left.” I thought it was funny. (laughter) My
book may not be a best seller. (more chuckles)
Now, Henry was getting very discouraged
and very disappointed, but Henry was determined, like all students are. All
students so determined but sometimes so naïve, so not getting it. So Henry
collected himself once again, took a deep breath and said, “Ah, Master, how do
the archangels feel that I’m doing?” (some chuckles)
And the Master sat with his eyes closed
for a long time, slightly, slightly just shaking his head, took a deep breath
and said, “Student, the archangels are all busy, because there are so many humans
now who are channeling archangels. (laughter) Except for Raphael. We don’t
understand why nobody wants to channel Raphael.”
ADAMUS: “But there is no feedback
from any of the archangels.”
Now, Henry was very, very disappointed
by now, discouraged, distraught. Felt that there was a game going on and he was
being played with. But the student was so determined, so stubborn in a way and
he took a very deep breath and said to himself, “This is just a game the Master
is playing with me. He’s trying to see how determined I am. I’ll go at it one
more time again.” And the student said, “Master, how does God feel that I’m
doing? Would you please check with God?”
The Master took a deep breath and
said, “Just a moment” and went into a trance-like state of being. And after a
few minutes he came back and he said, “What was your name?” (some chuckles) And
the student said, “It’s Henry. It’s me, Henry.” Master said, “Give me a moment.”
And the Master, acting it out of course,
waited for a while and then suddenly came back, opened his eyes, looking
directly at the student and saying, “God does not know you exist.” (there’s
silence, then Adamus mimes “Funny”; some chuckles)
The student walked out
discouraged, distressed and distraught. The next morning packed all of his
belongings and left the Mystery School. He now operates an ashram where they
work on the voice and connection to Spirit, of course. (a few chuckles)
So after that encounter with the
student, the Master was at the Embodied Masters Club that night, when some of
the other Masters said, “So, how did it go with Henry the student?” And the
Master said, “Not well, at least not for now. Not well at all. The student
still does not realize one of the most basic tenets of enlightenment.”
And the other Master says, “Well,
how goes that? What do you mean by that?” And the very wise senior Master said
to the others, “Because when one does not recognize themselves, Spirit does not
recognize them either.”
That is the greatest gift of
compassion that Spirit can offer. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.
When you do not recognize your own
existence, when you rely on others for measure, for assessment, to know whether
you’re doing right or wrong. When you do not see yourself through your own eyes
and hear yourself through your own ears, Spirit doesn’t recognize you either.
Spirit doesn’t know you exist until the moment you know you exist, you see.
So that is one of the chapters
from Memoirs of a Master – somewhat true stories, loosely based on my
experiences with Shaumbra.
LINDA: Ohhh! (some chuckles and
ADAMUS: These aren’t the type of stories
that are necessarily going to have people cheering and applauding during the
story. But my point is to do these stories and get the “Hmmmm. Hmmmm, now I get
Okay, so we don’t know when the
book’s going to come out, but I’m sure it’s will be, hmm, interesting.
Pop quiz time. A pop quiz is
something we do at the spur of the moment with Linda running the microphone to
the audience. It is to check, to assess, to see where you’re at, to see the
type of replies you give.
So today’s subject in our pop
quiz, in our in-the-moment quiz here, has to do with reality versus perception.
~ 1st Question – Reality
ADAMUS: Ohh, oh. An interesting
one, reality versus perception.
So Linda, be ready at the microphone.
You can be walking as I ask the question. (some chuckles)
Is it reality or perception that
less than five percent of the humans on the planet control 95 percent of all of
the wealth? Is it reality or perception? Five percent control the majority, the
vast majority of the wealth on the planet, yes or no, reality or
KAREN (woman): Reality.
ADAMUS: Would you mind standing?
ADAMUS: Reality. Why would you say
that? Based on …
KAREN: My own experience.
ADAMUS: Your own experience. Okay.
Good. Good answer. And Linda’s indicating, for everyone, please hold the microphone
up to your face. Yeah.
ADAMUS: Good. Okay. And there are no
right or wrong in this. The point is reality or perception.
It’s actually perception.
Perception. The fact indeed is that there is a very small number of people or families
or governments – or businesses rather – that control the majority of the
finances on the planet. However, however, it’s a perception. It’s a perception
as well, because just because she might have a lot of money – let’s
say she has 20% of all of the wealth in the world – does not mean you
can’t have wealth or you can’t have wealth or you can’t have wealth. There’s no
limit or cap to the amount of wealth that this planet can have, whether it’s in
terms of your financial instruments, natural resources or pure energy. There’s
no cap on it.
There is the perception that
certain people control it and other people can’t have it. There’s a perception
that there is a limited amount of financial abundance on the planet, and that
perception people get stuck – I cautiously use the word “control” – that these
five percent or less control.
They don’t control at all. They have. They have. They have it; others
don’t. There’s nothing to say that you couldn’t have it, that you couldn’t have
it, you couldn’t have it. Nothing at all, and no matter how much they might
want to control their number of their percentage points, their number of
dollars or euros in the bank, they can’t. They can’t.
So my dear friends, the reality
is, yeah, that’s kind of the way it is right now, there’s a few who have more
than others. But there’s nothing to say that each and every one of you could not
have exactly what you chose and more so what you allowed.
So reality versus perception, ah.
Next. Next question. In North
America and Europe there is more pollution now than there was 15 years ago
– reality or perception?
DAVE (Crash): Yes.
ADAMUS: Yes. Based on?
DAVE: Based on scientific data.
ADAMUS: Good. Based on perception.
Absolutely, there is less pollution than ever before in the last 15 years in, I
said, North America and Europe. There’s a lot of new technologies that are
reducing the amount of emissions. There is much more concern about the
environment from the water and the air standpoint. Even though there are more
people, more vehicles, more machines than ever before, the level of pollution
is going down.
Now, globally not necessarily,
because there are …
DAVE: Like China, India.
ADAMUS: … other countries that are
adding a lot. But I specifically said North America and Europe.
So the reality is actually not and
the perception is, generally when I ask this question, people say, “Oh yes, it’s
I point this out because this
matter of perception, making a statement without actually really knowing the
facts, sorry to say, but also believing that all these evils, all these terrible
things are being done without looking at actually what is being done.
Now, at the same time, while there
is a huge interest in the environment, because you all realize that this planet
with its six billion humans can really only handle about ten and you’re rapidly
approaching that number. So there has to be more concern about the ground, the
air, the water, the animal kingdoms. However, it’s also subject to a tremendous
amount of control and manipulation.
It’s a fertile feeding ground for
those who are into control, and often without really even knowing anything
about the subject – not referring to you, of course, Dave, but to others
who are environmental fanatics – and using numbers, using information
that’s actually not true. It’s a type of control. It’s just one more thing that
I add on my list of hypnosis and mass control.
Actually, it is getting better in
many places; other places they have a long way to go. They’re harming
themselves, their own people, and there’s really not a consciousness. But particularly
in Europe and North America, there is a
consciousness and it is changing
things. Perhaps not fast enough, what you would like. Perhaps there are still
those who don’t have the consciousness of this planet, of this body that you
live on, but it is coming. But also at the same time be aware of your perceptions
– what’s real, what’s not, what’s control or what’s hypnosis and what’s not.
Next question along the same
lines, is there more or less crime right now than there was 15 years ago – major
crime – more or less?
DAVID McMaster: (pausing slightly)
Well I don’t want to take a trip to the bathroom. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Feel free. (Adamus is
DAVID: And my sense is feeling
ADAMUS: Less. Any particular
reason for saying that?
DAVID: Yes. Increased
consciousness in the world that’s happened, especially since Shaumbra has come
on the scene in the last 15 years.
ADAMUS: There you go. There you
go. Yeah. Thank you. (audience applause)
There sometimes is the feeling
that there’s more because of things like the Internet and news and blogs and
the very, very rapid communication, but in what you call the more developed countries,
there’s actually less crime. You’re correct.
In other places, once again, crime
is still rampant, but consciousness – consciousness will be the thing that brings
that to a better balance.
Now, while I say that, there is less
statistical crime in most of these places than there has been 15 years ago.
However, at the same time there’s more potential for what you would call catastrophic
crime, terrorist type attacks. And with the sophistication that what you call
terrorists, those who don’t regard other people’s lives, those who would kill
large numbers of people for their own personal cause, there is more potential
than ever before for that to happen because of technology and because of
determination that they have.
