I think in pictures, and sometimes finally “seeing” how something works really helps me grasp it at a new level. Thanks to St. Germain, I recently got an image of what we’re actually doing as we come to realize our Realization; maybe it will prove useful to you as well.
I truly hope you had the opportunity to participate in the recent Passion of the Merlin event. (If not, you still can, the Cloud Class will be available indefinitely.) It seems like everything is epic these days, but there was something about this event that was really epic. Maybe because it was just two weeks after the very epic Threshold workshop. Maybe it was the topper of this epic “Summer of Realization.” Or maybe it’s just the latest thing in this epically crazy 2020. Whatever it was, Passion of the Merlin felt like a turning point for Shaumbra, particularly the final time-twisting message from Beloved St. Germain. (Did anybody else feel like his 24-minute message lasted 2 hours – but in a good way?) He brought it all together, saying nothing we haven’t heard before yet, everything felt completely new. And “someone” (thank you Self) made sure I did not miss it.
Any time we do a recording event, it is always followed by varying amounts of post-production work. This includes things like final video editing, compressing and uploading; text transcription, proofing and formatting; copy writing for the store and elsewhere; pulling out extracts and editing them for the recap video, and lots of other tasks. As part of this process, I personally go through each session at least three times. A few days ago, I was working my way through the audio and text from Passion of the Merlin and came to that final message from St. Germain. But, try as I might, I just couldn’t get going on it. The phone would ring, or I’d suddenly get hungry, or the cat would demand attention, or I’d just get antsy and fidgety, unable to sit still. “What’s going on?” I asked myself.
“I need to experience this session – deeply and personally – before I ‘work’ on it,” Self replied. So, I turned off all distractions, hit play, and closed my eyes.
St. Germain talked a bit about what we’re doing, and then turned his attention directly to the human, inviting it to become aware of its own soul and the enlightenment of the I Am. Then he called upon the soul to turn and face the human, to finally understand what the human has endured – the burdens and fears, being lost and stuck, suffering in darkness and anguish – and to never again ask such things of this precious human self. It is finally time for soul and human to face each other and come back together. (My short description cannot do this message justice; you really need to experience it for yourself.)
As St. Germain was talking, I “saw” an image of what’s happening. Or rather, I felt it deeply in my bones and in my heart, my human finally understanding her role. That glimpse of understanding is what I want to share.
Imagine it’s a beautiful crisp fall day and you’re out on a hike enjoying nature. At some point you come across a small lake or pond that’s frozen over. While everything around you is pristine and gorgeous, you are overcome with curiosity and a desire to find out what’s under the ice. So, you make a hole in the brittle surface and reach in. At first, it takes a lot of determination to keep your hand in the freezing environment, but you really want to explore this, so you take some deep breaths and slowly get used to it. Your hand begins feeling around in the murky depths, reaching for treasure, exploring the unknown, wanting to understand and experience it all.
Over time your hand goes numb, both from the cold and also from the prolonged reaching, always deeper and further. Since this is an imaginary scenario, your hand can reach all the way to the deepest parts, exploring every nook and cranny. Sometimes your hand bumps into a rock or even gets bitten by something unseen; sometimes it meets another hand and grasps on in longing and recognition. Perhaps your hand, feeling so far away and separate from you, even falls in love with another exploring hand and finds it hard to let go. But the whole time you can’t really feel what it’s going through. Your hand is numb and cold, so the information just isn’t coming back. You know it will eventually, because nothing is ever lost, so while your hand is exploring the depths, you are up here enjoying the beautiful day.
And then, after lots of discovery, experience and even trauma, the time comes when you realize it’s time to move on. Time to bring your hand back out of this frozen, foreign environment and see what treasures it has found. So, for one last time you let your hand roam around to all the forgotten places it’s been, picking up the fragments of treasure and stashes of wisdom from all the things it discovered along the way. It’s remembering everything, but only bringing back the very best, after all the mud has been washed away and the gleaming prize has been revealed.
The funny thing is, my hand is not sure it’s ready to be done. It wants to do a good job, and surely there must be a few more nooks and crannies to explore, a few more treasures to gather, a little more experience to have. In fact, my dear, brave frozen hand has been at this so long it’s forgotten about me! It thinks it has been abandoned here, all on its own, and that the responsibility for figuring out the entire pond belongs to it alone. My hand has been down there so long it feels completely disconnected from me. So, I let it continue, happy to oblige its curiosity and determination. And yet, at the same time, something else is waking up and taking charge. My arm – that which connects me to my hand – knows the time has come to bring the hand back out. It’s actually the arm that’s moving the hand around, picking up the treasure and insisting to call it a day. The hand thinks it still has to get everything right, find the right treasures, believe the right things, make the right choices, even find its own way to scrabble out of this infernal mudhole. But the arm knows better and it doesn’t give up, sometimes even shaking the hand to release its grasp on some unimportant pebble.
