Editor’s Note: This was shared as a personal post on Facebook by Nazar Fedunkiv, the Social Media Manager for Crimson Circle. We felt it to be a very timely, touching and important perspective.
Important: this is my human personal experience, perception, and history. I’m not up for debates about who’s right/wrong or what happened in the past, nor do I want advice or pity. I simply want to share with my fellow Travelers. Thank you for understanding.
My grandpa was a Ukrainian language teacher – for only 1 ½ years. His whole family was deported to Siberia because his dad was fighting Russians in 1918 right after WWI, during another Ukrainian attempt to gain independence. Later in life, my grandpa also was a radio operator in the Ukrainian Insurgent Army that fought against USSR.
My grandmother’s family was also deported because her uncle was a centurion in the Ukrainian Insurgent Army. He was killed by USSR policemen with multiple grenades inside his underground hideout.
All that is only 2-3 generations ago.
Just to paint a picture for you – can you imagine what my ancestors have been whispering to me for these past few days, how many layers of ancient pain and outrage I feel? I can sense them literally turning in their graves, willing to rise and eradicate their archenemies from their homeland.
This video is of the place where I spent my childhood – in nature, in Beauty, walking in fields, planting seeds, tending the gardens and animals with my family. This is my grandparents’ home. In background you can hear the song about my village I recorded inside that home one year after my grandfather crossed.
In this lifetime though, I could never grasp the endless feud between Ukraine and Russia. Every Russian I met or had contact with in this incarnation – Shaumbra or non-Shaumbra – was a perfectly fine human being. We had some similarities; we had some differences, but connection was there. I’m sure many Russian villages look and feel similar to what I’ve portrayed in my video.
I can’t get where this endless fight between countries’ elites and that weird desire to erase or assimilate Ukraine comes from.
On a very personal note, I’m okay. I’m safe physically. I left the country two months ago because I didn’t plan to go to the military, and with my M.D. diploma I’d surely have been drafted. Going to war in my last lifetime is definitely not what I choose.
Yet, these last few days were literally the worst experience I’ve had in this lifetime. Observing the horrors and the initial shock of what is happening has been unbearable.
Ninety percent of my vast extended family is in Ukraine.
My brother was stupid enough to get himself & his kids stuck in Kyiv under the rocket fire and constant attempts to capture the capital.
My parents are in the west and wouldn’t leave the country, even though I invited them to join me multiple times.
Natural Protection is a cool perk for myself, and it works. Does it stretch onto my family though? It’s one thing to let go of a loved one in a natural process of crossing over. It’s another to watch them painfully die under the bombing.
The fear was palpable. My human part was absolutely crushed.
I’ve never considered myself a patriot. I am a cosmopolitan being. I travel, I explore, I recollect. But I also immensely enjoyed coming back for a short time after each trip, back to my family, friends, my village.
Yet, this invasion triggered something new in me. I’ve sensed how all that I love from the foundation of this lifetime – my childhood, my village, nature, my culture, my language, the songs of my village (in video), my family home – all of it will be erased, deleted, eradicated as something that never existed. Or at least the erasure will be attempted. Again.
The recent Keahak session for Saturday, February 26, 2022 was the only thing that brought me solace and calm. I got it on Thursday for translation, and the timing was perfect.
While listening I was able to realize our – my – massion on such a deep and personal level that I could have never sensed before. Shining the Light in neutrality, not taking a side when your front yard is being invaded, was the biggest challenge. But eventually I arrived to that state and place, in the Eye of the Storm.
I drop from it often, seeing real-time social media stories of my friends from Kyiv and eastern Ukraine cities sleeping in subways or bomb shelters, hiding from the shelling of the cities I’ve been to so many times, witnessing the destruction, the death on both sides. But I allow myself to drop from it and feel everything I feel – the injustice, the sorrow, the hate, the fear, the tears.
This is the manifestation, the epitome of the suffering of this planet in modern times and for whatever reason I’m in the epicenter of it. I’m not going to suppress it or push it away. My human has to feel this experience fully to be able to release it, including all the ancestry and the millennia-long conflict.
Yet, underneath all of these layers I Am perfectly calm, illuminating all my parts that are in pain with my Light. A very real example of AND.
I always questioned myself: why would I choose Ukraine as my birthplace for my last lifetime on this magnificent planet? Why did I choose to take on all those centuries of suffering and endless struggle for sovereignty? Now it all makes sense.
I can clearly see how, with my Light and your Light shining, this situation has a potential of bringing something very beautiful to both countries and their people, and the entire planet – the end to the ancient feud, the example of how all power is fake and can eventually be released, along with the need for suffering.
I’m grateful to Adamus, Geoff & Linda for diving into this situation and bringing the clarity; that Keahak channel helped me tremendously in my darkest hour.
I’m very grateful to all of you, Shaumbra, who reached out with support, who offered me and my family places to stay and any help I’d need. This means a lot.
I am privileged to co-create with Crimson Circle, the company that creates the only product I care about.
A part of me feels compelled to actively assist people who are in suffering now… Then I realize that shining my Light while feeling all I feel is making a real difference. AND I can do both.
If any of you feel similar, you can choose from multiple ways to do it in this link:
The only thing I personally ask you to do – if you decide to follow reports on what is happening – is to double-check the sources you allow into your space. It’s been wild, Goebbels would be proud of the amount and inhumanity of the propaganda that split families and turn friends into enemies.
I’d normally never say anything about topics like this, but since it’s my direct experience – from within the country, my closest people, my friends - it’s pretty sad to see those comments. Everything was turned upside down completely. Duality, control and manipulation manifested with the use of technology. Honor yourself by not falling for it.
Just so you can grasp the ridiculousness of it, my Russian friend, who has lived in Ukraine for the last few years, tried to contact his parents in Russia while he was sleeping in a subway for a few nights, hiding from the constant random shelling. His dad simply rejected his words, saying it’s a lie and quoting the official line that ‘there is no war and Russian military are saving Donbas and trying to eradicate Nazis.’ They haven’t spoken since.
I love you for what you are and do, and I’m honored to bench alongside you.
Nazar finds joy in nature, traveling & spontaneous sharing of his experiences. Shining his Light – for himself & the planet – is his truest fulfillment. He can be reached via Facebook.