So there’s kind of a constant cloud
of fear that hangs over, particularly with you, and you listening online,
because you can feel that. You can sense. It’s almost “When is the other shoe
going to fall? When is the bottom side going to drop out?” You feel that like
in the pit of your stomach or sometimes in your heart or throat area – “What
It’s a difficult way to live,
always worrying about what next, and I ask you simply to take a deep breath and
live your own life as best you possibly can, as consciously as you can. Not
even trying to stop those who would have their political, religious or
financial agendas, but to live your own life in the highest form of embodied
mastery. That is what will make the biggest difference on this planet. That’s
what will add the element to consciousness that’s missing in so many places.
As I’ve said over and over again,
the greatest thing you can do for this planet, actually for this universe,
actually for all of creation, is to be the Master that you truly, truly are.
So let’s take a deep breath with
We could go on and on, but my
point on this is reality and perception. There are so many perceptions. When
you really start looking into it, the perceptions don’t necessarily match the
reality. But I guess one could say that everything, no matter what, is
So I ask you to look at your own perception – your
perception of the world, your perception of your place in the world, your
perception of enlightenment, your perception of what it takes to allow the
enlightenment, the embodied enlightenment. There’s still a lot of perceptions
right now that you have to work hard or suffer, that’s engrained in that little
room, almost like a tiny little closet in the house of human consciousness. A
little tiny closet stuck way off on the side has the word “enlightenment” barely
legible on the door. And in that little tiny storage place, this is where the
basis of enlightenment or consciousness is. It’s very close also to a much,
much larger room called religion and another large room called philosophy. But
in this little tiny, tiny closet stuck over on the side, a consciousness of
enlightenment, what that is.
Now, we played the game before in
our gatherings and our workshops where I say, “What is enlightenment?” And after
doing that for a number of years, I stopped asking the question because there
were really no good answers. No … well, there were some bad answers, but very
few good answers. And ultimately the real answer is it’s a feeling.
Enlightenment can’t really be defined. I guess you could define the net result
of enlightenment, what you get as the human part – a better life, a healthier
body, more happiness, although happiness is a really bad perception. [I could
say] some funny things about happiness.
But this whole thing of
enlightenment is about perception also, a perception of what you have to do. In
this little closet hidden away are a few of the known Masters who have achieved
enlightenment, but their stories, as we’ve talked about, are not so good.
They’re filled with suffering. They’re filled with hardship, a lot of
loneliness, a lot of angst, and at the end perhaps you could say a total
breakdown or death. Not such a good perception to have.
I ask you to take a look at that
the reality and the perception of enlightenment. I ask you to take a look at
then the feeling that you have about enlightenment. It’s this thing that is
above all other things in most of your lives. The most important thing, the
reason you came here to this planet. But yet there’s still an odd perception
about it – a perception of how hard you have to work and all of the philosophical,
religious and spiritual studies that you have to do to get there, and such a
feeling, so often a feeling of being incomplete, unfilled, unsatisfied or
just not knowing the answer; the perception that there’s still something wrong,
there’s still something you haven’t figured out.
Many of you go to bed at night
saying, “There’s still something I’m not getting,” like this is a test or this
is some sort of maze that you have to get through. Still saying to yourselves,
“What is it? What is it? I’m just not quite there.” Days that you feel you’re making
some progress, so to speak, but so often saying, “What am I not doing right?”
The thing that you’re not doing
right is thinking about enlightenment – your perception of enlightenment, your perception
of what needs to be done and what you’re going to be like in enlightenment.
My dear friends, there is really
nothing that you have to do other than allowing. But that’s perhaps one of the
most difficult things that a human will do, because there’s such a tendency to
say, “I need to keep working at something. I must have to do something like meditate or chant or douse myself in
oils” or one thing after the other. There’s part of the human consciousness
that just can’t accept the fact that you can just allow the enlightenment. You
don’t have to force it. You don’t have to work at it. It’s not a game of power
You don’t have to push it. You don’t
have to wrassle with it. It’s not something that the demon or even the
darkness, or even Satan is keeping from you. The darkness, your darkness
actually is hoping that you’ll allow it, because it will free that darkness. It
will free that suffering and that deep wound within.
So perception, reality, perception
and the reality of enlightenment. As the Ascended Masters would say, the
perception of enlightenment, so far from what it truly is; the reality of
enlightenment, so very close, as in right here, right now.
Okay, let’s take a deep breath.
~ 2nd Question – What
Have You Discovered?
This is our last channel,
gathering in the Discovery Series. So the question is today, with Linda at the microphone
once again, the question is in this Series, this past eleven series, what have
you discovered? And I will need the writing board up here, if you wouldn’t
mind. What have you discovered? And Linda, anybody.
We’ve had this Discovery Series.
In a way you chose the title, not me. What have you discovered? And it can be
something, what you would say, happy or sad, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. But
what have you discovered about yourself? Thank you gentlemen (to Larry &
Sart who brought up the writing board). Carol Merrill (a game show host) and
his assistant. Good. Yes.
What have you discovered, Edith?
EDITH: I have had lots of very
excellent reminders that I Am that I Am, and that I Exist and that I am a
creative grand Master.
ADAMUS: Sounds good. What does
that mean? (some chuckles) Let’s bring it into that funnel. Let’s distill it
and give me about less than ten words. What have you discovered?
EDITH: I Am that I Am.
ADAMUS: Good. And you’ve discovered
EDITH: Well, I’ve had reminders.
We’ve been working on it forever.
ADAMUS: Yes. Yes we have! (laughter)
Oh yes! Where did the reminder come from?
EDITH: You. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Did it come from you?
ADAMUS: Did you ever wake up in
the middle of the night and go, “Yeah! I finally get it.”
EDITH: No, I sleep very well at
ADAMUS: Okay. (some chuckles) Let’s
try this from a different angle. Have you ever been driving down the street,
down the road during the middle of the day and suddenly, “I get it! I Am that I
EDITH: Well, I already knew that.
ADAMUS: Oh. Okay. Good. And what
did you discover about living it this
EDITH: (sighs) Too much to talk
ADAMUS: Okay. (Adamus chuckles) One
EDITH: Well, eh … (she pauses)
ADAMUS: Be careful. You’ll be in
my book Memoirs of a Master. (Adamus chuckles) Edith, you’re an icon.
EDITH: I’m like David. I don’t
want to go to the restroom.
ADAMUS: Yes. We could go together
if you want. (Adamus chuckles and some audience laughter) Edith, you’re an
EDITH: I just had good reminders.
I … um … because I don’t know what to tell … I mean, I can’t say I don’t know.
Let’s see, um … I just …
ADAMUS: We’re teetering right on
that natty edge. (laughter)
EDITH: It brings …
ADAMUS: We’re teetering.
ADAMUS: Joy. Thank you. I was just
about to say, “Say anything!” (more chuckles) This is a very, very true
statement. The Master – when the master is in doubt, when the Master can’t
think anymore – just fake it. Make up anything. Say anything. Joy. I love it.
Now, does it feel good to say joy?
EDITH: Yes. Yes!
ADAMUS: And did you discover any
joy this year?
EDITH: Much joy.
ADAMUS: Thank you! See how easy it
is. Two words. Much joy. Okay. (he sighs and writes on the board) “Much joy (much
talk).” Okay. (a few more chuckles) Good. You’re in my book. I do change the
names, yes. Yeah, but not yours. (Adamus chuckles)
Good. Next. What did you discover
SHAUMBRA 1 (woman): Hi. I
discovered my soul.
ADAMUS: Ooh. Where was it?
SHAUMBRA 1: Ah, ha, ha. I started,
like, connecting with it, and then suddenly one day I just realized I felt like
I’d been sleeping all my life …
ADAMUS: Ah yeah, yeah.
SHAUMBRA 1: … and I felt like I
was waking up.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Both of which are
true. Yes. Yes.
SHAUMBRA 1: You know, and began to
ADAMUS: What language does your
soul speak to you in? Spanish or French? (she chuckles)
SHAUMBRA 1: No.
ADAMUS: Most souls speak French,
you know. I’m, you know, I’m a little biased.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a
ADAMUS: A feeling.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a sense.
ADAMUS: Okay. Yes.
SHAUMBRA 1: It’s more of a
knowing, you know.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Yeah.
SHAUMBRA 1: And then it kind of
like I’ve been breathing my soul into my body more and more and more, and I
feel I’m beginning to integrate, and I’m really – I’m very excited. It’s like
suddenly I feel that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that it
is possible that I will become enlightened in this life.
