I was doing yardwork at Villa Ahmyo in Kona the other morning when I saw Linda coming down from the house. I knew something was wrong; she had that look on her face that comes only when there’s been a tragedy. I dropped what I was doing and waited for the bad news that was forthcoming.
“Sart passed away.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I just talked to Bonnie (Capelle) and she said Sart apparently had a heart attack.” By now Linda was crying, and any further words were beyond her. We sat down and just felt into the moment. The news was surreal because we had known Sart for more than 15 years. He was a regular at the Crimson Circle monthly webcasts, and known around the world for his F--- Off! t-shirts and his “Oh crap!” expression.
I was shocked by the news because Sart was Linda’s and my age (born in 1955), and seemed to be in good health. He owned an excavating business in the ski resort areas in the Rocky Mountains, about 2 hours from the Crimson Circle studio. He loved being outdoors, operating his large dirt-moving equipment or driving one of his many cars. He always had a smile and a joke. Thinking that he was gone just didn’t make sense on many, many levels.
After a short while Linda went back to the house to see if she could get more information. I decided to see if I could “connect” with Sart. It wasn’t very difficult because right away I could feel his presence and sense his smile. “Geez, Sart, what happened?” I asked.
“Oh crap!” I heard back from Sart. “One minute I was shoveling dirt and the next minute I was face down in my living room, deader than a big stone.” I asked how he was doing. “Hey man, I’m in a weird place right now. It feels like I went through a tunnel and now I’m kind of stuck. I know my body died but I’m not sure where I am right now. Could you check back with me later? I need to figure out where I am. It’s not bad, I just feel a little lost right now, like I’m not here and I’m not there.”
We later learned that Sart had been shoveling dirt in his yard, then had a heart attack when he went back into his house. He was alone when he crossed over. His body was found the next day when worried friends weren’t able to get hold of him.
I checked back with him later that day. It felt totally different than our earlier encounter. The connection was clear, and Sart felt much lighter. His voice sounded like the voice of Sart we’re all familiar with, and I saw him wearing his trademark gray t-shirt. By the way, for those of you who make a connection with someone who has just departed the physical realms, they “look” and “sound” the same as they did before crossing over, at least for a few weeks. After that, they start to look, sound and feel different because they shed many of the attributes of their recent human incarnation. But now in my conversation with Sart, he was classic Sart.
“Man, you wouldn’t believe what it’s like over here,” said Sart with a big smile.
I was happy to know he was doing OK now, but I was also slightly irritated with him. “Why did you leave?” I asked.
“Crap,” he answered. “I didn’t know that I was going to leave. One minute I was shoveling dirt and the next minute I was here. I guess I must have been digging my own grave in the yard,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
Then he told me the rest of the story. Our connection was so clear that I felt like he was sitting next to me, recounting what happened.
He told me that about two weeks prior to leaving, he had a mystical experience. He had never felt anything like this before. He finally “got” what Tobias and Adamus had been talking about for years. Oftentimes, he said, we hear the words and have a mental understanding, but we don’t embody it. In his mystical experience, he felt the beauty and simplicity of everything, but especially of himself. He noted that everything had a golden glow, including other people, everything in nature, even his own thoughts. There was no conflict or duality in his reality now, just ease and grace.
In many ways, Sart had a rough life. He told me he grew up in a dysfunctional family, living most of his life in the High Country of the Rocky Mountains (10,000 ft./3000m). His father was strict and often physically abusive. At an early age, Sart became an alcoholic, as did his two brothers, and he had more than his share of relationship and work issues. He finally quit drinking, and never returned to the bottle. Sart found the Crimson Circle in about 2004 and has brought many new people to the Shouds over the years. I always thought of Sart as a “diamond in the rough.” He had a cowboy-style exterior, but a heart as big as a bulldozer.
“After my mystical experience, I wondered if I was enlightened,” Sart told me. “I tried asking Adamus about it, but all he did was smile. I wanted to get in touch with you, but I knew you were busy in Kona, and anyway I remember you telling someone that you’d never confirm or deny whether someone was Realized. So, I kept it to myself. This feeling continued day after day, like all the pieces of the puzzle had come together – and then the puzzle dissolved.
I wanted to believe that I had come to my Realization, but then I thought, oh crap, I’m about the last Shaumbra that will be enlightened, not one of the first. I must be making this up. Lots of others are smarter and more spiritual than me.
“Then it all came back to me. In Master’s Life 12, Adamus talked about the different ways to Realization. Spirituality isn’t the only way. It hit me hard when he talked about some of the ‘not recommended’ ways. I remember thinking that I took the hard-ass way; you know, lots of conflicts and battles. I was a damned warrior for a long time, fighting everything in my path. I finally gave up my sword and my bottle, and went the spiritual way, but at heart I was still a fighter. I just took the fight from the outside world to my inside world. I know you think I always had a joke and a smile, but I was battling some big demons inside me.
