SHAUMBRA MAGAZINE: How and when did you find Crimson Circle?
GAELON: It was through my mom (Jean Tinder). I remember, when I was very young, mom had this weird group she would take part in. I thought it was very cult-y, of course, very obscure, but at one point – several times actually – I came with her to see what was going on. This was when Tobias was channeling through Geoff. At the level of the mind I didn’t think I wanted it. I had my pre-judgments of Crimson Circle, but at the same time, I started really getting a feel for what was happening. I decided I wanted to stick around and be part of this in some way, and eventually I asked if I could work on the cameras. I had taken a video production class in high school, which was basically what we were doing – studio work, camera work, using a switchboard, working with actors and a little acting – so I asked, “Hey, can I do camera work?” Suddenly I found myself on the camera and I’ve been working with Crimson Circle ever since.
SM: When did you decide it wasn’t a cult?
GAELON: At first, it was only a part-time or occasional occupation, like “Hey, I get to help out mom and be useful and learn new things,” and eventually I sort of forgot it was this cult-y thing. I knew it was weird, sure, but I just sort of ignored it. I think when came face to face with the reality on a conscious level was the first time I did camera work during a DreamWalker Death workshop. I went through such an experience that, to my logical mind, wasn’t something that you could scientifically account for. On a logical level I was thinking, “This doesn’t make any sense. I self-induced this experience, what’s going on?” and kind of freaking out. But that’s when I decided there’s really something to Crimson Circle; it’s not just some new agey, self-help group sort of thing. I felt there was something more, that I had a real connection with what we were doing, with the material, with Tobias and Adamus and everything. And I decided for myself that I want to be part of this. Actually, I think it was less a decision and more a feeling of “I need to be part of this.”
SM: What do you do for Crimson Circle?
GAELON: Mainly I work as cameraman, operating the robocams from behind the desk. I also assist with stage setup on occasion, help out with setting up the studio before the Shouds, taking things down afterwards, and other miscellaneous tasks. I kind of felt like the “coffee boy” for a long time, but I know I have a part to play in the Shouds and workshops. I feel like I’m facilitating or supporting Shaumbra by setting up the tents and chairs, this meeting place outside the studio.
SM: What is the best part of your job and also the worst part of your job?
GAELON: I think the worst part of my job is, in a way, myself (chuckling). I often feel, like I mentioned before, sort of like the coffee boy. One of the things I’ve encountered in myself throughout the years I’ve spent with Crimson Circle is facing myself on a lot of key issues. One being a self-abundance issue – facing myself, that I’m this young inexperienced “coffee boy,” this self-judgment and, to a degree, self-loathing which I had carried with me for a very long time, and that this human self still feels on occasion. It’s part of the AND, you know; on the one hand I occasionally do feel I’m inexperienced, the youngest person. On the other hand, I know I’m none of these things. It is simply a self-experience, more a self-distraction than anything.
SM: So, you’re saying that one of the challenges of the job is your self-perception in it?
GAELON: Absolutely. The worst part of the job is that I am confronted with self-doubt in what I’m doing – “Am I really on the path to enlightenment? Am I really supporting the Crimson Circle? Am I replaceable?” – all these things that the human is constantly throwing at itself. So it’s somewhat of a challenge to maintain a well-balanced or neutral stance with myself in regard to everything.
The best part of the job is what I get to experience. The experience I had in DreamWalker Death, for example, was a real “aha” moment for me. Taking Aspectology and the Sexual Energies School (SES) and then doing the camera work for Geoff & Linda to host SES online was a turning point for me. I mean, all Shaumbra who have taken it have said “SES is a life-changer” and it was for me as well. Almost every intensive workshop that I have participated in has been a turning point, or a “nudge” in my own direction.