SHAUMBRA 1: And you know what, I …
ADAMUS: What would keep you from
that? You say light at the end of tunnel, but you know what?
SHAUMBRA 1: What.
ADAMUS: It’s – well, it’s not a
train, but it’s … maybe there’s another tunnel and another light after that.
Maybe that light is just, you know, like a street light type of thing.
SHAUMBRA 1: I don’t think so.
ADAMUS: Are you sure?
SHAUMBRA 1: Oh, I’m sure. (she
ADAMUS: Because … haven’t we gone
through … we. Haven’t you gone through this before? A lot of light at the end
of tunnel, a lot of getting close, but …
SHAUMBRA 1: I have never been through this before.
ADAMUS: Okay. I like the way you say
that. I love that passion. You – brrgg!
– stopped me.
SHAUMBRA 1: Yeah.
SHAUMBRA 1: And, you know, I
really want to take the opportunity to thank you, because you …
ADAMUS: I’ve done so little.
SHAUMBRA 1: No, you have! You
really, you have guided me through this and thanks to you I’m beginning …
ADAMUS: Oh gosh! It’s just all you
doing it. (laughter as he acts all modest)
SHAUMBRA 1: So, and not just …
ADAMUS: Oh, it’s all you!
SHAUMBRA 1: Not just me.
ADAMUS: I can’t take any of the
SHAUMBRA 1: But like much of
ADAMUS: Award! (Adamus pretends to
give himself an award; laughter)
SHAUMBRA 1: So it’s a whole bunch
of us, and we’re beginning to like …
ADAMUS: Oh, that’s all right. You
don’t need to say more. (more chuckles)
SHAUMBRA 1: Anyhow.
ADAMUS: Okay, “Adamus.” (he writes
“Adamus” on the board; audience applause)
SHAUMBRA 1: (chuckling) Thank you.
ADAMUS: Thank you.
SHAUMBRA 1: Can I get a hug from
ADAMUS: Sure! Anything else?
SHAUMBRA 1: Oh ho, ho.
ADAMUS: A kiss, a kiss. (they hug)
Thank you. Good. We have to … a Master laughs. Has to laugh. Has to laugh.
Next. Same question. What have you
discovered this year? Good, bad, ugly, anything. What have you discovered?
SUE: I’d like to tell the story this
morning in front of the mirror, and a part of me said, “I want to be a rock
star, just like Edith.”
SUE: You know. (laughter and some
applause) And …
ADAMUS: Look what you’ve created
for yourself, Edith. Now there’s people all over the world watching you right
now and they love you. I’m very serious. They love you Edith, because you
represent so many, the questions and the perils, but yet the breakthroughs and
the beautiful innocence about this awakening. They see what you’ve gone through
and they’ve seen the ground that you’ve broken. So truly, you are an icon and a
rock star. Yes. (more applause)
SUE: So then the response that
came was I Am.
ADAMUS: I Am.
SUE: I Am.
SUE: I Am.
SUE: And it’s like, oh, to my …
ADAMUS: Have you really felt that this year?
SUE: Yes. Yes. And I laughed and
it was like, yes, I get it.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Good.
SUE: I get it
ADAMUS: Because there is the I Am
that I Am. (he says it blandly)
SUE: Eh-eh. No.
ADAMUS: And then there’s the I Am!! And then you want to say words,
not because they’re nasty, but it’s just like “F---! (laughter) Gah! Why didn’t
they tell me this before?! I Am!” And
then suddenly it’s like this whole recording plays at sonic speed through your
mind and into your body. And you’re like, “Oh! I remember when Adamus was on me
about speaking in my voice, about saying ‘I command you to serve.’ I thought it
was so stupid at the time, and now I get it. And I remember when Adamus was
saying ‘I exist,’ and I thought, well I thought that’s the dumbest thing ever. My
dog exists. You know, what am I saying ‘I exist.’ Now I get it!”
SUE: I Exist.
ADAMUS: “I get it!”
SUE: And it’s nice to scream in
the car. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: It is. It is. Excellent.
Okay. Two more. What did you discover this year? Yes.
KERRI: I discovered … I discovered
that I matter, that I can love myself and I don’t need anything outside of myself.
KERRI: Well, it’s better than “I
don’t know!” (laughter) I came up with something!! (laughter and some applause)
ADAMUS: You discovered how to get
around my questions. That’s a good one.
KERRI: I, I, ohh …
ADAMUS: So (writing on the board)
“Adamus times two.” Times two. You’ve discovered. Great, and that’s an accomplishment.
KERRI: What was the accomplishment?
ADAMUS: Getting around me. Instead
of saying, “I don’t know” and having to go to the bathroom.
KERRI: I won’t do that again. I
took so much shit from the ladies.
KERRI: They were disappointed in
ADAMUS: Yeah, no pun intended, but
ADAMUS: Yeah. Good. So you discovered
how to at least …
KERRI: At least.
ADAMUS: … stand in front of a
Master. You’re in my book also.
KERRI: Oh really?
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah.
KERRI: Your favorite, huh?
ADAMUS: Yes. Oh, I didn’t say …
KERRI: That’s a lie. Don’t lie.
ADAMUS: You made me say that.
KERRI: Right, right.
ADAMUS: You understood how to
stand up to a Master.
KERRI: Hell, yeah.
ADAMUS: Yes, and therefore …
KERRI: I stand up to you.
ADAMUS: And therefore stand up to yourself.
ADAMUS: Yes. To … could I be very
KERRI: Oh god, yeah, that’s fine.
ADAMUS: Oh god. They should just
You’ve learned – and still
learning, still practicing, but you’ve learned – to stand up to that bratty
little girl …
KERRI: (whispers) Oh fuck you.
Okay, but yes, thank you.
ADAMUS: … within. And you’ve
learned not to let that aspect run you …
KERRI: I told it to shut – S.T.F.U.
– on the way here. I said that.
ADAMUS: You can say it out loud.
KERRI: Shut the fuck up already.
ADAMUS: Thank you.
KERRI: That’s not mine.
ADAMUS: No, but …
ADAMUS: But that’s what it took
for you, to finally say, “No more, I Am” and not let that little spoiled very
hurt little brat keep running your life.
KERRI: Okay. Thank you.
ADAMUS: Thank you. (some applause)
But doesn’t it feel good …
ADAMUS: … to say …
KERRI: I knew I was the brat and
spoiled. I didn’t …
ADAMUS: No, no, no, no. Stop.
KERRI: I’m not anymore.
ADAMUS: That’s right.
KERRI: I knew that …
ADAMUS: That aspect that was running
your life. That was actually – that spoiled little brat – was actually scared
to hell of life, scared of what the next moment was going to bring. Scared to
be alone, but yet always miserable in the company of a lot of others …
KERRI: Jesus Christ, just keep it
coming. Just let it all out, you know. (laughter)
ADAMUS: Jesus is somewhere else today.
He’s off on another thing. It’s just you and me.
But it’s such a discovery to
finally say, “I don’t need that anymore.” And, my friends, it’s not other people
in your life that are driving you crazy; it’s yourself. It’s not family members
or friends. It’s you and you that are
driving yourself crazy.
And, first of all, it takes a
certain clarity to recognize that ‘you’ is many, many things. There are many,
many aspects; that ‘you’ isn’t this just foggy, big kind of a mess of all these
different emotions and feelings and thoughts and direction; that you have many
different facets or rays of yourself, but don’t let the facet or the ray,
particularly if it’s a dysfunctional ray, of yourself run the show. It’s only when
you discover that you’re going to run the show no matter what.
Now, you have tremendous determination,
tremendous drive and stubbornness, and you’re finally using that instead of letting
it being used by this aspect. And that’s when things in your life are going to
change, my dear friend. You can talk about perhaps not doing your life’s passion,
what you really want to do with the people that you want to do it, with the
level of abundance, because you’ve been letting that little brat run things. No
KERRI: Do you know how many women
in here are going, “Finally, he told that bitch what I wanted to say!”
ADAMUS: (laughing) Well, men too. (laughter)
KERRI: Yeah, exactly! Finally!
ADAMUS: But more so the men, I
KERRI: Oh well, they …
ADAMUS: Stop nodding, gentlemen.
(more chuckles) Good. Excellent. Thank you. Oh, some breakthroughs here.
KERRI: Thank you.
ADAMUS: Yes. Last one. What did
CAROL: The convergence.
ADAMUS: Convergence. Good. I like
that one. And what did you discover about it? What converged?
