This morning I was planning to go out cycling early to cover 42 km before sunset. But I woke up to an email saying there was an attempt to move $3,728 from my account. WTF?! So I spent a very ‘pleasant’ morning & afternoon dealing with it and finally left home around 5 pm. “I’m still gonna cycle at least somewhere!”
You could imagine my very grumpy grimace & mood as I cycled along a beautiful canal covered on both sides with flowers I wasn't really noticing.
Suddenly a huge fat-ass fly slapped me right in the middle of my upper lip with such force that I almost fell off the bike. I was like, WTF?!
“Ouch!” I stopped next to the canal.
Suddenly I felt a giggle.
“Oh, fuck you, Kuthumi! You grew fat!!”
“So that’s how you greet your old Friend nowadays?!”
We both started to laugh. My lip was a little achy and made me frown.
Kuthumi looked at me sternly, “Snap out of it!”
“You were cycling like a zombie. What are you grumpy about!?”
I paused. “Well, the usual: relationships...” then quickly added, “and somebody just tried to steal my money!”
“Yeah, yeah.” He sighed. “Haven’t you wanted to be alone for a while now?”
“Now that I am, I’m not sure anymore...”
Kuthumi burst into laughter, grabbing his belly. “Ah! You’re such a fine specimen of a silly-silly human!
“Not funny,” I said, looking down into the water and frowning. He wasn’t smiling anymore when I glanced up.
“Be truly alone,” I heard him say with seriousness. “For the first time in this life, fucking do it. Experience yourself. Turn your gaze inward, not toward other humans. Otherwise... You will walk this circle endlessly.”
“Oh!” I rolled my eyes a little. “Tell me something I don’t know!” I stuck my tongue out.
“But yeah, I will. This time, I will.”
We sat down on the bank of the canal and dipped our feet in the water. Kuthumi was stroking his beard and gazing dreamily at the horizon for a good few minutes. “Look around,” he broke the silence, “don’t you feel like you are living your best life right now?“
I looked at the calm flowing water, at the flamingos meditating nearby, at the band of shimmering white horses across the canal, at the patches of flowers colored in white & yellow, at the walls & towers of a majestic medieval fortress, at the dunes of salt and the sea behind them. “Actually, I do. But...” I went quiet.
“Let me guess,” Kuthumi started, “you fled a war-torn country and are enjoying your life, oblivious to *fill in the blank*.” He shook his head slowly. “Tsk-tsk-tsk.”
“You must be a psychic, Kuthumi!” I giggled nervously.
“Sure thing! Wanna see my crystal balls?!” He parried, grinning.
“That one is getting old, K.” I
“But do you see how deep the suffering is rooted in the collective humanity? Even you can’t fully enjoy your sensual experiences. And because of what? Your friends & family suffer and you don’t? Would your pain help them? No. But suffering became a habit, an addiction. Let’s suffer together, it’s easier this way. It is not. It just perpetuates the suffering.”
Kuthumi slowly moved his feet under the water, a whole host of tiny fish was trying to nibble at his ethereal skin, to no avail. “It’s up to you to break free, simply by not succumbing to the suffering hypnosis anymore. Joy for you is a natural state, just as water is for these scaly toddlers.“
“I know, K!” I smiled and twitched my feet as the fish gave up on the non-physical and moved on to something more corporeal. “This year was intense, magical, insightful, and filled with Beauty, along with some really tough moments. But all in all, it’s probably the best year of my life. And yet this goddamn planet is getting more & more mental every day. Pun intended.“
“Are you trying to say that while the rest of the world feels more & more suffering, you feel more & more joy?”
“Uh-huh, yup,” I mumbled, chewing on a few leaves of wood sorrel.
“Haven’t we warned you about exactly that?“
“You did –”
“It was a rhetorical question,” he interjected.
I parried it with my favorite middle finger and we started to laugh again.
“Again, be with yourself, Brother.” Kuthumi put his ethereal yet warm hands on my shoulders and somehow I was able to feel it. “Here’s a paradox for you: if you honestly care about other people, forget about them and dive into You, into your passion, your joy, your freedom. That will truly help both you AND Creation itself.
“And for right now, snap out of it and enjoy the sensuality of this realm!” He tried to ring my bicycle bell but his fingers went right through it. “What’s your most sensual physical experience nowadays?”
I patted the handlebars. “Riding a bike in nature and singing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs!”
“Well,” he smiled, “I see a vacant bicycle right here, what are you waiting for? Go!!”
I nodded and got on the bike. “Kuthumi... Could you please be more gentle next ti – ”another huge fly smacked right into my forehead. “Ouch!”
“I will not be,” he replied calmly, “I’ll do whatever it takes to snap you out of the suffering mode.” He smiled into his thick beard and started to vanish. “Because you asked me to.”
I headed deeper into the marshes, exploring new areas. No other flies smacked me that day. Maybe they were a little scared of a crazy cryin’n yellin’ man on a mountain bike.
Nazar finds joy in nature, traveling & spontaneous sharing of his experiences. Shining his Light – for himself & the planet – is his truest fulfillment. He can be reached via Facebook.