A common challenge for me is staying awake during these workshops. The amount of energy is intense! I’ve always described it as being wrapped in a thick, warm blanket straight out of the dryer, a constant feeling of “I want to go to sleep.” It’s definitely difficult to sit there and – I say this jokingly – twiddle my thumbs on the camera controller and not fall asleep, because you have to maintain this camera work-ethic, staying focused on the job at all times, all while this energy is flowing all about the room and you’re submerged in it. It is absolutely challenging, but the reward is being able to participate. You might say that this is my energy exchange, to participate in the material. It’s an uphill struggle sometimes, but I always make sure to give my best work possible.
The best part of the job is being there for all the material. It has been so fundamentally enlightening. In my regular day-to-day life, it has given me tools to help myself, to manage and really take care of myself. It’s given me tools to be okay with myself in this crazy world.
SM: What do you feel passionate about?
GAELON: What am I passionate about? That is a question I’ve asked myself many, many times. Thus far, it has been being in service. I’ve realized I really shine in situations where I’m able to be in service to somebody. For example, I’ve done a lot of customer service in several different jobs. Throughout my life, I’ve always enjoyed being in service to somebody.
I currently work in IT support. People call in, and I assist them with technical problems over the phone. It’s basically customer service, but see, I’ll receive a call from somebody who feels like their life is falling apart. You can hear it in their voice; they’re not able to work and this issue is the source of all their problems, they’re going crazy, on the verge of tears – or so they will sometimes say – and I listen to this person tell me what’s wrong and how all these other things in their life are being affected by this technical problem.
It’s actually quite a humorous situation to me because, as soon as I begin to help, even when the problem is simple and really doesn’t make a difference in the rest of their life – when I engage this sort of puzzle that is technical support – I can immediately feel this sense of being soothed from the person I’m talking to. They consciously have no idea what’s going on, but they begin calming down because, in a way, they are able to feel that everything is going to be okay. It’s like an energetic service that I do for people. How I engage them, it is inherently soothing. It’s like, at the beginning of the call they’re going crazy, feel like their life is falling apart, all this stuff, and by the end of the call, whether I fixed the problem or not, they feel everything’s going to be okay.
I’ve noticed within myself throughout the years that this is the thing I enjoy and am quite good at, this sense of being in service energetically to other people. It’s not particularly something I wanted, it’s not always pleasant even. I mean, it’s customer service. I originally wanted to be passionate about creating, like being good at art or even making video games or building something with my hands. I wanted that for a very long time, and to find out that my greatest passion and greatest joy is being in service to others, is in itself a self-challenge and has been a defining aspect of my life.
SM: What would you like Shaumbra to know about you?
GAELON: I’m the youngest of the CC studio crew here in Colorado and it’s been difficult to see myself as an equal. I have struggled with being confident in myself, being sure of my spiritualty, and my sense of self has been a constant struggle. I would say to Shaumbra, particularly to those who are new, who are just finding Crimson Circle and connecting with the material, that it is so important to spend time with yourself, more than anything. If you have self-problems, if you have self-doubt issues, insecurities, even depression, the time you spend with friends is important; time with family is important; but most important is the time you spend with yourself, which is scary for a lot of people.
I meet a lot of kids my age who are struggling with depression, and spending time with themselves is such a scary thought, because you’re faced with the endless Self. I would say, yeah, it’s scary; you have all these thoughts that are constantly poking and scratching at you, all these self-problems, self-doubts and worries that are constantly stressing you out. But what really matters is to spend time with yourself, with a quiet mind if you can, because then you begin to really feel instead of think. And those thoughts that poke and scratch at you begin to quiet down.
One of the greatest triumphs for me in getting over my own things like self-judgment and self-discrimination was learning to feel myself, instead of think and doubt and judge myself. When I am in that space, feeling into my own self, that’s where I’ve learned to love and care for and take care of myself, and to be okay with myself. It hasn’t been easy to find that space, although it does get easier, but that’s I want the young and new Shaumbra to know.
Gaelon spent his first 18 years in Spokane, Washington and Ashland, Oregon. He was introduced to Crimson Circle at age 7, unofficially began working as a camera operator at age 16, and now enjoys the privilege of supporting most Crimson Circle studio productions. He is currently employed by IBM as an overnight technical support specialist agent, and can be contacted via email.