As I write this, it’s a few short days before 2020 – a year of balance, new beginnings and Realization, according to Adamus – and I can feel it brewing. The air is permeated with a sense of stillness and anticipation. There’s a turning within, a gentle reunion that soothes every molecule of my being, and a deep gratitude to Self for being in this moment. I know it’s not like this for everyone, but the year now ending brought me many gifts and much clarity. One of the most precious realizations for me was the feeling that this intense and chaotic journey of integration is not everlasting. Getting through barriers to self-love, dealing with aspect-created chaos, choosing trust when it seemed pointless – sometimes it all felt like a never-ending slog through a mediocre life. But it’s not!
For anyone still challenged by inner demons, I assure you it won’t last forever. And if that’s hard to believe under the strain of adversity, just keep breathing and coming back to self, again and again. The smallest gesture of love for you, bravely chosen in the darkest moment, can literally change everything. Yes, the inertia of old patterns can make it seem impossible; when one has always relied on energy, acceptance and validation from others, it’s daunting to find it within. But that small, simple choice is exactly why you’re alive right now. A few other things I’ve realized this year…
I NEVER ACTUALLY HAD ANY PROBLEMS
I could write a book or three filled with the stories of my life. The themes would include abject poverty, betrayal, abuse, disappointment, heartbreak, trauma, joy, healing, reunion – all the makings of a gripping drama with a little comic relief thrown in here and there. But now, looking back from today’s perspective, I have an eerie sense that none of it was real. How is that possible? I clearly remember the stories and challenges I’ve lived through, but what comes to mind is “That wasn’t me.” Not the real me, the one that’s here now. Yes, all those trials and tribulations helped generate tremendous empathy for others going through similar things. But I keep seeing glimpses of the big picture, which is that I only pretended to go through all the hardships. Why? Maybe for the simple reason to prove it could be done.
A part of me is horrified at the thought. She wants a trophy for all her pain and perseverance. But that would be like giving a Medal of Valor to a fictional movie character. The bravery and suffering were all an act! I never got it wrong. No one ever actually hurt me. I didn’t choose poorly and certainly didn’t screw up by blundering into so many “wrong” turns. Rather, I chose all those experiences on purpose. Maybe it was to demonstrate that someone can start at the very bottom of the spiritual and economic heap and still find their way home, maybe the reason doesn’t matter. But the funny thing is, I actually never left Home, never even left my Self. I only pretended to. It was all an act. All the struggle, pain and confusion, all the friggin aspects that caused havoc in my life, all the forgetfulness and confusion, they have simply been ways to experience myself within my creation.
Take a moment to look back over your life at the difficulties, challenges and joys you’ve faced, and maybe are still dealing with. Whether you feel settled or confused, whether you’ve healed your body and spirit or feel utterly lost, every bit of it is an incredible illusion. You are immersed in a profound journey that hasn’t taken you anywhere except into experience. You didn’t need to go, you wanted to. Why? Well, look at the stories, compassion and wisdom you have gained. It is treasure beyond compare.
I know you’ve heard all this stuff before, but when you really FEEL it, something shifts inside. The fear dissipates and the seriousness fades. “It doesn’t matter” becomes an actual experience, and the certainty that all is well begins characterizing every perception. Perhaps “enlightenment” is nothing more than seeing yourself in the light of awareness and reunion, rather than the gloom of forgetfulness and separation. “Reality” doesn’t change, only your perception of it – which is everything. It’s like we took a bird’s eye view of the journey that we’d already completed and said, “I’ll start right… there. I know that route, been through it a thousand times, now I can leave the breadcrumbs for those who follow.
OUR STORIES ARE IMPORTANT
I love stories. They are ways of maintaining identity, creating reality and sharing wisdom, and these days the latter is taking on new significance for me. I recently met a new friend, someone who’s in the early stages of awakening. It’s an exciting, euphoric and confusing part of the journey, and of course my first impulse was to share all about Crimson Circle. However, with them not being interested in “joining another church” (and me trusting their inner guidance), what’s left is to simply share my own stories and experiences. The awakening humans coming next aren’t really interested in lofty inspired teachings from grand Ascended Masters. Those were for us, the intrepid trailblazers. What the new ones crave is wisdom – clear, concise and specific to their moment. They don’t need quotes from unseen angels; they want to hear about real-life experiences. They want to know – to see – that it works out, that someone has been through the jungle and survived. I can already see the relief in my friend’s face when I distill a few years’ worth of lurching through life into a sentence or two of what I learned from it. Something about the Voice of Experience is far more reassuring than dozens of invisible friends.
