Magic is waiting for us, magic that far surpasses any concepts that science, or science fiction, has popularised.
“It is real if you allow it to be.”
These words from Tobias have led me through incredible adventures since first seeing them on Jean Tinder’s website long ago. Their subtle fascination drew me ever nearer, although their understanding escaped me until I allowed the experiences which popped into my life to be real.
A quick perusal of past memories reveals that I accepted this magic unquestioningly as a child, trusting it was real and then gradually letting it fade away as I entered deeply into a very mental, study-oriented life. I was a Being whose questions bubbled up incessantly; I devoured books and in continually reaching for answers from outside, closed my ability to receive the knowledge within. Opening this up again has required complete acceptance – that I can trust myself to allow these internal answers and that I can allow the amazing, incredible occurrences which jump unexpectedly into my life to be ‘real.’
Looking back and remembering the other ‚places‘ I visited as a toddler – in particular a luxuriant garden with blossoms and butterflies larger than me with my older brother John, a sailor (I did find it strange that John was never at home and didn‘t have his own bedroom but otherwise he was a very real feature of my existence) – shows me that I naturally allowed other experiences. I kept all this completely to myself, somehow knowing that it existed just for me.
This rich inner world accompanied me into my teens, expanding to encompass music as well. I heard music ‘inside,‘ often singing what I heard. On one particularly unhappy day at school, I took refuge in the basement sport changing rooms, began singing, and let it flow for almost the complete 20-minute break. Suddenly, I realised that I was singing not a popular melody, but one part from a Fugue in Baroque style; I was actually in a grand musical performance with performers and a venue I couldn‘t see!! In fact, I was so ‚in‘ the performance that I‘d overlooked the possibility of being heard, and the teacher who came to fish me out remarked that I must be very happy to sing like that. I came down to earth with a bump, as ‘happy’ was one thing I was not!
And then I began to question. After avidly reading composers’ biographies, I knew that Robert Schumann had considered himself ‘mad’ because he heard what he imagined to be angels singing in his head. Was this also true of me, I wondered? Was I mad?
I asked for piano music as Christmas and birthday presents. I wanted to have my own treasure trove of unknown sounds and to investigate how composers had achieved their marvelous effects. Debussy was a favorite, though my hands were much too small to play the chords. Through all this study, my approach to composing became more analytical and mental.
My fascination with the ‘whole story’ behind music grew. I learned about composers who influenced – and were in turn influenced by – architecture; literature and art during each historical period; changes in how instruments were built and how combining them created soundscapes of drama; and how to dive into a score to see what note combinations gave birth to such exquisite sounds. All this led directly to my choice of studying music at university instead of music academy, where the focus was purely on technical and performance skills.
My University abounded in musical ensembles – Orchestra, Chamber Orchestra, Choir, Chamber groups, Opera, Experimental Music and numerous student-directed concert projects – and I took part in everything! It was a crazily enjoyable musical period when I’d have rehearsals for perhaps six or seven different concerts at any one time. I was also digging deep into the scholarly side of music, but eventually my questioning surfaced again: My major was Composition, but I wasn‘t writing anything. Why?
Jumping forward several years, despite being an active (amateur) performer, I suffered terrible stage-fright as well as shoulder problems (my main instrument was the viola). So I decided to take a year out of all active performing and therefore theoretically had plenty of time for composing. However, I still didn’t write.
Looking back, it’s clear that I ‘lost’ part of my musical identity in order to allow space for the true one, that of Music Channeller, to emerge. Composing had become hard work with little rituals and beliefs in methodical planning; i.e. sit at the piano to write for an hour, tea break, write for an hour, take a walk, write for an hour, etc., etc. At the end of the day, perhaps only three bars of finished music would be on the manuscript.
Then, through personal circumstances, there came a complete 12-year break from composing.
When professional music entered my life again through hearing my son‘s French Horn teacher playing, it came in with such force that I simply allowed it to lift me out of my former life and carry me along. That was in 2000, the very same year I discovered the Crimson Circle. I wrote a passionate three-movement piece for Horn and Organ which I called ‘Als die Stille starb’ (When the Silence Died) as homage to what I now recognise as an End, as well as a Beginning.
