In English, “cold feet” is a term that means “loss of nerve preventing completion of an action.” It also means “backing out,” having “doubt,” “second thoughts,” feeling “reservations” about a course of action and “chickenheart,” which essentially means coward. I’m not generally known for cowardice, usually plunging ahead with little thought of the consequences, but once in a while my chickenheart appears. And no matter what positive spin I try to apply, it still feels like crap.
A few years ago, I was hiking with a friend. We came to a creek and rested for a while on a big rock. A deeper pool swirled next to it, and soon my friend jumped in, thrilling in the cold mountain water. Not one to be outdone, I got up, went to the edge of the rock – and balked. I wasn’t afraid of the cold or the depth, maybe a little nervous about landing on some hidden rocks, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to jump or even climb off the rock into the water. It wasn’t for lack of preparation; we had planned to do this. I’d worn appropriate shoes, clothes that would dry easily, my belongings were safe. All I had to do was DO it. But I chickened out, listening to my “cold feet” instead of my joyful self. Chagrined and annoyed with myself, I promised to do it next time… except there wasn’t a next time. My friend moved away, life went on, and instead of a delightful memory, I still carry a tinge of regret. It was a good reminder that NOW is the only time to follow the joy.
I have another friend who is sort of on the fringes of Shaumbra, aware of some of the information but not terribly interested in it, and he recently asked me, “Why is there so much focus on asking people not to leave planet? Why make it such a big deal? And why do people even want to leave?” It’s definitely a hot topic among Shaumbra right now and to be honest I’m a little worried about more of us getting cold feet and missing out on the grandest experience of our entire existence. This is NOT just another lifetime where it’s fine to bug out when things get rough. There’s no penalty if that happens, but I’m sure there will be a wistful feeling of “I was so close, why didn’t I just stick it out a little longer?”
Without a doubt, nearly every one of us has considered what a relief it would be to go home to the other side – especially when the body hurts, life is hard, and weariness saturates our very bones. I personally am not immune to such musings and, while I’m determined to follow through on my commitments (specifically to be here doing this right now), sometimes I still wonder “Once Adamus ‘retires,’ what will be the point of staying?” Fortunately, every question brings its answer (when I pay attention), and this immediately comes roaring back “Now is NOT the time to leave!!” along with a tsunami of compassion and support.
Yes, we’re tired. Sooooo very tired.
Yes, Earth life is challenging beyond belief right now.
Yes, other people are great, but we just feel better when they’re not around (to quote dear Luc in the last Shoud).
Yes, we’ve basically done what we came here to do.
And yes, a party awaits whenever we arrive on the other side.
I suppose healing our (ancient) wounds and shining our (brilliant) light do provide a certain amount of motivation. But what good is all that hard work if we don’t stick around to enjoy the results?
Here’s what I am certain of: We are here to be Merlins, as in, live a magical, bountiful, sensual, peaceful, and joy-filled life. Period.
Anything else is less than our dream because – this is important – Merlin has to exist on Earth. Otherwise, it’s just another angel poofing around the universe. A very special angel with blindingly radiant colors and stupendous wisdom, sure, but still not a real magician. You’ve gotta be on Earth to engage in magic!
At best, it’s an exhausting slog to bring oneself to that magical point of equilibrium, soul connection, and creative alchemy. But when it finally happens, life – even life on this old Earth – really begins to glow. It’s enticing to wander off to the other realms but doing so as a solution to Earthly problems simply doesn’t work. That would be like running a bunch of experiments in the chemistry lab, coming to the verge of a breakthrough, and then going back to write about it all instead of actually doing it.
I definitely understand the weariness and poignant desire to go back to our natural state. In Geoff’s article (we were writing at the same time, but he was faster), he calls that peaceful completion “libero.” What a beautiful word, rich with the feeling of liberation. But until one’s own sacred time of libero comes, why not live as a Merlin in absolute ahmyo?
Energy is serving me in every single moment and it always has been. That means I’ve literally called in everything that’s happening in my life, whether I want to believe that or not. And if I’m resisting anything – whether person, situation, Facebook rule, bad traffic, body trouble or life challenge – I’m only resisting my own energy. And – this is important – dropping my body and leaving the planet isn’t going to fix that, because the whole reason I’m on Earth is to learn about my energy! Here’s a reminder from Master’s Life 11 – Living Energy:
“Freedom is when you allow energy to serve you. All energy in your life is in harmony for you. There’s nothing out of harmony. There are no accidents. There’s no bad energy. There’s nothing misaligned. There’s nothing out of tune. All energy is in harmony for you.”
No matter how much I may argue this fact, there is nothing in my life that’s not my own creation. Not a single thing. The world “out there” isn’t (think about that for a minute). The good news is that when I stop resisting what’s in my life, I start to see the magic. When I stop fighting my energy, it’s much easier to discern how I’ve been patterning it into the results I’m getting. My only “job” is to receive it all fully and completely, exactly as it is. Then Merlin can finally begin to appear – and life gets really fun!
When I don’t resist life as it is, I find it easy to become vastly present in this moment… in my energy… in the magic.
Every note of the gentle music playing as I write is like a ripple in the river upon which I’m floating…
The solid feeling of the laptop, the gentle click of the keys; I’m amazed at the instant simplicity and ease of communication…
The distant traffic noise flowing past my ears, reminding of the ebb and flow of ocean surf…
Heartbreaking news, a world in pain; my wisdom knows they’ll find their way, just as I did, and am…
The sunlight shifting across the floor echoes the radiant glow of Shaumbra across the Earth…
The persistent pain in my body reminds me to love her and listen to what she needs, especially when it changes…
Sitting with a friend enjoying the summer-ripe sweetness of a peach; this rapture is simply unavailable out there, beyond…
Observing the choices a of loved one, knowing their life will be a little more challenging now, I am also aware of the astounding courage it takes to dive so deep – and they don’t even know; they just think God hates them…
Watching a lover sleep, bedazzled at the boundless JOY that life – my energy – has unexpectedly bestowed…
Yes, the bottom line here is that, without resistance, joy permeates everything, everything, everything. This life also includes pain, frustration, sadness, and other discomforts, and being Merlin isn’t about erasing undesirable feelings from your life. But Merlin has learned to allow energy to serve in grace. For allowing, you see, is active, never passive. It is a continuing choice to allow life – and self – to be as it is, and still choose joy, again and again and again.
Sometimes the joy is subtle, almost playing hide-and-seek, but it’s always there. Always. When it’s hard to see, ask yourself, “I choose joy; now, where is it hiding?” because the more you see, the more you get. Remember the energy harmony Adamus mentioned? Joy is what that harmony feels like. It’s always there, but you have to quiet down the noise (resistance) in order to feel it. To be Merlin, to start playing with magic and experiencing the deep fulfilling joy of life on Earth, one must release the fixation on non-joy, pain, frustration, and boredom.
You see, being Merlin doesn’t mean nothing hurts. It does mean you’re on the planet though. It means you ignored those cold feet, you didn’t chicken out, and you finally noticed how perfectly everything is serving you, as if by magic.