The workshops are over and done with. Now the aftermath sets in. It’s not my favorite part of doing what we do, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
We did two big workshops in February at the Villa Ahmyo in Kona, Hawaii. Not big in terms of the number of people. Linda and I prefer to work with smaller, more intimate groups because the personal interaction, both with us and Adamus, is much more rewarding. The last two workshops were huge in terms of the energies that were moved and the consciousness that was realized.
Now is the aftermath. Many Shaumbra have made their way back to the Kona airport and are en route to their homes. Some have wisely chosen to stay on the island for another week or two to explore, integrate and experience. And to avoid the harsh, cold temperatures back home in Europe and the US. The villa seems empty without them. The five days of each workshop provides a time of incredible bonding. It seems more like a month than five days because we get so close. We laugh together, eat and drink together, we share stories and do a lot of hugging. After some of the deep and intense merabhs, we sit together for long moments in stunned silence, drinking in the sweet energies.
There’s a lot of stress on workshop days but it’s “good” stress. A typical workshop morning starts at 5:15. The coffee pot is my first point of focus. Turn it on, I tell myself, and all will be well. While the coffee brews I throw in a load of laundry. Belle, our Ahmyo dog who actually belongs to our neighbors and has made her way into our hearts, shows up at the door. Her tail is wagging as she peers in the window. How does she know I get up at this time, or has she slept outside all night? I let her inside and reward her love with a dog biscuit. Coffee is ready now. I grab a protein bar and head to the lanai with my laptop. It’s 3 hours later in the day back in Colorado so I’m sure there are quite a few emails to be answered.
Elise shows up promptly at 7 AM. She came here for an Ahmyo Retreat last April and moved to the island in October. She’s indispensable. We’ve known her for years and she worked with us for a few years back when we had an office in Lake Tahoe. Now, she’s helping us with the workshops and taking care of the villa. She loves Shaumbra and she’s passionate about her Realization. She knows I’m not a talker first thing in the morning so she offers a pleasant good morning greeting and goes about her business of getting food and coffee ready for the workshop attendees. She feeds Belle another biscuit and talks quietly to her as I continue answering emails.
Linda comes out a few minutes later. She’s already showered, and looking lovely as a morning flower. She greets Elise and Belle, then she and Elise talk about the logistics for the day. I’m still not conversation-ready so they avoid talking to me. Belle comes over for a hug and pet, but quickly leaves to go back to the girls, who are much livelier than me.
Shaumbra start showing up at 8:45 AM, 15 minutes ahead of time. I’m now showered and shaved, but still not eager to converse. I’ll be talking (channeling) for the next 4.5 hours so I keep to myself. I go back to my private area at the villa to get my morning update from Adamus. Sometimes he shares with me what we’re going to do that particular day. Other times he doesn’t. Sometimes I just sit in silence and commune with him and the Shaumbra group energy. It will be a long day filled with discoveries, humor, insights and many shifts. I’ve never been disappointed during any workshop day. Never boring, never rote.
Now the workshop is over. Adamus has spoken his last words and Linda has closed out the gathering with breathing and acknowledgments. We share hugs and say our goodbyes, a few tears are shed and we all know what’s coming next even though the words aren’t spoken. It’s time to release the energies of the gathering and go back into the regular world. Until we meet again.
Now comes the aftermath. Everyone is gone and the villa seems strangely empty. Even Belle, who has sat through all of the channels and cuddled up to the attendees, has a forlorn look about her. Where has everyone gone, she must be wondering?
I want to cry. Don’t ask me why, I just want to cry. I want to be alone, I want everyone to come back. None of it makes sense. Adamus is far away now, and I’m too exhausted to have him come back. But he left such a vacant space when he departed that I just want to cry. I smoke a few cigarettes in the very spot where we all met earlier, feeling into the energies of what we all did the past few days. I stare out at the ocean and wish I could fly to the horizon. I wish I could keep going beyond the horizon but then I realize we just did during the workshop. I wish we didn’t have to come back from beyond the horizon.
Elise leaves at the end of the day after cleaning up and packing everything away for the next event. I wonder where she gets the energy to work that hard for 11 hours straight and still have a smile on her face. Linda has been helping her in between answering office emails and feeding Belle more biscuits. I think Belle has gained 5 kilos since we got here 5 weeks ago. All of us feed her biscuits on the sly but nobody admits they do.
I take a quick look at my email inbox. I can’t handle it right now. I close my laptop and head off to the hot tub with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Linda and I watch the sun go down and the stars come out with hardly a word between us because right now it’s all about feelings. Nearly two hours later we emerge from the hot tub when we realize that our skin is like prunes, all wrinkly from too much time in the warm, soothing waters.
I ponder the past few weeks. Coming to Realization can be brutal at times. I realize this after the past five intense days of the Threshold. One attendee left after the first day, saying she’ll never be back. Not only to Threshold but never back to the Crimson Circle. I want to cry and I’m not sure why. I can only imagine what she’s going through with her dragon. I want to reach out and tell her something – anything – to sooth her, but I know I can’t. She has to face her time with her dragon on her own.
I can’t sleep that night. I’m floating in feelings of complete tranquility and the next moment of fragmentation and chaos. I get out of bed at 1:30 AM and sit out on the lanai to watch the stars. Belle is there. She never went home, opting instead to lay at our door. I wish for a moment that I was a dog, with such innocence and heart. She looks up at me and gently wags her tail. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Her eyes say to me that she’s never experienced anything, in all her two dog years, like the workshops. When are we going to do it again, her eyes ask? I tell her out loud that I need time to recover before diving in again. Then I tell her we have to go back to Colorado in a few days and that we’ll miss her immensely. After an hour I go back to bed and sleep without dreams. It’s the aftermath of a workshop, where we went to some of the deepest places with some of the most incredible people.
The next morning I have an energy hang-over. I turn on the coffee maker and give Belle a hug and a biscuit. I have two meetings this morning. Why-oh-why did I schedule meetings for the day after a workshop? I think the meetings will be over in two hours but instead they go four. This has got to be some cosmic joke, making me sit through meetings after going to such expansive places during these past two workshops. What I really want to do is go work in the yard, by myself. Connect with nature and get grounded. I can’t even do that because EJ, the gardener, is here today and he gets agitated when he sees me working in the yard. Today the yard is his territory.
Belle has been sleeping all day on the bed we bought her. I wish I could lay down and curl up like a dog. So I finally head off to the bedroom for a nap. Ten minutes later the doorbell rings. It’s EJ, the gardener. A nice guy with bad timing and boundary issues. It’s beginning to rain so he informs me he’s leaving for the day. He asks something about a plumber and a leaking water faucet. I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about and it’s the last thing in the world I care about. I tell him Elise will take care of it next week. Doesn’t he realize we just rode the dragon yesterday and that the leaking faucet is absolutely insignificant?
I want to be totally alone and I wish I was still doing a workshop with Shaumbra. I feel totally empty but yet I feel so deeply into everything. I’m listening to the most beautiful music on the SONOS speakers but I wish everything would quiet down. Linda is giving me the space I so desperately need but I wish she were closer. Finally, it’s time for the glorious sunset even though it’s mostly cloudy. I get a bottle of wine and two glasses and head for the hot tub with Linda. Everything seems to settle down now. It’s the aftermath of a Shaumbra workshop. It makes no sense, but when I consider what we’ve done these past two weeks it all makes sense. We’re breaking into new horizons of consciousness as we come into our Realization. Why would I think everything would go on as usual, when we are doing something that is most unusual? That night I have the most intense and colorful dreams then I’ve had in months. All is well in the aftermath of the workshops.