CAROL: So, to describe it, if
there were two paths and they’re coming together, so the human on one and the rest
of myself on the other one. But the paths are coming together. The first thing is
you become aware there’s another path, but you’re aware they’re converging. And
you don’t have to run over to get on that path or have that … they’re going to
come together. Now, they are so close, close enough that you can hold hands
with the other path.
CAROL: It’s so great!
CAROL: And at first it was you
were holding hands in that realm. But no, now you’re walking as a human. You’re
like “Hold hands with me on Earth walking here.” That’s how close. So the point
of being the one is it’s right there, and so when you say relax, because it’s
not like, “Okay, I have to do something, bah, bah, bah …”
ADAMUS: Right. Oh, there’s a
tendency to think that.
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah.
CAROL: So much stress on you. But
you just say, no, it’s natural. It’s converging. You’re even holding hands. So
what’s the problem? You’re arriving at that point together.
ADAMUS: Yes. Question. When are
you going to stop holding hands and make love?
CAROL: Yeah! That’s what I want to
know. But then the mind! The mind! (Adamus chuckles) If I start on that and
don’t relax, the mind – “What do I have to do? How do I do that? Why don’t I
love myself? Why am I not already enlightened?” And then, “You are already enlightened.”
I’m like, right, right. So, but when is it realized here on Earth? But don’t
ADAMUS: I think that’ll be another
chapter in my Memoirs of a Master.
CAROL: Chapter? It’s a whole book!
ADAMUS: You know, “From Holding Hands
to Making Love.”
ADAMUS: And taking that, allowing
that big step.
ADAMUS: I’m talking about loving
yourself, of course.
CAROL: Yourself. Exactly.
ADAMUS: And you can hold hands for
a long time, but after a while it’s like come on, you know.
CAROL: Yeah. That’s – you know, come
ADAMUS: All talk, no action. Yeah.
CAROL: Okay! (they chuckle)
ADAMUS: All thinking no
CAROL: How about at least
ADAMUS: Yes, yes.
ADAMUS: Excellent. I love that. I
love that story. Good.
~ 3rd Question – What
Do You Wish You Had Discovered?
Okay, next question, and this is a
leading question – leading you and leading into the next segment. What do
you wish you had discovered that you didn’t? What do you wish you had
discovered but you didn’t? Hm. Ah.
ADAMUS: (whispers) Make it up.
Fake it. (some chuckles)
JANE: I wish I had discovered what
I discovered sooner.
ADAMUS: Yeah. I like that. I like
that. Yes. Kind of Zen-like. Yeah. Yes. Wish you had … how much sooner?
JANE: Lifetimes. (Adamus chuckles)
JANE: Because I would have enjoyed
life a lot more.
ADAMUS: Ahhh! I love that. I love
that. You warmed Cauldre’s heart. He’s got a big wart over it though. (a few
chuckles) Yes. Not because there’s a race, not because you’re trying to beat
others to enlightenment or anything, but you could have just enjoyed life a little
Now, you’ll actually look back and
say, “Well, that kind of was fun, all those crazy things, all that wacko
moments and all the stress and the fear.” But kind of, in a warped way, it was
kind of fun, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it. Yeah.
ADAMUS: True. And, but yeah, at a
certain point, it just gets old. It just gets boring.
Part of the … human life offers so
much, but part of the challenge is it tends to get into patterns, into ruts and
repeat itself over and over and over. And then people say, “I don’t know how to
get out. I don’t know.” And then they just wait and nothing happens other than
you’re building a bigger rut. And it takes a very brave, bold, outrageous,
courageous human to say, “No more. No more. I’m done with it.”
Now, what happens is you say ‘no
more,’ but then a weird thing happens is the human self, little self, kicks in
and says, “Well, now I have to do something.” No, you already did it by saying ‘no
more.’ When you really mean it, when you really, really mean it – “No more”
– it changes your entire, you could say, your quotient or your ratio of
consciousness; the amount of consciousness that you’re able to tap into and use
in your everyday life. That is like a great big magnet that attracts energy. It
brings energy in that automatically changes all of these things in your life.
Now, a lot of times the little
human says, “Yeah, but it didn’t happen – snap
– like that.” Well no. Sometimes it does it in a graceful way. Sometimes a
lot of other energies in a lot of other dimensions and also with a lot of other
people have to realign. But the true Master takes a deep breath and says, “My
job is done. I had that deep commitment. I said no more, and therefore I expect
that everything is going to change and I don’t have to do anything other than to
enjoy my life.”
ADAMUS: So great. So please, yes, enjoy
JANE: Yes. Thank you.
ADAMUS: Absolutely. Thank you. (applause)
What would you like to have discovered
in this Discovery Series? Because you still have the opportunity. We’ve got about
47 minutes left to discover it. What do you wish you had discovered? (the next
person grimaces when Linda hands her the mike) She’s only the messenger with
Could I stop for moment, because
you were going to be thinking here too much. Could you just feel the energy for
a moment? It’s almost tingling. It’s so beautiful, so real in here and
hopefully everybody watching in as well. Yeah. Okay.
SUSAN: I wish I would have discovered
my freedom sooner.
ADAMUS: Freedom. Hm. And what
would you have done with it if you had discovered it?
SUSAN: Anything and everything.
ADAMUS: Good. Any reason why it
took so long?
SUSAN: Old stories, old patterns,
old habits, old …
ADAMUS: Old shit.
SUSAN: … chains that I was still
buying into it.
ADAMUS: Also taking care of a lot
of other people.
ADAMUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s a
tough one, taking care of a lot of others. It’s called delayed enlightenment. “I’ll
wait until I got everybody else taken care of.” Well, all you’re going to do is
attract more needy people in your life with that kind of perception. And you’re
going to be taking care of a lot of folks and really delaying, procrastinating
or whatever, your own freedom. And ultimately that’s what enlightenment is – freedom.
I refer to the higher self or the golden angel or whatever; it’s really just
the Free Self, and the human as kind of the little self, the trapped self. And
the funny thing is you can be either one just by taking a deep breath and
But most people won’t. They won’t
take a deep breath. They’ll think about it. They’ll think, and then they’ll
want to consider, “Well, let’s see. My little human self, my Free Sel- …” They’ll
get into this mental quagmire and they’ll never do it. They’ll think they did.
I’ve had people that have come to
some of our Shaumbra gatherings in this lifetime that in previous lifetimes
thought they made a choice. And then they’re angry with me because they say, “Well,
it didn’t happen. It didn’t work.” And – another chapter in my Memoirs of
a Master – but, well, you actually never made a choice.
“Oh,” they say, “Yes they did. I
made a choice. I made a choice for abundance.” It’s like, no. You thought about
abundance and you maybe dreamt a little bit of abundance. But your perception
was that everybody else had the money and you didn’t, and you weren’t free and
they were taking advantage of you. So you never really made a choice. You
thought about it, and you kind of thought how nice it would be, but then you walked
out the door of the Mystery School, of the class, whatever it was, and went
back to your old ways.
So freedom. It comes with making
SUSAN: Mm hmm.
ADAMUS: So I’m glad you’ve … it’s
a hard thing letting other people go. Truly hard and I truly understand. Having
them take responsibility for their own lives. And you’ve been – you, all of you
– have been so programmed into having to take care of others and of course look
out for everyone else first. It’s a very, very old but strong dynamic on this
planet. And there’s a feeling of guilt when it says, “No. Take care of you. Spend
the money on you. Take the time for you. Love you.” And then there’s this
immediate thought that comes in, “Yeah, I’ll do that a little bit more than
I’ve been doing.” It’s like, no, you do it fully or forget about it, because
otherwise you’re going to be miserable. You’re going to be trying to take care
of others. You’re going to be trying to take care of yourself and failing at both.
Do it all out. Thank you.
SUSAN: Yeah. And now I’m … a lot
of new things are starting to open up for me since I’ve made that choice and
I’ve left my old life. New passion is bubbling up inside of me and new opportunities,
new doors opening, abundance. You know, I … you know, I’ve got it made.
ADAMUS: And then the thought is “Why
didn’t I do it this sooner?”
SUSAN: Mm hmm.
ADAMUS: “Why didn’t I?” Yeah. And
the tough one is, the other part of that is that you start doing it and the abundance
comes in and the opportunities and everything else. But it can be a little lonely,
because most of the people that you associated with are still in that other
dimension, that other consciousness. It’s a little lonely, but that’s changing
as more and more people are calling themselves on their makyo and understanding
when it’s real distraction and finally just allowing their freedom. Absolutely.
