Quite frankly I find this whole business of weaving together my humanness and my godness in ways that work “out there in the world” to be quite a challenge. While it feels really good to think about, putting it into practice is another matter. I think most of us have a handle on this in our private moments; it’s easy enough to allow, to flow, to find clarity and to make more self-authentic choices when we are alone and nobody is rocking our boat. But once we walk out that door, well, you know what happens. Being among humans, social structures, traffic, jobs, taxes – well, it isn’t easy. Sometimes just walking through the energies feels like trying to move through a viscous liquid. It’s sticky, thick and makes me want to turn around and go back inside to my safe, solitary space.
And then there are Other People. It seems the further removed we are from others, the easier it is to shift our perspectives or reorient our attitudes. With other people present in our daily life, it becomes harder to ignore the changes we know we need to make. Often, in our good-humored Shaumbra way, we laugh about “not giving a rip” or “telling ‘em to f*!k off,” but the truth of the matter is we often DO care. Like it or not, we are social creatures who crave meaningful interaction with others. We enjoy the camaraderie. We long for a look of affection, delight, appreciation or love in the eyes of the person in front of us. And a part of us wilts when we feel like we’ve let down someone we care about.
This leads me to relationships with the ordinary mortals we like well enough to keep in our lives – those friends, co-workers and family members with whom the good still outweighs the not-so-good. To reorganize a relationship while we are in it is tough. Yet we must make some changes if we are to be true to ourselves as we are now, not how we were when the relationship started.
Recently, I was faced with this very need to reorganize a relationship, but also recognized I had once again let pass an opportunity to practice the truths I know in favor of putting off the inevitable. So, I began to feel deeply into the core issues of what was really going on energetically between me and this person, whom I very much like and respect. I wanted to keep this relationship, but not at the expense of my commitment to myself to live and be the embodied Master I am, even in the presence of others. How to unravel this?
Perhaps the most deeply held (and deeply cherished) dynamic in relationships is loyalty, also called honor. This dynamic has many names: duty, integrity and caring being the most common. They are beautiful words, rich with positive meaning. None of these qualities are bad, and indeed, they have desirable effects upon both ourselves and others when chosen with wisdom and clarity.
In many ways, these ideals serve society and human consciousness very well. They are certainly among the most highly regarded qualities a person can possess. Honor calls to mind a sense of nobility and goodness. “Honorable” as a self-perception is a benchmark of personal value and worthiness. The caring man or woman is considered by others to be “a good person.” Living with integrity is living as one who “keeps their word.” Possessors of these qualities have much to be proud of, but also much to live up to. And herein lies my realization of why these lofty characteristics have also become some of the most insidious and beautiful masks behind which the sexual energy virus hides.
We idealize these qualities because they are “good.” Yet these beautiful ideals can in fact cause us to seduce ourselves into upholding the values and principles we’ve adhered to for centuries. This is where we turn the sexual energy virus upon ourselves – the hardest abuse of all to recognize. It’s pretty easy to see it in others; we can feel the subtle (or not so subtle) tug of another person’s expectation or manipulation. But what about the things we do to ourselves in our own thinking? Through our own self-expectations, deeply anchored and imbedded in old patterns, we’ve spent lifetimes serving others and putting their wants and needs ahead of our own. And the appeal of having principles and very human the satisfaction of upholding them makes it all seems so natural, so right. But how many times do we secretly long to break those damned self-imposed rules?
Facing this dilemma within myself, I was once again standing at a decision point – I had to put one of us first, myself or the one I care about. Or did I? There was a sudden understanding that my “loyalty” and “good service to others” had laid chains not only upon me but also upon them. This “noble service” also carried an element of arrogance that perceives the other as unable to find the assistance they require anywhere else, considering myself to be their only source of relief. Then Wisdom asked, “How can I fully live as god also if I will not allow the fact that others are god also as well? Is this not our true, core equality?” Head-smack.
This playing field is Energy, serving me in whatever way I’m perceiving life, and I need to see it that way, to stop thinking that my “doing” and “changing” had to be physical or even verbal. Why not make a clear, conscious decision and release the “how” of it to the energies that know exactly what to do?
This friend was asking me to take on a new role in the workplace, a role I did not want, having no affinity or desire to work in that area. Knowing I did not want to “be of service” in the way he desired, I made the clear choice to remove myself as a potential. I felt great clarity and relief sweep though me as I simply, firmly said “No, I will not” within my own consciousness. It was not even necessary to speak the words out loud to my friend, yet almost instantly, new potentials began to light up – for both of us. I was immediately freed from a “loyalty” that put me at odds with what I truly desired, and the other person magically had additional, better options appear the very next day. All of this unfolded without drama or unkindness. I didn’t even have an unpleasant conversation. (He probably has no idea how all this shifted!) We each were simply released from that oh-so-subtle bondage of responsibility and dependence, two dynamics which inevitably descend into power struggles rooted in resentment and bitterness. Such a relationship dynamic always renders one more “powerful” than the other. However, this new, wise solution – seeing each of us as god also – restored our equality and preserved the relationship in a joyful way. I could now celebrate his new solution rather than resent being it!
I feel that honor is also an angelic sense, and therefore it goes deeper. We brought it with us from the Order of the Arc and our angelic families, having made a commitment both to ourselves and to them. What we have not yet fully realized is that the one who deems the promise fulfilled is us here on Earth, not them in the other realms. They will not interfere or intercede. It is we who must call that agreement with our angelic families fulfilled, for we cannot go into Realization void of our Sovereignty. In two recent Shouds (Emergence 11 and Passion 1) we have been charged to live our Sovereignty outright. Now is the time.
I don’t know about you, but I have been secretly uncertain about who or how or what determines the completion of this last, most closely held Sacred Contract, the one we made with the Order of the Arc and our angelic families. Now I know it is I alone who can unbind both myself and my original ancestors from that ancient promise, thus restoring our innate equality. It is with relief, joy and love that I declare, “It is finished. The Promise that began my Journey has been fulfilled.” And so, it has.
Susan lives in Alabama with her beloved Shar Pei and leads a sedate, simple life. After saying “No more” 23 years ago, she has been persistent and exhaustive in finding her way out of the church-steeped, mortal mentality around her. She says, “Finding Crimson Circle about five years ago really lightened my heaviness and accelerated my transition into mastery.” She may be contacted via email.