I used to jokingly call myself a Shitty Shaumbra whenever I got a hit of that old self-doubt saying that I wasn’t doing very well on my realization or my human journey. That was until I realized that realization is such a private, personal matter that it doesn’t necessarily look like anything specific in the human realm.
Mastery doesn’t have to look similar among Shaumbra. I mean, it is ok to have a human persona and human preferences and experiences, and mastery may look very different to each of us. Think about St. Germain – he was a man that, according to Adamus, only ate rolled oats and honey (somewhere in between romancing his lovers). That’s what he preferred.
The magic to me is that now I really get to choose what my human life looks and feels like, according to my own preferences. Life used to be unconsciously dictated by unintegrated aspects, ancestral patterns and mass consciousness influence. It’s taken a bit (maybe a lot) of allowing and releasing to realize that it is truly my creation now. Whatever I prefer to experience is not only okay but sacred. The paradox is that I’ve also had to let go of control and wanting to do things my (the limited human) way.
During a Threshold workshop I attended a few years back, I had a dream one night. I was visiting the Ascended Masters club and a lady was showing me around. She told they had a nickname for me in the club: “Put the Kettle On.” That’s what they called me because I had been just around the corner from realization for a few lifetimes already and they were expecting me any day now. It started to dawn on me that I had been pretty insistent about my spiritual journey, and that the very insistence had gotten in my way, too.
The thing is, I’ve been such a purist for so many lifetimes, like I think Tobias was. Always trying to do the right thing, trying to set the world right, trying to find my way home, on and on. I lived so many lifetimes with my hands tied, giving myself the experience of having been shut out, killed or ridiculed for who I was. Of course, that was my internal experience of myself, simply mirrored on the outside. The expression “Shitty Shaumbra” perfectly conveyed that nagging old feeling that I, whether in my humanness or my spirit, should be a certain specific way. As if there was a right way.
I think letting go of this perfectionism is what Adamus is trying to illustrate in his stories about the Master having a triple espresso latte macchiato with three chocolate croissants before heading to a burger joint. Eat what you want! Dress how you like, choose what you want and do your thing, baby! I used to be afraid of losing people (who weren’t very interested in me back then and very much less now, anyway) and things (I trust everything that comes my way). I used to effort at life so much that now it’s exhausting to even think about!
Then at some point I started to realize that the perfectionism wasn’t getting me anywhere. In fact, it was really about being afraid of living. Paradoxically, as much as I was afraid of my human ego, I was afraid of opening to my soul. All along the journeys of Put the Kettle On, the whole point was to relax into my realization and laugh all the way to the bank.
My soul truly doesn’t give a damn about what I eat, do or don’t do, and whom I hang out with, if anyone. The funny thing is that when the experience of the self expands, a whole new appreciation for the human arises. Why settle for anything less than what you really prefer? If it’s not your style, ditch it. If it doesn’t resonate with you, don’t bother. The less seriously I take myself as a human – or anything for that matter – the more enjoyable and precious everything becomes.
The way I see it, a big part of the perfectionism – the worry about a right conduct of mastery or humanness – has to do with guilt and shame. It looks to me that guilt has scales and a fiery breath. Guilt is a cover story; it made sure that I kept going, trying to find something (release, shelter, my soul) until I was ready to let go of the need to atone for or to find anything.
Now I just want to express and enjoy life. Expression can look very human or it can look like something else. There’s no right way of living my life as a master, it truly is a matter of personal preference. For some it may be benching all day long, for others something else.
For instance, I wrote a book, and it became a bit of a success in my country. The book is about self love and is for anyone who feels like reading it. It is definitely not a new age or spiritual book, at least from my perspective, but is aimed to mainstream audience, rather than to a specific “spiritually inclined” audience. It is as much about learning to say no, as it is about allowing your soul and a compassionate relationship with yourself. I now give talks, see private clients and give workshops, and part of my work is in the commercial arena. Within a year I could be doing something else. Or not.
The point is: I allow myself all these journeys and expressions, and the realization of my dreams. “One for the road” is my favourite saying, meaning that I’m really living my life – finally! I loved what Adamus shared about Shakespeare: poor Shakey was torn between his “commercial” work and his “heart-work.” The dude took himself so seriously he didn’t allow himself just to do both – or whatever form the expression from within took.
To me it all boils down to self-trust. Allowing the compassion of my soul to wash over all my (false) self-perceptions, including what my mastery or humanness should or shouldn’t be like. It is such a private journey and all I can really do is just allow me – my humanness, my mastery, my radiance, in whatever form they take. This trust has been the most difficult yet liberating thing for me. I’ve realized that all the seeming contradictions are just layers and dimensions of expression – the and.
I’m now just beginning my Expression Romance where I welcome whatever is sprouting from within to come into being without planning or thinking too much about it. To me, this is what Adamus refers to in Nova Vita as Life styling. Flowing with whatever arises from within, trusting and honoring it – whether it is something other people (including Shaumbra) agree with or not. It is my own private dance, yet I don’t need to hide it anymore. I don’t need to mirror my dance from the outside to evaluate it. I belong to myself now.
Anna loves flowers, nature, travel, and all things sensual. Her heart beats for writing and all kinds of creative expression. She runs her own company guiding people towards themselves. Anna can be reached here by email or on her website: annataipale.com