Freedom is still the biggest
issue facing this planet. Biggest issue, and people talk about the word
freedom, but very few really understand what it is. They think freedom is the
ability to shop at one store versus another or have this kind of job or that
kind of job. That’s not freedom. That’s not freedom. Freedom is loving you,
taking responsibility for you and just allowing. Yeah. Good. One more.
What do you wish you had discovered
this year but you hadn’t?
KATHLEEN: (pausing) I discovered
my completion grounded right here, loving myself completely and enabling my own
self to shine.
ADAMUS: Good. What didn’t you discover?
KATHLEEN: So I don’t …
ADAMUS: What do you wish you …
KATHLEEN: A tantra partner.
ADAMUS: Tantra. Oh, that’s good.
Yeah, tantra partner.
KATHLEEN: Somebody to share with energetically.
ADAMUS: Yeah. Any volunteers?
(some chuckles) They’re all too shy. (Adamus chuckles) No that’s actually very,
very good. You know, this was about discovery and it was … we got into talking
about the body and the biology, to have a partner to share that with –
So part of the issue is that I just
addressed over here was the loneliness, a bit of it, because there’s still not
a lot of beings who are ready. So much of sex is about energy imbalances, I’m sorry
to say, or inadequacies. But so often it’s not a free sharing. So much guilt
associated with it. So many hang ups.
So, I do have a partner for you
though. I …
ADAMUS: She’s holding the microphone.
KATHLEEN: I do know that. I own
that, for myself.
KATHLEEN: But yeah, to still have
somebody physically present in a close proximity to share with.
ADAMUS: Yes. Might as well.
KATHLEEN: I do totally love me.
ADAMUS: Yes. It’s so important. So
important. And the breakthrough there, the discovery there is that one can only
truly engage in open free sharing of the physical and spiritual on that level when
one loves themselves openly and freely. Good.
LINDA: So Kathleen is saying that
she’s single and available. By the way, she is on Facebook with Crimson Circle.
ADAMUS: (chuckling) Yeah, somebody
will probably start a Shaumbra tantra. Yes. So thank you.
Let’s take a deep breath as we
move into the real core, the real …
ADAMUS: Linda thought we were
done. No, no, no. We’re just getting warmed up. Let’s get into the real core of
what we’re here for today.
This was a Discovery Series and a
lot of you discovered different things, a lot of it still mental. It’s still
floating around up here – “I Am, I Exist” – but you haven’t felt it. You
haven’t really experienced it to the point that it would be like making love to
yourself. It would be like a mass physical, spiritual and mental orgasm. And if
you didn’t discover that this year, well, you’ve got about 36 minutes left to
Part of the issue, challenge
perhaps, is mediocrity, complacency, thinking about enlightenment rather than
being in the passion of it. There is a word that I’m going to be putting in the
Shaumbra dictionary, a word that may sound a little familiar. The word is Kaiko,
also spelled or pronounced Kaiho (ka-ho). But I prefer Kaiko because somebody’s
going to take the word Kaiho and make fun of it and turn it into something.
Yeah, you. (Linda’s laughing and audience laughter) I don’t have to be psychic
to know shortly after she’s says, “Doesn’t that sound a lot like a-hole?” (more
laughter) So just for you I had to create a new word, Kaiko.
LINDA: Okay-ho. Okay-ho. (she
ADAMUS: Kaiko. Kaiko is passion. Kaiko
is deep and meaningful. Kaiko is almost explosive. And what so many of you
didn’t discover this year, in spite of all the wonderful things you might, is Kaiko.
Kaiko is that passion that is within
you, but you cemented it over. You’ve sealed it up. You put steel doors on it.
You’ve hidden it. You’ve suppressed it. You put it down and then you thought too
much so that it seemed to vanish.
Kaiko is that deep underlying, that
passion that goes so very deep that you’re afraid to let out. (speaking very
passionately) Kaiko – deep inner truth. It’s a lion that’s roaring, but you’ve
learned how to suppress it. You learned how to put it down, turn it into a
kitty cat at best. And then say that you’re spiritual, say that you want
enlightenment, when all the time, because you’ve suppressed Kaiko, you end up
focusing on things like abundance and partners and your damn health and
You have hidden this Kaiko, this
deep feeling, because if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here. You’d be out
dancing in the parking lot while the rest of everybody sat in here. You would
have so much fire and passion and enthusiasm that you couldn’t contain it,
hardly contain it in that body. The Kaiko would drive those demons out of your
mind, those aspects way from you; that deep passion. But instead you’ve settled
for complacency, mediocrity in enlightenment.
“We’ll take a few steps each month
along the way. We’ll learn a little bit more. We’ll discover a little bit more,”
and I say hell no. It’s about letting that passion out, letting it come forth.
There shouldn’t be anything in
your life that’s more important than your freedom and your enlightenment. Not
your job, not your family, not your children, not your health, not your status,
not any awards on your chest. Nothing
is more important, to the point where I say it’s like I used to literally take
students at some of the Mystery Schools, grab them by their hair, which I won’t
do right here, grab them by their hair and yank them down, putting their head
underwater until they were about to have the last breath in this lifetime. Then
I’d pull their head up from the water … you used to be able to do this before
lawyers. (laughter) I’d pull their head up from the water and I’d say, “What
was that like to want that breath so desperately, to go beyond the mind trying
to figure out what was going on and what lesson I was trying to teach. What was
it like that desperation, that determination for a breath? That’s the only
thing that mattered.” And they would say, “Yes, that’s all that mattered. I
could think of nothing else. Only to breathe so that I may live.” And I said,
“Now, you’re beginning, at the very beginning of understanding Kaiko.” That
passion, that roaring passion that’s so deep within each and every one of you,
but you’ve somehow managed to hide it.
I have to give you credit for
hiding it so well. Something that is that encompassing, that is that big and
that roaring. I give you credit for somehow managing to suppress it. But you
know what? It’s still there. It’s still there. And that’s what you should have discovered
this year. That roaring, screaming passion for your own freedom, because God
only knows how long it’s been since you’ve had freedom. How long it’s been
since you were happy with yourself, content with yourself. How long it’s been
since everything just happened in your life with synchronicity, with ease and
with grace. But yet you go along month after month, year after year and
lifetime after lifetime in a form of spiritual complacency.
I often wonder if that complacency,
that mediocrity with yourself, is worse than no consciousness whatsoever. I
wonder sometimes if it’s better not to stay asleep consciously until you’re
actually truly ready to wake up, because what steps could be more miserable
than little ones into enlightenment.
Those little steps are the ones
that hurt, that are painful, that cause all these emotions and feelings and
confusion. That mediocrity, that putting up for something less than full
freedom and enlightenment is what’s making the path and the journey so difficult.
None of you have to tolerate that.
There’s nobody controlling you. And if you think there is, take a look at your perspective.
There’s no one stopping you from enlightenment. There’s no one holding you
back. Not even mass consciousness, not at all. It’s complacency. It’s
willingness to just plod along.
My dear friends, it hurts. It’s
painful. It’s painful for me to watch. It’s painful for me to have to come up
with new antics every month to try to distract you, to try to get something going.
Kaiko is a passion that will have nothing else other than its own fulfillment.
I ask you to take a good deep
breath and feel into that. Let it come forth.
Well, that was pretty miserable.
(a few chuckles) Let’s try that again.
Kaiko or Kaiho means deep longing –
deep longing, soulful longing – a longing so deep and so strong. It’s desire
and passion. It’s not the greed of human nature. It’s not simply wanting a better
life. It’s wanting this freedom or not to live at all. Not to live.
And how many of you have been so
bold and courageous to say, “I do not care about living another moment if it’s not
in freedom. I don’t care if I die.” And you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t. The freedom
should be more important than all of these rules and regulations and complacencies
and thinking and what if. “I would rather die in this moment than live another
moment in limitation.” That’s how it should be, but none of you that I can see are
there yet. You think about it. You think you’ve
made a decision and a choice about enlightenment and freedom, and my dear
friends, it is so thin. It is so without passion. It is so into thoughts and
thinking, into pondering things and into plodding, into compromising, into complacency.
It is much easier for me to look
beyond the deeds of humans who are not awake, who haven’t had at least a taste
of Spirit and of freedom. Much easier for me to overlook their imbalances,
their weaknesses than it is for me to look in the eyes of some of you who know
better, who have been sitting in these classes for ages and ages, who call yourselves
teachers, who think you’re spiritual, but yet where’s the Kaiko? Where the deep
roaring fire from within where nothing else matters? Nothing. And it’s only
when you get to that, will you understand enlightenment and freedom.
