The energy will push you until you release your light to the fullest. I always knew that. I was born in Russia, and there is an expression: “You can’t know how tall you are until you stand up to your full height.”
I’ve always liked practical application and form; I like to see how I create and how to manifest things. I like the experience of physical sensitivity when I touch, for it gives me a lot of information and sensations. In general, I’m enjoying this process of being human.
I have created dance choreography for many years and know well how to take invisible energy and bring it into density. How to shape and make music, geometry and light visible has been my job and passion in this lifetime, and I know it better than anything. Then I discovered that the next step comes when you no longer move the energy to create but start letting it serve; when you allow and let magic create.
My expectations about what a master of new energy should be were completely shattered when this year I started changing my place of living once a month. The last time I moved it was to a house where I was kindly invited stay, and I understood my master role well. I also understood I would have to put something of myself into the experience. Sometime before, I had dealt with the energies of allowing, self-love, and abundance, bringing clarity to these things in my life and its continuing expansion, so there was no resistance. I just stepped into this new, self-created situation with all my awareness.
That’s where I ran into my own challenge. A Buddhist friend of mine once told me about what they call an “exercise” or “practice” for learning to embody one’s truth. I had spent so much time examining, as if through a microscope, the “movie” about how to consciously create my own reality. And now, after studying how to bring energy to creation, breathe life into it and continue to enjoy that creation, I found that things worked differently for me in this new house. All my initiatives, ideas, and suggestions that I wanted to bring, share, or create were blocked, especially when I wanted to start moving energy, even though I had learned well through dance how to let the energy move. You know, dancers move energy with their bodies, physically channeling music, rhythm, melody, and history through their movement. It’s similar to other types of channeling, but with a different way of expression. They do it both for themselves and for others, such as the audience and any dance partners. Just as a musician makes audible music using an instrument, dancers make visual music using their bodies.
However, here in my new living space, these ways I had learned simply didn’t work. For example, when I wanted to do the cleaning and washing, when I wanted to cook a meal or create a new space for something, it felt like everything was screaming at me, “Don’t do this! Just listen.”
In my human life I’ve been pretty stubborn, always having a commitment to do or create something in my own way, often expressing a creation through art. Of course, when I try to control it from the human mind, all my creative attempts fail. One morning I found myself going in this direction, the realization made a big boom in my body (my head is also now a part of my body). I saw that everything I want to create in my reality, whether experiences or physical things, I can now create as a Merlin – and only as a Merlin. All the old ways had stopped working for me.
How does a Merlin create? For me, it happened gradually, starting with small experiences, and then finally letting go of everything. To create something like art or little everyday things for life, I use the energy of inspiration. In other words, I recognize and feel inspiration as a special type of energy, usually joy and something like a movement. It’s not necessarily physical; more like a sense or energy scent that smells like inspiration. And, if I can’t feel it, I do nothing.
In my new physical space, there is a lot of chaos energy, which I am very familiar with. Chaos is the most creative thing I know, and without it, I feel creation is impossible. I prefer living in cleanliness, coziness, and comfort, but now I was right in the middle of all this chaos in my personal life. It would be like living in a dance studio, for example, or in an art studio full of paints, brushes, and unfinished projects everywhere. Not exactly a place for human comfort, but this chaos helped me abandon the last attempts to create in the old way.
I realized that being who I am to the fullest is just standing up with that energy of inspiration and letting it serve however it happens – freely, and without limits or expectations. I had to stop caring about details or cleanliness, and just keep trusting myself. It also means to embody the joy that I feel inside, with all compassion and love that I have for myself, which then radiates out to others without me doing anything. And energy simply comes back to serve me.
For example, one day I saw how to create having a delicious “napoleon cake” for breakfast, and it was pretty simple. The thought occurred to me that “I would like to eat a napoleon cake,” but without needing it now or at a certain time, just someday. Then I let it go with a breath. A couple of days later, my friend suddenly brought home all the ingredients and made the cake! And it was a huge one instead of the little cake that my brain had drawn.
With simple allowing, I saw how the food that I like was prepared for me, how to create a new place to live without having expectations or ideas about how to get there, how strangers just started giving me money, and more. I recognized how compassion and acceptance can, for example, turn water into honey (during a spontaneous conversation with a stranger where I went home an unexpected bottle of delicious honey), and energy moves and responds to consciousness with my allowing. And all this happens in synchronicity with everything else. It all feels very much beyond anything I could have imagined with my mind.
Here is another example of experiencing such transformations of energy with nothing but trust and allowing. I was having that “losing everything” period and it was time to move out of my apartment. The physical money was almost gone, and I had enough for one night in a hotel. Still, trusting myself, I knew the energy around me was in abundance and everything would be fine. I realized it was a new way without fear.
I booked a hotel room for one night. The next day I checked out and asked if I could stay in the reception area for a while. I didn’t have clarity yet and knew I just had to wait, so I spent the whole day at the hotel. I met the receptionist, a very sensitive person, and we talked about energy and consciousness. I had a couple short phone conversations with Shaumbra friends. I felt like a ball hanging between worlds and breathed intensely as my human wanted to make sure that everything would be okay. For an ordinary person, the physical situation seemed a bit scary, waiting in a hotel with baggage but no money, in winter, unable to go anywhere. Still, I had an inner knowing that everything would come at the perfect time.
I stayed at the hotel until evening. Just when it was time to leave and I still couldn’t see where to go, a man came and started talking to me, asking about everything, what I was doing and where I was going. He invited me to dinner, told me about his awakening, and then invited me to live in an apartment that was just vacated the day before! It all worked out because I was going for the energy rather than thinking. I knew this was the place that had been prepared especially for me, so I went with him. He later introduced me to his family, we became friends, and I stayed for a month in a city where I had never been before.
I saw how magic opens completely new paths in my life more and more, and what a simple – and huge – thing allowing is. I began to see and smell the very changes in physical life that come when the abilities of this new “Merlin Operating System” begin to unfold.
Lena Jey is a choreographer, dreamer and creator most of the time. She loves to do something with music, to create art and dance in her own unique style. She has been teaching people for more than 20 years about hip-hop and contemporary dance, telling about energy work through dance and body. Lena wrote a book about how to create your own reality called “Living Your Consciousness” (Russian language only) and offers new energy coaching. Lena can be contacted on Facebook, email and Instagram.