“My mystical experience – that’s what I call it, but now I realize it was my Realization – was all about allowing myself to accept total forgiveness from my I Am. I was a pretty crappy human at times, so it didn’t come easy to allow forgiveness. That’s what I did, and suddenly I was enlightened. Crap, I can’t even believe I’m saying these words to you. I. Am. Enlightened. And dead too!”
We paused for a moment. I could feel Sart reliving his recent experience of Realization, and then death. “I didn’t plan to go,” he continued after a while. “I actually never really thought about it, because I figured most everyone else would become Realized before me. When Adamus asked us if we wanted to stay or leave, I never gave it much thought because I figured it would be a long time before I crossed that bridge.”
Sart told me that he cried many times in the two weeks after his Realization. The tears were about releasing oceans of sadness, a sadness for all the suffering he had chosen. He cried to know how rough he had made his life, and how much he battled his dragon. The tears were because now he realized how this was so unnecessary.
“I was out shoveling dirt in my yard. The funny thing is that I really didn’t need to shovel the dirt. I had power equipment that I could have used to move it, but I needed to get outside and do something physical, and I had to get out of my mind because I was still not fully accepting that I was enlightened. I was shoveling dirt when suddenly I couldn’t feel the shovel handle any more. The dirt didn’t weigh anything. The shovel and dirt were moving themselves, like they were serving me, without me having to do anything. It was like something out of a Harry Potter movie.
“The next thing I know is that I was floating in the air while the shovel and dirt were moving themselves. My body never felt so good. I was laughing my ass off and couldn’t wait to tell my Shaumbra friends what I experienced. And then it happened. I saw my human body walk into the house. That was weird, to see myself walk into the house and get a drink of juice or water, not sure which one it was. Then, I watched as my body fell to the ground. It was all in super slow motion. I think it took 5 minutes for my body to drop to the floor. Man, it was cool to watch. But then it hit me. My body was dead. Oh crap!”
Sart explained that he thought he “should” get back into his body, but he just couldn’t do it. It was more like he didn’t really to do it. There was no need or desire to go back. He was now Realized, and there was little to go back to. “Life consists of a lot of shoveling dirt. You move it here and you move it there, but it’s still a pile of dirt. I realized that I’d had it with the dirt of life.”
I told Sart that I was sad I’d never see him again at a Shoud, and I was somewhat irritated that he left us. Wasn’t this all about staying on Earth as Realized Masters?
“Adamus has talked about it for years,” Sart cautioned. “When you come to Realization, you’ll wonder whether to stay or leave. I never gave it a lot of thought, so I wasn’t prepared. If you want to stay, make a decision now so you don’t get that ‘Oh crap, I’m dead’ moment like I did. And have a reconnection object or phrase to remind you to stay.”
(Adamus talks about a reconnection object in DreamWalker Death. For those doing a DreamWalk with a newly departed human, the reconnection object helps assure you don’t get lost in the non-physical realms during the actual DreamWalking. It can be a favorite piece of jewelry, a precious photo, a piece of artwork, or even a pet. The energy of that object will help you get back safely.)
“Maybe that’s the purpose of my untimely demise,” Sart pondered, “that I can be an example to other Shaumbra, who are going to be enlightened soon, of what not to do. By telling everyone to be clear about staying, and to have a reconnection object, they won’t suddenly find themselves enlight-dead (enlightened and dead).” Sart burst out laughing at his new word “enlight-dead.”
I checked in with Sart a few days later. He was already starting to change. There was a lot more diamond than rough to him now.
“You better listen to Adamus,” he exclaimed with a big smile. “What he says is all true, every bit of it. I doubted some of the things he said, but holy crap, now I know it’s the way things are.” Sart told me he was going to kick my butt if I ever doubted what we’re all doing, and if I ever tried to hold back on what comes through from Adamus.
“And there really is an Ascended Masters Club,” he added. “I always thought it was something Adamus made up to entertain us. But there really is one. No kidding, they all greeted me a few days after I croaked. Adamus and Tobias met me at the front door and guided me into a grand ballroom where nearly 10,000 Ascended Masters were waiting. Man, that’s a moment I’ll never forget! They actually let me into the Ascended Masters Club! And guess what? They were all wearing my ‘F--- Off!’ t-shirt!”
Sart, you probably didn’t realize the impact you’ve had over the years on so many Shaumbra around the world. The outpouring of love was more than evident on the Crimson Circle Facebook page. We hope you continue to come by for the monthly Shouds. Just give us a sign – something that will make us say “Oh crap” – and we’ll know you’re there. In the meantime, we’re sure you’re entertaining and amusing the Ascended Masters with some of your many stories.
CLICK HERE to watch a memorial video
CLICK HERE for info about a memorial fund