Other than that it’s a game. It’s
a game that you can play for a long time. Thinking that you’ve made a choice,
thinking that you’ve made some sort of discovery, when indeed, you’ve just dug
yourself a deeper hole. You’ve just glossed over, painted over, shellacked over
this true, true inner passion called Kaiko. Nothing matters other than that.
Not family, not life itself, not health. Nothing. That is when you start to get
real with yourself.
That’s where we don’t hear a lot
of makyo in this room. That’s when there’s not a lot of words without … do you
feel sometimes the words without feeling? The words without meaning? Like
mimicking or parroting, saying something because, well, you know, you think
it’s the right thing to say.
With Kaiko, if I challenge you,
you’d get back up and you’d say, “Fuck you Adamus,” and I would feel it, and
then I would stop pestering you. With true Kaiko, you would be dancing. You
would be shining. You would be shining. You would be roaring. You would be up
here right in front of me saying, “Adamus, let’s move forward. I’m tired of all
this talk. I’m tired …”
LINDA: Adamus! Let’s move forward!
(audience cheering and applause)
ADAMUS: Thank you! Thank you!
Freedom. (he says blandly, then chuckles)
Freedom. (blandly again) No it’s FREEDOM!
Like THAT!!!! (audience yells “Freedom!”)
I hear that now and I hear your
big words, but when are you really going to mean it? I hear, “Oh yeah, freedom.
Fuck you, Adamus.” But when are you really going to say it? And when are you
going to say it to yourself? Ah, it’s one thing to tell me to fuck off, but to
tell yourself. (a few chuckles) To tell yourself …
KERRI: I did.
ADAMUS: … with passion. Kind of,
KERRI: No, really.
ADAMUS: No, kind of not so much.
KERRI: No really!
ADAMUS: It was suppressed. It was
hidden. It was, it was …
KERRI: Fuck you! I did say it!
Okay! I said it.
ADAMUS: That’s that little girl
screaming at me. I want to hear you
scream at me.
KERRI: What do you want me to say
now? (Adamus sighs) Shut the fuck up already!
ADAMUS: I like that. I like that!
And didn’t it feel good?
KERRI: It feels great. I love to
say that. S.T.F.U. (Adamus chuckles) I really like to say that when I’m
drinking and smoking at the same time. That’s living.
ADAMUS: Okay, somebody get her a
beer and a cigar. (laughter) Up here. (he calls her to the stage)
ADAMUS: Come on. Come on. Come on!
(someone shouts “Woo!” and applauds)
KERRI: You really, like …
ADAMUS: Yeah. Okay. So now – Kaiko.
KERRI: Kaikoooo!! Kaikoooo!! It’s got
to be like karate chop. Kaikooo!
ADAMUS: It kind of is.
KERRI: I saw me doing that like
ADAMUS: Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Just
KERRI: I just did it.
ADAMUS: No, really do it.
KERRI: (she kicks up her leg) Kaikooo!
Kaikooo! Haiyah! (some laughter and applause)
ADAMUS: There was some passion in
KERRI: I have been missing that. I
know I’ve been missing that.
ADAMUS: I know!
KERRI: I’m like, where the … is
ADAMUS: Could I be …
KERRI: It’s like this little tiny flame.
ADAMUS: Could I be honest with you
KERRI: Oh god, yeah.
ADAMUS: In a way, you’re kind of
like a … I’m going to step off this stage so you don’t kick me. (some chuckles)
In a way, you’re kind of like the poster child for …
ADAMUS: No, for …
KERRI: Being totally dysfunctionally
fucked up? Or … (some chuckles)
ADAMUS: Geez. I wasn’t going to
say that, but now that I think about it. (more laughter)
KERRI: I accept it!
ADAMUS: Well yeah! That’s it! Kind
of the poster child for one who has had a lot of accomplishments in the past –
past lives – even some in this lifetime; a poster child for one who deludes themselves.
Deludes themselves in terms of like spreading yourself too thin and there’s no
substance. There’s no depth. You have tremendous capability. You have tremendous
ability to focus.
Focus is one of the angelic senses.
She can be the poster child for focus. But what does she do? Unfocuses, dilutes,
spills all over. So there’s no focus.
And you …
KERRI: (speaking to someone in the
audience) You wish. You’re glad it’s me, aren’t you? I see it on your face.
You’re like, “Oh shit! I’m glad it’s her.”
ADAMUS: Yeah, you’re next. You’re
next. (some chuckles) So you defocus and then you tell yourself you got too
many problems and life’s been too tough and you don’t know what to do. You tell
yourself all the time “I don’t know.”
KERRI: I know. I do.
ADAMUS: And then you hope I didn’t
hear. I do. I keep score. You’re going in my book.
What you lack, my dear, is one
thing – a little passion.
KERRI: Yes! We need a tub. I’m
ready. Like hold my head! I’m tired of this shit! I don’t want to do this two
ADAMUS: We’ll just go in the …
KERRI: Get a tub!
ADAMUS: Yeah, thank you. We’ll
KERRI: I don’t care about the makeup.
Let’s just throw down.
ADAMUS: We’ll just go in the
KERRI: Okay. (Linda and Sandra are
looking for a bucket) That’s got mesh. It won’t hold water.
ADAMUS: We’ll go in the ladies
KERRI: Linda is so ready to videotape
ADAMUS: Ladies room in the toilet.
KERRI: Not the toilet, Linda! Not
the toilet! (more laughter) I won’t go there.
ADAMUS: We need a remote camera to
follow us in the toilet as I dunk her head.
KERRI: No, not – no, not the toilet.
We should wrestle.
ADAMUS: Now, let me ask you.
ADAMUS: When I started talking
about Kaiko, could you feel a little something inside of you start to rattle?
KERRI: Yes, yes, yes. I was like I
heard that “Kaikooo!” (in a small high voice) really deeply within.
ADAMUS: I didn’t say Kaikooo!
KERRI: Well, you know, it travels
ADAMUS: Like that.
KERRI: Really, really.
ADAMUS: Oh! And by the way, it is
not a … it’s actually an old Lemurian term. It’s not necessarily an Asian term
KERRI: But it sounds better.
ADAMUS: It is. Do you know where it
comes from? What country of origin?
KERRI: Oh, Romania?
ADAMUS: More recent history.
KERRI: I don’t know why. Romania?
ADAMUS: Finnish, which … yeah,
yeah. So, so Finnish – deep longing. They’re filling the bucket. (laughter;
Linda’s filling a bucket)
SART: We can only find the toilet!
KERRI: She’s like, oh my god … No.
No. Like she’s really for real going to help me do that.
ADAMUS: Oh sure. Oh sure, sure.
KERRI: Now I’m scared.
ADAMUS: How deep can we go here?
(more chuckles; someone says “It’s pretty deep”)
KERRI: Like she’s …
ADAMUS: Are we able to get camera
shot once we do the … (Linda is bringing a bucket of water)
KERRI: Oh my god! You can’t ruin
your carpet. How’s my head going to fit in that?! Have you lost your mind?
LINDA: (showing the bucket to
Adamus) You want more or is that enough?
KERRI: Oh my god! What the hell?!
ADAMUS: You think I could put that
big head in here?! (laughter) No, big as in, you know, like …
KERRI: It’s all dirty! Are you
crazy? Hell no! The toilet’s better than that. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Okay. Come on.
KERRI: You would have to hold –
you would have to wrestle me. It would be fun. (more chuckles)
ADAMUS: Now, you see …
KERRI: But I’m serious. We’ll get
a big tub.
ADAMUS: Something inside of her is
waking up, and it’s entertainment. It’s funny, to a degree, to a degree. Could
you imagine drowning in that?
KERRI: Hell no.
ADAMUS: How would they explain
KERRI: I don’t know if you could hold
me down. That’s part of the challenge.
ADAMUS: Ohh yeah. (Adamus
KERRI: Like that would be fun to
ADAMUS: Ohh yeah!
KERRI: All day long.
ADAMUS: But, but – this is going
to be yet another one of my Master stories – I’m not going to hold
you down. I’m going to ask you to do it on your own.
KERRI: Heck no! Oh hell no. I’m
not doing that. No! Linda, really? On a dirty bucket? Ruin all this?
LINDA: It’s almost brand new. (laughter)
ADAMUS: That’s not so bad. Kuthumi
would tell you in India it’s much worse.
KERRI: Oh yeah. They poo and pee in
the same place they, you know, go to wash.
ADAMUS: Really? Is that perception
KERRI: Uh, reality.