Here we are, human “hands” trying to get it right – find the right stuff, figure out the right solutions, come up with the right answers – and all along the Master “arm” has been pulling us home, back to the awareness of the I Am Self. And with this action, the I Am is perking up with new interest in what’s going on. No longer just staring into the distance admiring the lovely day, I Am curious now to see what wonders my hand is bringing back to share. For Me, it’s been only a few moments, but I Am realizing that, for my hand, it has seemed like an eternity. It’s cold, pickled, tired and worn, but it’s still my hand, it’s still attached, and I still love it! Coming back out of the pond is facilitated not by the hand/human, and not by my un-focused and absent-minded soul, but by this rather masterful arm.
Now, to complete this experience, two things need to happen. First, my hand needs to stop fighting the return; stop holding onto the rocks and weeds and sticks it was collecting, just let go, and allow itself to be moved. If it finds itself next to a treasure, sure, it can pick it up and add it to the collection. Otherwise, the hand’s only job is to enjoy this one last sweep around the pond.
The other thing is that I, the soul – the originator and sender of the hand into the pond – need to welcome it back into MY reality. It’s bringing all the treasures, stories and wisdom from this time of exploration, but it’s me who sent it, and now I need to take care of it, dry it off, thaw it out, warm it up and let it feel my gentle breath once again. That’s all it needs. It’s time for Me to talk to my hand, my precious human self who’s gone through so, so much on my behalf, and remind her she’s finally coming home.
This entire “download” happened while listening to St. Germain for a few minutes. All at once, I “saw” the whole story, saw how all the human needs to do is allow, and all the I Am needs to do is acknowledge and really feel what’s happened. It ended all the mental games of trying to figure out who is the human, who is the Master, who is the Merlin, who is the I Am, and who the hell is calling the shots in all this. None of that mattered anymore once I understood it from this perspective.
That night, I had a very strange dream that clarified one more piece of the puzzle. It was one of those super vivid dreams that stays with you for a while, and it gave me a priceless visceral understanding. (Apologies in advance if it’s a little too graphic.) The dream was set during some ambiguous time centuries ago where I had been convicted of something and sentenced death by to crucifixion. (I know, “Eeew!!”) I was brought to the place where it would happen and allowed to make a statement to the few dozen people who had gathered to watch. Spreading my arms wide with passion, I made some grand, inspiring statement, and then cooperatively submitted to the procedure. I still clearly remember the experience of spikes being pushed through my limbs, being hoisted up and struggling to breath. In fact, I woke up just as my dream-body was gasping in suffocation.
Now, here’s the interesting thing. While I remember the physical sensations of what happened, I did not experience the pain. Pondering that for a bit, I realized it’s exactly like the difference between human and soul. Human can go through excruciating horror, fear, pain and loneliness, but the soul experiences it like a dream, calmly observing yet another weird thing that its human is doing. My “real life” self thinks back on that dream, bemused at the strange events, but with no direct knowledge of the agony endured. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I just don’t feel it.
That’s how it has been for my soul, separated somehow from my human and unaware of the acuteness of her pain and struggle. To me, this realization makes this time of Realization even more precious. Haven’t you always wanted to be heard and understood, to have someone just ‘get’ what you’ve been through and offer comfort? Your soul is eager to learn about everything you’ve experienced, that was the whole point of this, after all; you need only let yourself be known, deeply and completely, by your Self.
Now comes the time for the human to open up, to be seen, heard and felt by the soul, and to accept the inescapable forgiveness. With that openness of the human, the soul perks up, pays attention, and welcomes itself back home.
Now comes the time for you to release, let go, feel, embrace, hear and acknowledge all that you are, all you have hidden, all you have hoped for, all you have lived and all you have lost. It is time to release yourself into the grandest homecoming you’ll ever know. Nothing was ever wrong, dear human, and there’s no way for you to make it better. Nothing was ever lost, dear soul; simply talk to your hand, embrace it in love, and revel in the wisdom it brings. All that’s left to do is live.
It’s so simple.