I am taking this moment to write a “Thank You” letter to my dear friend, Adamus Saint-Germain. At the same time, I write it for myself, to honor the journey and the aha’s I’ve had along the way. Finally, I write this “Thank You” letter to honor Shaumbra who have been a part of my journey and to contribute to the beautiful library of stories that newbies and future Shaumbra of Crimson Circle may enjoy.
Thank you for making the May 2020 Shoud not so much for the “masses” (that might be tuning in any first Saturday of the month), but for those that truly call ourselves Shaumbra and are really on the eve of our Enlightenment/Realization/Embodiment.
I appreciate how you lovingly embedded special energetic “pokes” into the “cow-tipping” merabh, as you have also done recently with “tickles” in the Master’s Pause “I Am True” and, of course, Keahak. All this support to help to nudge our I Am a little closer, and to break through the last of our human resistance, is graciously received.
You made it very clear that you will be an “Intolerant Son of a Bitch” (S.O.B.) when it comes to Shaumbra holding onto abundance issues. You know that I know that this isn’t the first time you’ve stated it is time for Shaumbra to move past victim-ness. Wasn’t it in the FREE Abundance Clinic offered, what, 6 years ago, that you hammered this home by saying, “Give a victim a million dollars, and in a year they’ll be in debt 2 million dollars”? Well, you know I THOUGHT I was ready to move into abundance. I did the Clinic, paid to be in Keahak, and DreamWalked to the Crystal Caves. Yep, I was ready.
Until I decided to go deep into the gravity of poverty and lack mentality; that slow sticky ride of creator diving into the quicksand of its creation to truly see how energy works.
It’s hard to believe that only two short years ago I said, “No More!” – having just taken the Masters Life class by the same name. It hit me hard when you said, “If you’re in a mid-level manager job that you hate, just to pay the bills, that is the definition of spiritual stupidity.” Yup, your intolerant S.O.B attitude was gaining ground that year.
I said “No more” to having an apartment, a job, or any responsibility other than to my personal growth. I packed up my dog and everything I owned into a little sedan and headed to Colorado on a wing and a prayer. I remember the depth of poverty and low self-worth of that time vividly. Sleeping on Shaumbra friends’ couches, waiting for the “check in the mail” of abundance to arrive, simply because I was showing such earnestness about Crimson Circle.
Well, I hit bottom, and crawled back home to my parents in Kentucky, broke and still determined that “work” meant I was caving in to 3D existence, that getting a job meant climbing back on the merry-go-round I had just voluntarily jumped and crashed from! But, during my Colorado experience, you did reach out and “gift” me something special when you said, “Let this be the beginning of your abundance” (or something to that effect).
Now, two years later, I sit in awe and amazement of how perfect my experience has been. I didn’t wake up one day as a millionaire with a clear understanding of abundance. Rather, I learned that breaking the patterns of beliefs, for me at least, means making a clear and conscious choice in every now moment. And every choice builds on itself.
I recognized, for example, that I kept giving up on homes and being able to live on my own, because I equated it with having to work hard. Everything I might accumulate meant (in my head) that I’d have to work more hours to maintain it, whether a home, a car, or anything else. And the more ingrained in that life I got, the less time I would have for me, and the less chance to just pick up and be free!
Now, this is a belief: More abundance = more work, more responsibility and less freedom. As I would sit with this belief and imagine myself again in my own home, limiting thoughts would appear:
“You can only afford to look at homes in this price range.”
“You’ll fail the application process because of your credit history.”
“You’ve burned too many bridges to list anyone as a reference.”
“You’ll be working so much to pay for it, you’ll never be able to enjoy it!”
IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT (the NOW moment) that I had to face the limiting voice directly and say, “NO, I claim my dignity. And I want to be in a certain neighborhood. And I want a bigger place than I’ve ever had on my own!” Then the energy heard the clarity and felt the passion and ALIGNED to have things ‘just work out.’
I sit now typing this on a new computer (with internet!), sitting on my beautiful porch, waving to friendly neighbors passing by. I don’t worry, even in these days of pandemic and job losses, about making the bills – because I am choosing NOT to go into victim mode, and I am saying YES! to abundance, ease and grace in these times.
But if I say that YES once, I need to say it many more times, because I could list a thousand examples of how my brain has been – and continues to be – trained to reinforce my limiting beliefs. For instance, deciding on where to shop, my limiting mind says, “With your budget of $100, you’ll get more bang for your buck at the Dollar Tree discount store.” But my dignity reminds me, “You’ll feel proud to be able to shop at Whole Foods, and you’ll enjoy the experience and the beauty of the store and its offerings. The energy in fewer items there will serve you much better than being reminded of lack in the discount store.”
All this ‘making a clear choice in the moment and letting energy align’ is what I believe you are saying, Adamus, when you say, “Let energy serve you.” I remember how I received the clarity of “Let energy serve you” last year. At the time, I still didn’t have regular income or my own place. I just worked a “gig” here or there, so it was preposterous for me to even think about auditioning to be an extra in the Rude Awakening film. For that meant putting forth the flight and hotel expense for a whole week overseas! But something said I needed to be a part of this monumental “seeding” of consciousness.
Fast forward to the day I decided to audition. Having heard you say, Adamus, that when we make a choice, we can list what needs to be done (ACT like it’s happening!), but don’t list the How! Leave that to trusting energy to serve you. Well that’s what I did. I made my list and focused on ‘first things first.’ 1: Put your heart into the audition. 2: Wait to see if you are selected. 3: Get a Passport! And so on and so on. I didn’t worry about hotel expenses ahead of booking a flight, because the flight was needed first. And always, just in the nick of time, an extra “gig” or “gift” would provide the funds needed to ensure I had everything I needed – in only three weeks’ time! I was never so proud of myself as with that experience. I truly stepped into the spotlight (literally), at last unafraid to call myself Shaumbra, and learned the magic that happens in the NOW moment of clear conscious choice and energy serving me.
Again, thank you, Adamus, for all the times you’ve said as much!!!
And finally, I really want to say thank you for all the tips and tricks and stories you share on how to truly let energy serve us, because that is the key to being able to stay here as embodied Masters. Having Sart join in on the Shoud made all this so real. I now have my “reconnection object,” have clearly made the choice to stay, and have felt into my Realization so as NOT to find myself saying “Oh Crap!” having fully crossed over.
So again, Adamus, I want to say “Thank you” for being an intolerant son of a bitch! I do need to hear you say the same thing over and over again until I am willing to integrate it, and I do need you to know just how much I appreciate your pokes, tickles, kicks in the butt, bad jokes and wonderful stories! Here’s to allowing my embodiment, supported “every step of the way” by you.
Love ya, Adamus. (Even if it is only possible to love oneself. See, I do listen!)
Self-proclaimed “Master Onya de Corella” (can there be any other kind?) found Crimson Circle in 2007 and has truly enjoyed the sharings of, and her experiences with, fellow Shaumbra. The safe space provided by Crimson Circle online, at live events, and through social media have been instrumental in ushering Master O through awakening to this point of Convergence. She wishes to thank everyone for adding their energy to the Shaumbra story. If you would like to reach out to Master O, she can be reached via email.