ADAMUS: Okay. (Adamus chuckles)
KERRI: And you know it. Okay.
ADAMUS: So, dear Kerri, dear
Shaumbra, dear Shaumbra, that passion.
Now, we touched on it a little bit
here, but the chances are, the probability is that when we’re done with the day
you’re going to walk out that door and light a cigarette and go have a beer. You’re
going to walk out that door and say, “Well, gee, that was a lot of fun today. I
can’t wait for next month.” And then go back to your old ways of doing things.
Go back to mediocrity and complacency and excuses and allowing that little brat
to run your life.
KERRI: You just told me I got past
that. That was so last year now. I’m like …
ADAMUS: Yeah, but …
KERRI: Discovery Series five
ADAMUS: But then after you sat in
the chair for a little while, it came back.
ADAMUS: But no, no. Say bullshit! Like you mean it.
KERRI: Bull shit!!
ADAMUS: Like you mean it. Good.
ADAMUS: Okay, so thank you.
KERRI: That girl is dead.
ADAMUS: Thank you. Yes.
KERRI: No dirty bucket! (some applause)
ADAMUS: Ah. Question. The question
is does that mean you’re jut supposed to tell people off when you feel like it?
(some people say yes, some say no) How many say yes? Just let it fly. Oh! Thank
you. How many raised their hands? Okay. So we don’t have enough Adamus Awards,
but you should have brought more. So we have some – everybody raising their hand,
see Linda for an Adamus Award. Yes!
LINDA: Oh, the three of you. That’s
exactly how many I have.
ADAMUS: No, no. There’s about –
no, no. There’s 12, 15, more. (Adamus chuckles as more people raise their hands)
Let’s take a deep breath.
The question is, and it’s a very
good question, “You mean I should just tell people what I’m feeling? To fuck
off? To bite me?” In theory, in theory, yes. Otherwise, you have this regulator,
this suppressor that you have on. Otherwise, there’s no Kaiko. There’s a bunch
of excuses, and there’s a bunch of holding back.
So you can give yourself
permission to say whatever you want to say. Now, that brings up some issues – “Oh
my gosh” – because you told yourself a long time ago, “I’ll never do that
again. I’ll never speak bad again. I’m never going to hurt anybody again. I’m
going to always just try to blend in. I’m not going to create waves. I’m not
going to get angry when I get on the phone with some customer service people.
I’m not going to tell people exactly what I think.” (a few chuckles)
The reality is now – yes, I would
like you to give yourself permission to do that, I would – now, the
reality is you’re just opening yourself up. And actually if you have some anger
… you know, every student coming into enlightenment tries to suppress their
anger, but learns just get angry. Just let it out. Now, again right away you
say, “Well, what if I go and kill all these people?” Well, you’re not going to.
You’re not going to. You have too much consciousness to do that. But you say,
“Yes, but Adamus you don’t see the thoughts I have in my mind.” Oh yes I do. (some
chuckles) Yeah. That’s why I’m wearing a bulletproof vest. (more laughter)
But it’s negotiation you have with
yourself. “Well, I can’t let myself get angry” and “Enlightened people don’t get
angry.” I beg to differ with you. Every Master that’s come before you goes
through intense anger. It’s one of the five stages of enlightenment. Anger.
Anger, and then …
CAROL: So, do they beat themselves
up afterwards? No.
ADAMUS: Be themselves up
CAROL: Yeah. After they’ve done their
passion and tell people off.
ADAMUS: The question is do they beat
themselves up afterwards? Do they feel guilty? No! You know why? Because they
don’t end up doing it. They free up a lot of energy when they get into Kaiko,
when they say, “I give myself permission to say exactly and to be exactly who I
am. I give myself permission to do that without all these suppressors and
controls on myself, without this whole perception of having to control.” And
then they give themselves freedom and then they laugh. They laugh, because you
realize you have the freedom to do it, to yell at the top of your lungs at the
moon, to tell God to fuck off. You have the permission to do that, and it feels
good just to know you have that. Chances are once you realize that, you’ll
probably never have to do it or want to do it. But just to realize.
Start being real. Start being free. Get some Kaiko in your life. No, it’s not a
supplement you take. (laughter) Gawd! I just heard four people listening in on
the Internet, “Ah! I’ll write that down. (more laughter) Yeah! Kaiko, made from
natural seafood. Ohh!” No, no, no.
EDITH: Could I ask you a question?
ADAMUS: With a microphone from
Linda you can absolutely ask a question.
EDITH: Why …
ADAMUS: Doesn’t it feel good, and
next time don’t ask for permission. Just say, “Linda, give me the fucking
LINDA: You don’t want my answer.
EDITH: You won’t like my question.
I’m asking you why you think freedom has to be vulgar?
ADAMUS: It doesn’t. It doesn’t.
And by nature, you’re not. I’m not. But sometimes you have so much pent up in
you. Don’t let me pick on you, because you have a tremendous amount of pent up
suppressed energy. Trying to do the right thing, trying to, as we talked about
last month, trying to keep other people happy, and it’s all crap.
EDITH: No, just alive.
ADAMUS: Vulgar. You know, first of
all, it doesn’t mean anything. In Kaiko, you could say fuck eight thousand times
in a row and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
EDITH: It does to me. It hurts my
EDITH: It just hurts my ears. I don’t like to hear
ADAMUS: Well fuck! What’s more
important, enlightenment or some little things hurting your ears? (some
EDITH: I like the passion. And
people can be passionate any way they want.
ADAMUS: Controlled passion.
ADAMUS: My god! That’s what we’re
talking about here! (he wants to hit the backdrop in frustration but stops) Oh.
(laughter) I saw that (to the crew). Gahh! I can’t help it! (he dumps the water
of the bucket onto the carpet; some in audience scream) Like that, Edith!!! Like that!!!! (more laughter) Edith,
EDITH: Passion can be beautiful
and wonderful. It doesn’t have to be …
ADAMUS: Yes, passion can be
EDITH: … obscene and obnoxious and
wrecking carpets. It doesn’t have to be crap!
ADAMUS: That didn’t wreck the carpet.
Edith, I’m glad you’re getting mad at me. Finally!
My god! To get it out! But it takes me getting mad at you. This is not my
natural state of being to be in your face. (she giggles) But what does it
matter? How much are you going to control this whole coming into enlightenment?
EDITH: I’m in it. I’m not worrying
about controlling it. I’m enjoying it. It’s wonderful. I know I Am that I Am.
ADAMUS: Yes. Now, back to my
point. I come full circle. I started out the day by saying relax into your
enlightenment. And I said I’m going to contradict myself later on, because now
I’m talking about passion. I’m talking about Kaiko. I’m talking about that deep
EDITH: It’s great. It’s great!
ADAMUS: Yes. And I come back now
and say once you feel that, that desire that’s so deep, Edith, there’s nothing else
that matters. There’s no compromising. It doesn’t matter how many bad words or buckets
of water or pounds that you gain or years that you put on your age or bad
relationships or lack of money. None
of it matters other than the freedom.
That passion! That feeling. And I
don’t care if you have to get angry to discover it. I don’t care if you have to
scream and yell. I don’t care what it takes, including death, to discover that.
When you come back to that place, that Kaiko, then you’re free. Then you can
truly relax, take a deep breath and come back to that very thing that brought
you on the spiritual path, that knowingness that I’ve talked about before that
occurred a few lifetimes ago, that thing that said, “There’s got to be more
than what I’m allowing myself to experience. There’s got to be more to life.”
And that’s led you on a path of exploring
dimensions, exploring alternative methods, exploring a different version of
God. But along the way, it still got diluted and it still lost its passion. And
if there’s anything that you didn’t discover this year was the passion. I’m not
just talking to you, I’m talking to everyone.
Who cares about a bucket of
actually not-so-dirty water, it wasn’t too bad. Who cares? Do you know what it
would have cost to replace this carpet if it went bad, which it’s not going to?
It’s like holy water, (laughter) a lot of it. It’s incidental. Even if it cost a
thousand or five thousand dollars, even if you say, “Adamus, that’s so
obnoxious that you would pour the water over this” – my stage – “over your new
stage, that’s so obnoxious that you do that.” Sometimes I have to get my own passion going so perhaps I could
My dear friends, you say you’re
tired of the old ways. You’re tired of this long twisting, twisted spiritual
path. I say bring up the Kaiko. Bring up that passion, but it’s going to bring
up your issues. And I’ll tell you right now that you’re going to negotiate,
you’re going to compromise, you’re going to say, “Okay, I’ll walk out the door
and have a little bit more passion,” and by tomorrow morning you going to have forgotten
about what we’ve talked about today.
