This is a story about my best friend, a friend who never stops believing in me or whispering into my ears any time I need encouragement or insight. This friend is infinitely patient, even helping me write my first book by projecting pictures into my mind, but their identity might surprise you. Come with me into this story, I’ll introduce you, and you will soon come to know this amazing friend as well.
I finished writing my first book in April 2016. It marked the conclusion of a three-year journey into other dimensions and into my dreams, a totally different experience than anything I ever had before. Since then, it has taken me to uncharted places and situations, through doubts and fears, unhappiness and trials, and now, at last, here I am. It is surprising, exciting, funny and strange, all at the same time.
During the International Book Festival in Budapest, one of the many events in which I participated, the book attracted a curious little boy and his kind, beautiful mother to our table. He pointed at one of the books, wanting to see it. I turned to see what he wanted, never thinking it would be my book, as its cover is not as colorful as children’s books usually are. But this little boy knew exactly what he wanted, and, as he was eight years old, he also read the title out loud for us when he realized that we didn’t believe what his choice was. (It’s interesting that, although my book is for all ages, it is not a children’s fairy tale. However, there is a chapter where a little boy appears in it, alongside with his mother, so it was like they stood in front of me in this reality. At their presence, I was shivering in all over my body.) His mother and I tried to find out why little Andrew was so fond of that exact book, but his answer was short: “Just because.” There was no further explanation, but rather an unquestionable decision. It was a magical moment.
Now, as I write these words, I fly back to my childhood and remember. There were times when I could feel such love in my heart – loving myself, the days, the birds, the sun, other children and this beautiful world. Sometimes the love was so strong that I couldn’t do anything, not even move. I could only Be, in that inner silence. I also knew that I was closer to my death every single day, yet my child soul wasn’t afraid of that, only of leaving this beauty. I simply knew: “I can love. I will be a great master. I will never die the way people think they do.” In myself, I never questioned any of these facts; I was certain, just like that little boy, but never shared it with anyone else, until now.
I could call my child self a child, but I felt the existence of a Being looking out of my eyes. (Have you ever looked at your hands, as if you are seeing them for the first time? This is something like what I felt.) This presence of me asked lots of questions and spoke universal truths back then, and because of that I felt silently uncomfortable most of the time. I had no other option but to accept that I had odd questions and knowingness from somewhere over the rainbow. This is how silence and solitude became my best friends, my guides.
In that state of knowingness and silence, I would draw and write graphic novels and poems in my room. As I grew up, that silence often gifted me love. I traveled and explored those moments, diving so deep inside that it hurt. In this way, I found love and expanded space in the roaring, deafening silence. The silence became my friend.
This friend led me to a great Master in Hungary, and to Shaumbra on the other side of the world, and from that point thirteen years ago, everything changed. The spontaneous pleasures and difficulties changed into realized experiences. With that, a great storm with pure rain reached my river of life. This storm roiled the river and added clean drops of rain to it, so my river became muddy and I had to find everything in myself, without exception. That part is not always easy, but my desire to know me better washes away every difficulty at the end of the day. When I found terms like consciousness, soul, I Am, and so on, I was even more alone with my thoughts, lost in the forest. I had found people similar to myself, and the same time I was unbelievably lonely. I went through everything simultaneously with Shaumbra, and yet by myself. If I look back now, I don’t feel sorry; rather I can see that I needed the solitude more than I imagined. Looking back now gives me different perspectives, and as I’m watching the pictures come to my eyes, I become aware that the most important things are within me, in my presence. I’m still that child and, of course, I’m even more. And now, if it is loud around me, I simply recall my dearest friend, Silence, who has shown me my past and my future. Silence is the greatest helper, whenever I allow.
That is how it happened that one day a story started to write itself through me. A story where, amongst other great beings, Adamus was a leading man. It is a story which I know helps to change the world, for it definitely changed my world, just like every word we say to ourselves, whether silent or aloud, changes our world. We are the masters of our silent river.
I hope you enjoyed sharing this loving silence for a few moments with me.
Melinda is, first of all, a human being experiencing life. She has traveled around the world, walked the Camino de Santiago, tried different professions, lived in three countries, and now lives in Budapest with her family. She has dedicated the book to her beautiful eight-year-old angel. She says, “I will never stop walking with you, because, last but not least, I’m one of You, Shaumbra. Contact her via email or Facebook.