It’s funny how life reflects itself. You can look at two or more seemingly unrelated things and begin seeing all sorts of correlations between them. For instance, I am currently in the midst of an unfolding creation that has some clear parallels to the messy business of Realization. Both are the fulfillment of long-held dreams, whether decades or eons in the dreaming.
As of this writing, my kitchen, which I’ve wanted to update for years, is essentially non-existent. The room is empty The process of transformation is underway and some days I can very personally relate to what’s going on. The cabinets, walls, flooring and insulation have all been removed, the wiring has been rerouted and upgraded, and all the stuff that used to live in fairly well-organized cupboards is in chaotic disarray… kind of like inside my brain. Every single day I feel grateful, excited and unbelievably happy about this project and, at the same time, some other things are also true. Remodeling one’s house while continuing to live and work in it certainly presents some challenges… kind of like going through awakening and integration while staying in your body. Both are exceedingly disruptive to every facet of life. In fact, finding the internal space to write this column means I’m hiding away in a tiny room in the attic, a corner of the house slightly less affected by the dust and chaos.
A while back, Adamus said that enlightenment is like reinventing and rebuilding your car while flying down the road at 70 mph (112 kph) – not the easiest thing to do! At least my house is stationary, but oh, the disruption. Meals are cooked on top of the clothes washer. Dishes are washed in the utility sink and stored on top of the dryer. The refrigerator is at the other end of the house and it seems nothing is where it’s supposed to be… kind of like my body.
When this process began, I naively thought it would take 2-3 weeks at most, no big deal … kind of like realization – “Hey, let’s do this! How bad can it be?” What I didn’t take into consideration was all the unseen things that would have to be dealt with. Messy and disgusting squirrel nests inside the walls… kind of like stinky old belief systems I thought were long gone. Electrical wiring to be pulled out, restrung and rewired for the new circuits… kind of like my DNA, and both of which result in intermittent outages and erratic functioning. Ripping up solid but ugly old flooring… kind of like reworking the entire foundation upon which I’ve built and lived my life. Sure, all this stuff is easier to do in “new construction” rather than a remodel, but I like where I live and want to stay here… kind of like wanting to experience life as an embodied Master in this lifetime. So, regardless of the hassle, this job will continue, because I want to experience every step of the whole amazing transformation. I want to watch my dreams unfold before my eyes rather than start over from scratch… kind of like transforming my entire being while I’m still here on Earth.
In Simple Master: Allowing & And Adamus talked about “embodied death,” and I have a new appreciation for what that means. Tearing out every part of the kitchen down to the “bones” is rather like a death. It’s painful, confusing, chaotic and exhausting, and all I can do is breathe, trust and carry on. The good news? Now that the process has begun, its completion is inevitable! Yes, it took a while to get going and the completion is taking longer than I thought it would, but it’s happening. No longer just a concept, hope or dream for “someday,” the transformation – both inside and out – is well underway. You could say that the date for completion has been set… sound familiar? I may not know exactly what that date will be, but I can feel it coming toward me as surely as the sunrise. I only have to participate, because sore muscles, dust overload and weary tempers cannot obscure the magic that’s taking place. And magic truly abounds!
There are always hiccups in any process like this – unexpected discoveries, unforeseen complications, simple errors – but I’ve noticed something interesting. Any time a problem appears, and with it a number of potential solutions, the best option is always, always the simplest! It may not be the first one, in fact may take a while to manifest, but this has happened time after time after time. If a solution is complicated, I know the best one is still on its way.
There are a lot of choices to make about the flooring, cabinets, countertop and a million other little details. At first it was overwhelming, but then I noticed that when the best option shows up, I can FEEL it! I literally feel in my body a sense or tingle of resonance, or maybe something like fulfillment, when I’m either looking at the best potential or something that will lead me to it. Needless to say, it takes away a lot of the worry about “getting it right.”
Following the plentiful inner nudges has been some of the greatest fun of this whole process. A sudden feeling to stop at the hardware store found me walking past someone else’s conversation and accidentally overhearing a piece of information I needed. Feeling strangely drawn to a shop in another part of town, I finally discover the exact tiles I’d been looking for but had given up on finding. Short but helpful conversations with strangers, random moments of synchronicity, unplanned discoveries that reveal exactly what is needed – these happen with remarkable regularity.
Life feels choreographed by some master Dancer, and all I have to do is engage! It doesn’t help to try and manage the details or make sure things unfold “correctly.” My job is to be very clear on the outcome I desire – a very important word, by the way – and not worry about how it happens. It seems I’m glimpsing a taste of the Ahmyo life. To me, Ahmyo means being fully present with my Self, with the task at hand and the current potentials, and then allowing my desire – what I want, what I don’t want – to take the lead. Not my worry or duty or responsibility or guilt or expectations, but my desire. For that is what informs the energies that come pouring in to serve me.
I’ve been asked if it’s stressful to have the remodeling going on in the midst of everything else. If I’m honest, the answer is sometimes yes. But what is stress other than resisting what is? Accepting everything as it is removes the stress, because the resistance is actually what hurts, not the situation itself. Be it limited space with constant dust and mess, a tight deadline that must be met, a dream coming true before my eyes or a breath of pure stillness, when I simply have the experience without resistance, it is a moment of perfection.
This “being with what is without resistance” is, I feel, the key to the Ahmyo life. Not long ago I felt some pain around an old relationship issue. “Now what’s wrong with me? I thought I’d dealt with this,” I fumed. Too busy wishing something was different, I had forgotten about applying compassion where my heart was concerned, forgotten about “Accepting all things as they are” (a worthy enough endeavor that Tobias devoted an entire message to it). The moment I remembered to be with life as it is, the pain evaporated and I could once again see the perfection in everything that happened. Could life really be so simple – just accepting what is?
That’s not so easy for a human. We either don’t like what is and think we’ll be stuck with it forever unless we “fix” it; or we really like what is and hold on tight so it won’t ever change. But the fact is that everything always changes. Period. All the holding on and pushing away I’ve ever done has really only made me miserable. It’s had approximately zero effect on the situations and people around me, other than to muddle up the energies and entangle what could have flowed freely.
As I see it, life is change, and Ahmyo is having no resistance to that change. It is allowing oneself to be in the constant, ever-changing, ever-creative flow. You’ll still have preferences and desires – a new kitchen, for example – but without resistance it’s a whole different type of creation!
Ahmyo is helping me realize that life was never meant to be a struggle. It was designed as a grand experience for us to come play with, explore and enjoy, sort of like sitting down with friends to play a board game. But somewhere along the way we forgot it was a game and instead got the idea it was some kind of punishment or exile or, at the very least, something to struggle with and tolerate until escape can be arranged. Part of living the Master’s life is letting yourself (re)discover how fun and easy life can be.