EDITH: Oh no.
ADAMUS: Yes. Patterns. Patterns and
ADAMUS: No. Tell me then, what is
going to change that, Edith?
EDITH: Why would I forget about
it? I listen to it every night when I go to sleep. I never forget it.
ADAMUS: Yes. Good. You never
forget any of it?
EDITH: Not usually.
ADAMUS: Not usually. And you don’t
EDITH: I’d have to have you define
what you mean by compromising it. I …
ADAMUS: Dilute it. Water it down. Yeah.
It’s like …
EDITH: We’re on this path. We’ve
been on it a long time. We love it. We chose it. We …
ADAMUS: What am I Moses?
EDITH: We love ourselves.
(laughter) Yes, you’re Moses. We love ourselves. I mean …
ADAMUS: And it’s been more … you
know, Moses and the Jews, only 40 years. We’ve been doing this for lifetimes.
EDITH: I know that.
ADAMUS: Let’s stop wandering in
the desert. It’s time to get on with it.
EDITH: I’m not. I know I’m God
also and I love myself. So hush up.
ADAMUS: (chuckles) Good. You’re
getting there. That was about a two on a scale of 100. It’s like “Shut up Adamus!” Good. And then we can
laugh. And then we can relax into the enlightenment.
My dear friends, I am wanting you
to break through, because I can feel you want to break through. There’s such a
longing to break through, such a longing for realization and simplicity. But
then you run in circles. You think about it. You dilute it. You water it down.
You compromise it. Then you get afraid of things like are you going to get
older? Are you going to die? Are you going to be poor? It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter. And let me play it the other
You’re going to lose everything on
the way to enlightenment. And you thought you lost a lot. You’re going to lose everything unless you take a deep breath
and you let this raging fire that’s within you come forth. You don’t have to
worry about chopping off people’s heads. You’re not going to do that. But give
yourself permission that you can if you want to. (Adamus chuckles and some
audience laughter) I mean that metaphorically. In other words, the fact that if
somebody is giving you crap, stop being some nice airy fairy spiritual new age
makyo person. Say, “Fuck you! I’m a Master. I want better service, now!” (audience applause) Instead of “Oh!
I’m going to spread some light on you.” It’s like “Shut up!” (more chuckles)
You know, there are a lot of
people that are content with just dabbling, dabbling, dabbling into
spirituality. You’re not here for that. You’re not. I’ve weeded out those
people a long time ago. (Adamus chuckles) You’re not. You’re here for it now. But
when I took a look at the Discovery Series – we covered a lot of things – we
did a lot of wonderful things – I said, “Adamus …” Get that dirty pail out of
here, off my stage. (some giggles) I said, “Adamus,” I said to myself, “Adamus,
what did we miss? What didn’t we do? There’s something …” You ever have that?
You just know there’s something, but you don’t know what it is? Well, I knew
what it was.
So I said, “It’s the passion. I
just don’t feel a passion. I don’t feel that fire coming up. I know it’s there.
I don’t feel it coming up.”
Now, I’ve been ranting and raving
for the last 28 and a half minutes about Kaiko to demonstrate a little bit, because
if I had just said, okay, there’s a nice term called Kaiko, mmmmmm. (a few
chuckles) I want you to understand. I want you to feel that within yourself. It’s there. You don’t have to go real
far to look for it. You just have to give yourself permission to let that come
Forget about if you’re going to
get angry. It doesn’t matter. So what if you get angry. Forget about if you
lose everything. So what. That’s Kaiko. So what if you lose everything. A few
of you might actually be ready for that. And you know what? You don’t have to.
You just have to be willing to. It doesn’t mean you’re going to. You just have
to be willing to.
When that passion comes up, that
will free you.
So I’m going to ask you to feel
into it. We’re going to do a little merabh. We’re going to play some music for fourteen
and a half minutes and I’m not going to hardly talk at all. So John can
actually put the music up a little louder. This is not typical merabh music. In
other words, it’s not just twinkly little music. (someone gets up) I’m sorry,
the bathrooms are closed. No, no, no. Please sit down, because that’s Kaiko.
You have to pee so bad. So bad, yes.
HEATHER: It’s raining out!
ADAMUS: So, so, just – but come
back and sit down. You’re going to miss this amazing merabh. What’s more important?
HEATHER: I’ll come back!
ADAMUS: What’s more important, dry
pants or your enlightenment? (laughter)
Take a good deep breath, and let’s
bring the house light all the way down. Take a good deep breath.
So the music that I picked is not
typical merabh music, but also it doesn’t have to be loud and driving. It’s got
a little bit of sensuality to it.
(music begins; “Liquid Groove”
I’m going to ask you to feel into
this fire, the fire of Kaiko. Deep within. It’s there.
It’s that thing that says, “Only
the freedom, nothing else matter.” No excuses. No compromises. No holding back.
You don’t have to get angry to let
this Kaiko come through. Sometimes it helps. You just have to be real.
As the music plays, I want you to
just feel for a moment how much you’ve covered this up. This fire. This
passion. And then instead of just thinking about it, I ask you to make a
choice, a decision, a clear, focused decision.
Are you ready to let this deep
inner longing, this Kaiko, the desire for freedom, come into your life?
And then let yourself feel it.
Kaiko. It’s a burning fire within,
a burning deep passion within, a longing, an insatiable thirst within.
It’s a passion.
But it can be a fire that doesn’t
burn, a fire that doesn’t destroy; a fire of transmutation out of complacency
into passion; a fire that moves the energy that’s been stuck for so very long;
a fire that burns through the mind, but without burning up the mind; a fire that
opens things that have been closed for a long time; cool fire when needed to be
cool, a hot fire when it needs to be hot.
Kaiko can be passion. It can feel
like anger at times. But it’s focus. It’s real.
Kaiko at times can seem like a raging
storm, but in reality it’s also a gentle light rain shower.
Kaiko can seem like there is so
much passion, but without the need for power; so much energy, so much desire,
but no greed. Simply that desire to live and to feel and to be free in doing so.
How easy it is for one who walks
the spiritual path to get filled with complacency.
How easy it is for one on the way
to enlightenment to distract themselves, dilute themselves, deceive themselves,
forget that fire that’s deep within, that longing. Longing, what some of you
would call the longing to go back Home, but it’s really the longing to be Home – to be your Home.
How easy it is to get covered over
by all of the rules and the controls and the perceptions of life.
How easy it is to negotiate yourself
away from enlightenment.
The Masters, the few Masters who
have come before you have all gone through this experience, thinking,
believing, perceiving that they were on the path, and, indeed, to a degree they
were. But along the way they turned that beautiful spiritual path into a very
human road. All the time thinking they were still traveling a spiritual path
until something so drastic, so enormous had to come into their life.
And it wasn’t an outside hand or
being or entity that came in and totally shook their life up. It was their own Kaiko,
that deep inner desire. It had to rip them – rip them away from their complacency,
away from their delusions, away from their, you could say, a laziness.
That Kaiko, Kaiko doesn’t care.
Doesn’t care whether you’re still incarnate in a physical body. It doesn’t care
how much money or how many problems you have. It doesn’t care, all the whinings
and the rantings of the human.
Kaiko is that passion – passion of
the soul to feel and experience itself. Not to be interfered with by that
little human brat. Not to be controlled by these aspects that know not what
they truly want.
Kaiko is a fire that is eternal.
You’ve done a grand job in suppressing it, ignoring it, turning your back from
it, but it’s still there.
Just as much as it can be that
very hot flame, very chaotic, it can also be the cool flame. It can also be its
own gentleness. It can also be its own gift.
Your Kaiko is asking you right now,
this deep longing within is asking if you’re ready to move forward now, ready
to move forward even beyond reality and perceptions, ready to move into your
Take a moment to feel.
It’s there. Are you ready to do
whatever, whatever it takes?
(long pause till music ends)
It’s the hot flame or the cool
flame – bring the house lights up – hot flame or the cool flame.
It doesn’t care. Whatever it takes. It’s just a matter of you making a choice.
You making a choice. You’re ready to bring back this passion. Ready to open it
If you make your choice, that’s
it. But please, do make a choice. Don’t just think about it. We don’t need to
come back next lifetime and be doing this again.
And no matter what choice you
make, either yes you are ready or no you’re not, don’t worry about it because,
well, all is well in all of creation.
Thank you. Thank you. (audience applause)