Power: The possession of control or command over others; authority.
Power Game: A situation in which two or more people or groups compete for control in a particular sphere.
“Power is an illusion.”
This statement caught my interest when Tobias first said it (in The Illusion of Power) and every time Adamus expands on it, I am ever more fascinated, as if the secret to freedom lies somewhere between those words. But where? What difference does make in “real life” to know that power is an illusion? What good is seeing a hint of freedom if it’s not manifest?
We imagine the fall of ‘the powers that be,’ anticipating a glorious day when unseen forces no longer impose their insanity on the world. Will that finally mean freedom? We watch power-hungry politicians and cluck in distaste as they maneuver and spin their ever-changing positions. Will one of them take our freedom away? We fuss about the countless power games ‘out there’ until something happens that brings it all much closer to home.
“Power is an illusion,” we hear, and delight to imagine all the old power games fading into the dustbin of history. “Consciousness attracts energy,” we hear, and try to get our consciousness arranged just right so the incoming energy is supportive, magical, abundant and easy. “Energy serves the Master,” we hear, and proceed to measure our mastery by how well the energy appears to be serving us. And just like that, we go from truth to illusion, from trust right back to power. Let me try to explain.
In a recent Keahak channel, Adamus talked about becoming aware of where and how we get energy. This is nothing new; it’s the backbone of the Sexual Energies School, and indeed the very foundation of our personal sovereignty. But in this case, he had a bit of homework to help with the awareness. Adamus’ assignment to Keahakers was to go without food, other people and the Internet, each for 24 hours. A simple enough assignment, but one that generated some interesting experiences.
For myself, there was no problem going without the Internet; it was a welcome mini vacation. And going without the company of other people is an uncommon luxury. However, going without food – oh, yes, that stirred the pot!
Food, body issues, eating habits and choices, general biological bafflement – for me these have become the (hopefully) final frontier in this whole embodiment adventure, and I know I’m not alone. Many Shaumbra have shared with me their own confusion about how to help our biology thrive long enough to accomplish what we’re here to do. We’ve come up with countless ways to “take care of ourselves,” never quite sure if we should or shouldn’t take that supplement, vitamin or drug; if we should exercise for fitness or for fun; eat a good balanced diet (whatever that is) or live on chocolate and wine; see a doctor about that pain or just breathe it in – you get the idea! Not only are we constantly bombarded with suggestions, rules, research findings and proclamations about is and isn’t good for us, we’re also undergoing the most intense transformation ever attempted while in a body, which (in my experience) apparently means that nothing works like it does for “normal” people. My mind likes to tinker with this puzzle, and it all came rushing in with Adamus’ assignment.
In the first hours of going without food and playing with other ways to bring in energy, I felt liberated; hungry, yes, but also relieved. I was detaching from the needs of the physical human and loved the prospect of freedom from having to eat for any reason but pleasure. Could it really be this easy? Could my sovereignty be realized just by letting go of food and generating my own energy at will? Would I finally get it?
I’ve done fasts and cleanses before, pushing through many days of deprivation toward that elusive sense of wellbeing; twenty-four hours would be no problem. But something about this was different. Maybe it was … awareness. As the hours wore on and I began to feel the human’s indignation at such neglect, I became aware of something else: All this time I’d been locked in a power struggle with my body! The rules were endless – don’t eat that, do eat this, but wait till you’re really hungry and chew it well; drink lots and lots of water, but not too much wine; not too many carbs, no sugar, lots of veggies and lots of protein, whether you’re in the mood for meat or not; make sure everything is organic, you don’t want to put that extra burden on your poor body; get some exercise, but only if it makes you happy; easy on the dairy; gluten is probably bad – and on and on. Of course I didn’t call these rules; oh no, I was just taking good care of my body through wise and conscious choices! But in reality, they turned out to be nothing more than control mechanisms; power games between me, myself and I. (Gee, who’s going to win that one?)
Me? Playing power games? Oh, the irony. So I decided to toss all rules out the window and eat whatever I wanted, but only for pleasure. There were a couple days of pure bliss. Crackers and cheese never tasted so divine; preparing the family dinner was an act of reverence. And then, sneaking right back in were all the old power games. Now, just being hungry was no longer a good enough reason to eat; I had to savor it and enjoy it properly, or else I shouldn’t be eating at all! Rather than enjoy true freedom, some part of me had simply installed a new rule.
The upside was, in discovering these internal power games, I also uncovered the game players: aspects that really liked to be in control and had little regard for anything else. Power, rules, authority – these they understood. Things like trust, flow and pleasure were dangerous. Freedom? Sure, I could ‘earn’ my freedom, but only by following their rules. “Be nice, be patient, give as much as you can, do a good job, don’t be stupid – and one of these days you’ll really be free.” Seriously? (I think that’s what they call a “face-palm” moment...) Oh, and I also I found out that if you’re the mild, easy-going sort of Shaumbra who wants to see what boiling anger feels like, just pull back the curtain on the aspects that are happily keeping everything under control. They do not like to be exposed!
Needless to say, it was all rather illuminating. I realized that when I chafe against the power games in the world out there, I’m actually fed up with the ones I’m still playing in here. If I blame a lack of freedom on some external influence, I’m really just avoiding the internal constraints not yet shed.
It’s not that the internal rules were wrong. They’ve actually been quite useful, helping keep some semblance of order on this crazy ride. But at some point we have to go beyond them. Imagine an astronaut, having always lived and functioned on Earth, so accustomed to the power of gravity that it is unquestioningly taken for granted. When he finally achieves the dream of living in space, all the rules that used to be so helpful must be discarded. Living outside the ‘power game’ of gravity changes everything.
The same applies inside, where the shift is a bit more delicate and a lot more potent. It can be helpful to take a look at all the rules we live by, the ways we try to keep control of ourselves, for they are really nothing more than power games. How many hidden little dictators live inside, having ruled for so long that we don’t even notice them? They’ve gotten us to here, but now freedom is their biggest threat. They can’t imagine letting go of this rule or that rule, and therefore we can’t either … until Adamus comes along and pulls the curtain aside, offering us a glimpse of the little wizard who’s been running the empire. What don’t or won’t you do, just because? What must you always do, just because? How must you act to be like yourself? And who is really making that call?
I wish I could say it’s all been sorted out, that the inner dictator has been deposed, the monkeys are gone and Oz has been liberated. The truth is a little messier; it’s an ongoing discovery. Sometimes I think it might be nice to bypass the mess, go for instantaneous freedom, shoot off some fireworks, celebrate and be done. But then I’d miss the experiences, the stories, epiphanies and exasperations. So I allow the process, the becoming of what’s already true, the dawning of a sun already shining, the playing of a game I’ve already won. But the mud is exhilarating and the instant replays are a riot!