I recently had the privilege of several days of collaboration with the Rude Awakening team. You’ve probably heard about this amazing project (if not, please do check it out here). They are telling a collective story of the exciting, confusing, brutal and inspiring moments that come after awakening, and it’s a story that’s desperately needed right now. Remember how it felt when you first encountered Crimson Circle? For a lot of us, it was overwhelming relief that “I’m not crazy and I’m not alone.” Now imagine many thousands more who are desperate for the same reassurance. That’s why we are here, to provide the light they are seeking.
Side note: Rude Awakening has a very special place in my heart. It’s a cinematic illustration of the search and pilgrimage back to self, filled with irreverence, humor, inspiration and deep wisdom. The creators are adamant about maintaining the purity and authenticity of the message and are therefore doing a Hollywood-quality production but without the Hollywood financiers. Sometimes they don’t know where the next financial influx will come from, but when I feel into the supportive energy of Shaumbra, I am certain the project has developed enough gravity and momentum to bring the needed resources. It’s a massive leap of faith that will be landing in this reality in barely six months. How’s that for an incredible story that ALL of us can have a hand in creating?
IT COMES TO ME
I’ve been astounded at how precisely energy serves, and a little abashed at how it has always done so, even when I would never have chosen it to serve me quite like that. Energy – in whatever form I need – has perfect timing, never early and never late. It provides exactly what I can use or cope with, never too much or too little. It’s from Me after all, so whether it manifests in my life as people, events, money, challenges or transformations, it is always perfect.
Of course, it can seem quite UN-perfect if that’s how I decide to perceive it. After all, Human wants stability and consistency, Soul wants adventure and experience, so there will always be a tension. However, when I train my human to look for the perfection in everything, life takes on a flow and radiance that is astonishing. I don’t have to figure out how to make things perfect, because they already are. The key is to remember that. Talking with someone the other day about my long and arduous journey, they wanted to know if there was an easier, faster way to do it. My answer? “Yes! Take the path of least resistance.” In other words, stop resisting life and simply allow. It really is the Easy Button. When we want to change or fix what we think is “wrong,” whether inside or out, that’s when things get tough and take a lot longer. Energy is literal and it’s all yours. Everything happening in your life is a gift from You to you. If you want it to be easy, simply receive the gift, accept it and uncover the treasure.
I'M ALREADY THERE
Imagine this: We’re hanging out together with some friends in “heaven.” Curious, creative and a little bored, we decide to cook up a scheme to entertain and educate ourselves. We set everything up, run a couple beta tests, then slap on the VR (Virtual Reality) goggles and hit Play. It’s an immersive experience and we quickly forget our surroundings as the game swallows our attention. Friends sitting next to us become enemies to vanquish. Shadows of ourselves become monsters to escape. The simplest puzzles become life and death challenges. We rush and stumble through the game, die and restart countless times, cycle through frustration and elation while slowly working our way towards the elusive finish line.
Then, at some point, we stumble across something that “doesn’t belong.” Maybe it’s an experience that contradicts the whole story arc or just a niggling idea that won’t go away, but it triggers a ripple of unease. Still fighting enemies and slaying dragons, the unsettled feeling grows until we can no longer ignore it – and then the game really starts glitching. Characters around you, achievements on your scoreboard, possessions you’ve earned – they all start blipping out; right there one moment, gone the next. You start hearing voices that aren’t in the game, whispering from somewhere, “This isn’t real. Remember who you are.” Every time you hit another glitch, the whispering gets louder, “All is well.” It frustrates you, “No it’s not! Everything is going wrong!” but it’s getting harder to ignore.
The voices start talking about perception and realization and remembering, and your focus gets pulled further and further away from the endless quests, which aren’t going very well anyway. Then a remembrance begins to glimmer, something about sitting around in some celestial club, cooking up schemes for entertainment and experience. At some point, it all comes rushing in and you just stop, amazed at the dawning realization that this is all a game that you set up. And damn, you did a fine job of it! All the stuff that happened – and is happening – to your game character doesn’t matter anymore because you suddenly remember exactly where you are – hanging out in eternity with your friends. The voices swell with gentle laughter, the game slows down, and you realize that you can remove the VR goggles at any moment. Physics will change, perceptions will adjust, senses will open, and everything will be different.
A question comes up: Now that you remember, are you ready to rip off the goggles? Or do you want to play just a little longer, relishing this dual awareness, in the game but also conscious of where you really are?
The Ascended Masters Game Club. I’m already there, and so are you. We just forgot. But damn, it’s been one hell of a game!