After that, I let music come when it wanted to. I changed from using pencil and manuscript paper to a computer notation program and since I could now play and record in one go, was free to let it flow.
And flow it certainly did! Gone was my mental approach. Not only that, but I became aware of shadowy energies accompanying my composition. These were not entities, but simply energies. One day, sitting at the piano, the music which flowed was, well, a friend of mine. This was ‘her’ as surely as if I was looking at her. I just felt it! The music showed aspects of her which I didn’t actually know, but which she later confirmed when I gave her a CD for her birthday. This was the first Soul Song I recognised as such. Although very surprised, I never doubted; I allowed it to be real.
I’m now used to music coming at all hours and in many situations, because I’ve removed the mental barriers. On one occasion, while at an airport I heard a Soul Song begin flowing, so I went to the ladies room and sang the opening into my iPhone, knowing I could later re-connect to the energy through this little snippet. Then I politely asked it to wait! On other occasions, such as sitting at traffic lights, I heard the music begin and my iPhone again came to the rescue. I receive energy in the form of music from many different organic sources – trees, flowers, countries, the astrological signs, crystal caverns, the New Earth and Theos, a New Year, and even those of you who have commissioned Soul Songs, music for podcasts or to accompany personal sessions. None of this would exist if I didn’t allow it to be real.
This is now as natural a part of my life as brushing my teeth – no strain, no effort, no rituals – and it is extraordinary fun! I stay aware and very present during channelling and am often surprised at what I sense when music flows, for it’s a multi-dimensional experience. Afterwards, I’m a bit dreamy, exhilarated and with senses very open. I like to go for a walk in our nearby forest then: the verdure looks and smells so fresh like at no other time. Since the music comes to me rather than me actively thinking it out, I pondered on what kind of composer I am. And then a comment from Geoff about entering “Channeler” as the profession on his passport opened my eyes: I am a Music Channeler! This is my true passion; everything else was an adventurous preparation.
I recently attended a concert of music I know well, and it was much enhanced by unexpected happenings – and I allowed them to be real. As the performance started I was strongly drawn to the archway high above the performers, seeing yellow-orange flame-like lights extending to the top of the church and swaying, not in rhythm but to the intensity of feeling coming from the music. I allowed myself to go fully into it, experiencing pure ecstasy. I felt I was flying through the church, becoming ever more saturated in ecstasy. I just couldn’t keep still any more, letting my body move despite seeing the rest of the audience sitting straight-backed like stone pillars.
Then, I felt disappointed with certain aspects of the performance. To my astonishment, I saw energies shaped like ‘commas’ rolling around the church. They were white with grey tips and came in all different sizes. They felt like giggling little children let loose from school who were up to mischief! Their thoughts came as continual chatter and they identified themselves as the ‘prematurely cut-off notes’ which had so disappointed me in the performance. They were quite matter-of-fact about the situation, not in the least displeased and simply enjoying their freedom. While these gay energies rollicked around the church, the ecstasy-filled lights continued. And at the very end of the performance something most amazing happened: I saw the singers and instrumentalists transformed into dazzling light which became almost translucent and merge as one with the conductor, until one pillar of sound/light existed from floor to ceiling. Just writing these words awakens the memory and brings tears to my eyes. The audience responded in uproar, the applause continuing for a long time. When I spoke to the young conductor afterwards I perceived his surprise at my enthusiasm, but restrained myself to musical motives without mentioning the additional happenings!
This is what happens when I let the experiences come to me and allow them to be real, and I hope my story inspires others to do the same. The real magic, however, is in trusting yourself enough to know the experiences are real!
Kay is a Crimson Circle teacher and Music Channeller. She discovered Tobias through the Shouds in 2000 ..... and has been a firm Crimson Circle fan since then. She is fascinated by the energies of sound and adores exploring this intuitively as well as with her mentor Pythagoras, who brings his technical know-how when needed. She was born in England, later choosing to move to Germany.
These are her websites, for more insights: