It has been almost 6 months since I left the Crimson Circle Energy Company and I’d like to share with you some of the things that I experienced since then as they are so closely related to what Adamus has been talking about in the past Shouds.

At the Midsummer Conference in Breckenridge Geoff mentioned my plans to travel and write another book and eventually start doing “new energy” consulting. This had indeed been the original plan. However, in the first two months after I left I didn’t feel any desire at all, to travel, or write, or do anything for that matter. I settled into a very comfortable and relaxed daily rhythm of hiking, gardening, biking, eating and sleeping. Even my thinking had slowed down to an absolute minimum. Everybody was laughing at me because with nothing else to do I was able to forget even the most simple tasks or assignments, like getting something for dinner.

During this time I was very much on my own and there were many moments when I was wondering if it was time for me to "check out." No, I wasn't in some sort of depression if that’s what you think. On the contrary, I never felt so aware and alive. But I also experienced that living is, more than anything, a conscious choice, every day.

Then, after a few months, I could clearly feel a deep desire to become active again. I didn't feel drawn in any particular direction; I just wanted to do things, to express myself. This feeling was exciting and challenging at the same time. If you can choose anything, what would you do? I felt like a kid in a Disney theme park: I want to do this, and this, and this, and that, oh and that is also very nice… Again it came down to choosing.

I decided to create a new company, 2Click Coaching & Consulting, to facilitate individuals and organizations that want to realize fundamental changes. I had a lot of fun putting the new website together and creating the online marketing campaign to advertise my services. Very quickly the number of website visitors started to increase and I got my first coaching client.

Another choice was to put together a workshop of my own, “Creating Abundance,” based upon the teachings of the Crimson Circle, complemented with other channeled information and my own experiences. I started to draft an outline of the workshop program and looked for interesting video clips to introduce and clarify such concepts as “living in the now,” “law of attraction” and “creating your own reality.”

So far so good and I really thought that I had everything going in the right direction. And then it happened….

I had to admit that after I had created my new company I had certain expectations and after a while I was disappointed that, notwithstanding the many visitors that came to the website each day, I had attracted only one customer in 2 months. Furthermore, I also felt increasingly bored with my daily life and to be honest I missed the “busyness” (as I write this the similarity with “business” strikes me) and the excitement, better known as drama, to which I had become so accustomed in the past 30 years. I realized this most strongly during a weekend outing with friends, all with important business positions, when over breakfast they were enthusiastically sharing work experiences. In a strange way I felt left out and jealous. This was the first time that I really understood and appreciated what Tobias and Adamus had been telling us about the addiction, or seduction, of the life we normally lead.

This triggered an intense process of reflection during which I increasingly started to doubt myself and the things I was doing. Had I become a nobody, a failure? I started to lose confidence and trust in myself as a creator. Fears about the future popped up and they became bigger and bigger each day.

It was one of the most intense, depressing periods of my life and my mind was in overdrive looking for ways out, to fix things, to no avail. Then one day, it was as if something snapped. My mind gave up and surrendered. Funny enough it was at that point that the fears disappeared and I felt a deep trust and joy, in everything, coming back. And, I stopped thinking about the future. It was a weird but liberating experience.

Perhaps you remember that the first lessons in the Creator series are about accepting all things as they are, including your human self, to live in the divine “now” moment and to trust that everything will unfold in a perfect way. I thought that I had already integrated these concepts in my life but now I really understood and experienced them at a very deep level.

In the Creator series Tobias also explains:

In the old energy way of creating, you tried to tell your outer world how to be, what to look like and what it should give you. In the new energy, you go inside with the tools of grace and acceptance and allowing and trust. As you change the vibration of your inner being with the broad brush stroke, it changes the perception and the reality of things outside your house. When there is no expectation other than divine balance you will have such an easier time in your life. Your outcomes will be so much more powerful and so much more fulfilling to you.

Another channel, Bashar (featured in the Tuning In DVD), put it metaphorically like this: If you look in the mirror and you want to see a smiling face, guess who needs to smile first?

Creating your reality this way may look simple at first, but I dare you to experience it. You may initially compare it with living like a child that is just playing every day, not worrying about what will come next and think this is an irresponsible, uninteresting or even impossible way of living. But then, just feel into this some more. Which way of creating would you prefer – the hard, “interesting” and complex way, or the simple way?

Whatever way you choose, I wish you beautiful reflections in the mirror.

Jan Brouwer spent 25 years in senior management positions in the European banking, leasing and risk management industries. He joined the Crimson Circle in 2007, first as the European teacher manager and then as the Chief Operations Officer for the Crimson Circle Energy Co., Inc. After helping to guide the company through a successful growth period, Jan left the Crimson Circle in July 2009 to continue his joy and understanding of Life. Jan resides in the Netherlands with his partner Yvette, where they are surrounded by the love of their three children, nature, dogs and horses.